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Old 11-10-2014, 04:51 PM
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Those of you with step kids

So... weird topic. I started dating this girl who's pretty much incredible, and has a 5 year old little girl. I don't have any issues with this, I just have never had something like this come up in my dating life. I'm getting older at 31 (not older, but not in my 20's anymore), so someone having children isn't exactly out of the norm at that age, but I just am curious how people handled that situation when they were first starting the relationship.

The father is very involved in the child's life. 50/50 with arranged agreements between both parents. They've got a good thing going on there, but I guess I just don't really know how to approach it when it comes time to meeting the kid. I certainly want to respect the boundaries of both parents, but as things get more serious with her mom, I'll obviously be around her more often. I don't want confusion among the daughter about who I am, and I certainly don't want to cause issues any the family.

Any advice on how to approach this. Granted, it's really early in our relationship, so who knows what materializes, but I'm curious of other experiences. Any advice?
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Old 11-10-2014, 05:00 PM
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I've got step siblings,, but that doesn't answer your question
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Old 11-10-2014, 05:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clrussell View Post
I've got step siblings,, but that doesn't answer your question
Ha, nope, not really. Need to figure out how to approach this dating a girl with a kid thing. Figured I'd learn from those who had been there, done that. See what worked, what they'd change, etc.
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Old 11-10-2014, 05:17 PM
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i will reply privately soon - i dont want my words posted int he public eye
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Old 11-10-2014, 05:20 PM
samasm samasm is offline
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Mike, you sound like a man with values, morals and ethics...a person of integrity. I would suggest talking to the person you are interested in and perhaps even with her ex-husband. I would hope that they have talked about this already and have made parental decisions on how to handle it. The fact that you are mindful of this speaks volumes about you.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:25 PM
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Just always follow your girlfriends lead with the situation.

She will know best, that is always too.


Don't make any assumptions or actions on your own.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:30 PM
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At 31 you should know by now the words "yes dear" LOL

Good to think about in my past, I could never handle the issues with others kids. However, the mothers were not the best people to date, was the issue. Not the kids.

Follow her lead as mentioned and also, talk, to her about how she wants you to be and communicate if you are questioning anything of the situation.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:44 PM
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I'm 31 and dated girls in a similar situation. Problem I first had is, no matter what, I would never be there parent, not matter how involved I was. I wasn't allowed to discipline, scold, etc. in fact I basically had to just stand aside and deal with it. Very hard for me. Once had the little girl spit in my face, I was pissed but momma said you can't be mad, she just a kid and has been through a lot. BS, bad is bad...

The father thing is good that the person is involved In the childs life but again, it comes with drama. You want to go on vacation and take the girl and kid, guess what daddy needs her that weekend. You plan something on the dads weekend, alone time, guess what, daddy has plans and can't take them. You want to take the girl and kid to the lake, guess what, daddy doesn't like his kid on a boat.

Not always the situation, I apologize if I'm close minded to it but I tried it twice. It never worked, same song and dance both times.


Also, date her for at least a few months before meeting the kid... figure out if something is there first before dragging a kid into it, not always the easiest but necessary...
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TayMC197 View Post
I'm 31 and dated girls in a similar situation. Problem I first had is, no matter what, I would never be there parent, not matter how involved I was. I wasn't allowed to discipline, scold, etc. in fact I basically had to just stand aside and deal with it. Very hard for me. Once had the little girl spit in my face, I was pissed but momma said you can't be mad, she just a kid and has been through a lot. BS, bad is bad...

The father thing is good that the person is involved In the childs life but again, it comes with drama. You want to go on vacation and take the girl and kid, guess what daddy needs her that weekend. You plan something on the dads weekend, alone time, guess what, daddy has plans and can't take them.

Not always the situation, I apologize if I'm close minded to it but I tried it twice. It never worked, same song and dance both times.


Also, date her for at least a few months before meeting the kid... figure out if something is there first before dragging a kid into it, not always the easiest but necessary...
HA, Pretty much my experiences.....not for me.
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Old 11-10-2014, 07:02 PM
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I replied to Mike privately because I'm still under court order through April 2015.

I will state one very real fact in public:

The family courts in the United States still believe it's 1957 and Ward goes to work every day while June is a housewife.

Taylors experience is spot on. Drama and control via the child. But as I said in private - you get 2 quality weeks out of the month without the kid and 2 quality weeks to yourself (which you WILL cherish more and more as you get into this).
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