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  #1991  
Old 01-26-2012, 08:58 AM
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.........thats a good one........
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  #1992  
Old 01-26-2012, 09:15 AM
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  #1993  
Old 01-26-2012, 03:14 PM
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a simple engineering flowchart ...
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  #1994  
Old 01-26-2012, 03:24 PM
jk13 jk13 is offline
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Originally Posted by 2RLAKE View Post
a simple engineering flowchart ...

Sign on the wall at a friend's old car audio shop:

"If it can't be fixed with a drywall screw or duct tape--it's not broken."
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  #1995  
Old 01-27-2012, 07:26 PM
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A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor .

She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a waste treatment facility... And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down."
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  #1996  
Old 01-27-2012, 08:26 PM
JBrew JBrew is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiDog View Post
A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor .

She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a waste treatment facility... And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down."
That's good lol
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  #1997  
Old 01-28-2012, 08:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiDog View Post
A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor .

She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a waste treatment facility... And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down."
i just spit our my coffee!!!!!
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  #1998  
Old 01-28-2012, 09:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiDog View Post
A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor .

She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a waste treatment facility... And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down."
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  #1999  
Old 02-02-2012, 08:05 PM
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Sex On The Beach...



A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a
sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized
that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two
animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One
particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus
clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the
lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around
it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until
the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of
them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more
cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought
Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening -
red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night
of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and
leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy
batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for
him.

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'
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  #2000  
Old 02-11-2012, 10:45 AM
GNA001 GNA001 is offline
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Rural math

A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door

"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'

The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
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