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  #1  
Old 09-13-2004, 12:03 PM
bcampbe7 bcampbe7 is offline
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Funny

Joke for Doug...

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.
The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks that ***** if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
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  #2  
Old 09-13-2004, 12:26 PM
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BriEOD BriEOD is offline
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LMFAO!!!!!
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  #3  
Old 09-13-2004, 02:18 PM
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captkidd captkidd is offline
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A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming
truck and everyone inside dies. When they get to meet
their maker, because of the grief they have experienced,
He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter
Heaven.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what
their wish is. "I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His
fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears
this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap
of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be
gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the last
guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten
people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing
his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his
wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:
"Make 'em all ugly again."

So, the next time you are last in line...smile!
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  #4  
Old 09-14-2004, 06:06 AM
jimmer2880 jimmer2880 is offline
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They're both funny as he!!
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  #5  
Old 09-14-2004, 08:27 AM
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MarkP MarkP is offline
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You guys slay me
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  #6  
Old 09-15-2004, 02:34 PM
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east tx skier east tx skier is offline
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Awesome, I love it!
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Red 1998 Closed Bow Ski Boat, Ford 351, 310 hp, Acme 4 blade, Perfect Pass SG.

FAQ


Tyler Ski Club


To me, this forum is about love of inboard boats. It is about the sharing of information and, on a good day, some humor. It is not about post count, brand of boat, or any other superfluous labels that lend themselves to a false sense of superiority. Please, respect one another, try to pass on accurate information, and keep your eye on the ball.
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  #7  
Old 09-17-2004, 10:45 AM
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NeilM NeilM is offline
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A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church.

When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.

We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month...." the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult...However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain."

"However, the third week was miserable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible........anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.

One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there." admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot either."
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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pristine, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "-- WOW--What a Ride!"
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  #8  
Old 09-17-2004, 10:49 AM
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sizzler sizzler is offline
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very good
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http://www.prwb.net/tallington/index.php?id=12


nice older x-boat at berth in the advertisment above
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  #9  
Old 09-17-2004, 10:59 AM
Knoxes
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Skeleton walks into a bar.

"Gimme a beer and a mop."
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  #10  
Old 09-17-2004, 11:09 AM
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sizzler sizzler is offline
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why did the mexican throw his wife off of the cliff?????




tequilla.........
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2004 X9 MCX ALL BLACK


http://www.prwb.net/tallington/index.php?id=12


nice older x-boat at berth in the advertisment above
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