Morning Joke Thread

[mlay]

priceless

[M-Funf]

Originally Posted by Ron Grover

I'm sure I must have had some of that chili once.

Sitting in my office, door closed and working on a report all morning. Just kinda squeezing off those little warning shots. You know you've done it too. Been in there all morning and being quiet and all of a sudden my assistant bursts through the door. I thought she was going to need CPR. Her eyes fixed in their sockets, nose wrinkled up so far it became a part of her forehead. I swear there were hairs on the floor that simply fell out of her head.


Let's hear your real life experiences too. And I KNOW everyone of you have curled the nosehairs of someone in a funny way.

I like to share the joy...cropdusting the cubicles is a daily event for me... It's great when they don't know it's coming...just walk in, fire a couple across the bow and walk out...

[TMCNo1]

Originally Posted by Ron Grover

I'm sure I must have had some of that chili once.

Sitting in my office, door closed and working on a report all morning. Just kinda squeezing off those little warning shots. You know you've done it too. Been in there all morning and being quiet and all of a sudden my assistant bursts through the door. I thought she was going to need CPR. Her eyes fixed in their sockets, nose wrinkled up so far it became a part of her forehead. I swear there were hairs on the floor that simply fell out of her head.


Let's hear your real life experiences too. And I KNOW everyone of you have curled the nosehairs of someone in a funny way.

Being a Colorectal Cancer survivor, having had surgery, Chemo, Radiation and being left with little or no bowel control, I could write a book of experiences, but...........................I won't!

[SkiDog]

LETTER FROM THE BOSS.....

As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that
Barrack Obama is our President, and that our taxes, and government fees
will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our
prices would have to increase by about 10%.



Since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of
the economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead.
This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are family here
and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lot and found six
Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these
folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to
approach this problem. They voted for change; I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

[jbfootin]

Originally Posted by Ron Grover

I'm sure I must have had some of that chili once.

Sitting in my office, door closed and working on a report all morning. Just kinda squeezing off those little warning shots. You know you've done it too. Been in there all morning and being quiet and all of a sudden my assistant bursts through the door. I thought she was going to need CPR. Her eyes fixed in their sockets, nose wrinkled up so far it became a part of her forehead. I swear there were hairs on the floor that simply fell out of her head.


Let's hear your real life experiences too. And I KNOW everyone of you have curled the nosehairs of someone in a funny way.

Few years back I made a big batch of bean soup, which we ate with the in laws. My brother-in-law had a very painfull job interview the next day. He called me that night to tell me that he thought he was either going to explode or crap his pants. Made it pretty hard to think straght!

[TMCNo1]

We've all talked to this guy....


Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green and I pink it up and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.

[ProStar190Fan]

Originally Posted by TMCNo1

We've all talked to this guy....


Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green and I pink it up and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.

I think Mujibar works for the company that makes my cable box...though i'm not really sure, it could have been his borther.

Tom

[SkiDog]

Colored Panties There were three old black ladies getting ready to take a planeacross the ocean. The first lady said, 'I don't know bout y'all, but I'm gunnawear me some hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane.' Why you gonna wear dem fo?' the other two asked. The first replied, 'Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm outdare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first.' The second lady said, 'Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some flooresantorange panties.' 'Why you gonna wear dem?' the others asked. The second lady answered, 'Cause if dis hare plane is goin' downand I'm floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.' The third old lady says, 'Well, I'm not going to wear anypanties...' 'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief. 'Dat's right, you heard me. I'm not wearing any panties,' thethird lady said, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look forda black box first.

[scott023]

Originally Posted by SkiDog

Colored Panties There were three old black ladies getting ready to take a planeacross the ocean. The first lady said, 'I don't know bout y'all, but I'm gunnawear me some hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane.' Why you gonna wear dem fo?' the other two asked. The first replied, 'Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm outdare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first.' The second lady said, 'Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some flooresantorange panties.' 'Why you gonna wear dem?' the others asked. The second lady answered, 'Cause if dis hare plane is goin' downand I'm floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.' The third old lady says, 'Well, I'm not going to wear anypanties...' 'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief. 'Dat's right, you heard me. I'm not wearing any panties,' thethird lady said, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look forda black box first.

Sh!t......

[wakeX2wake]

just after slavery was abolished in the US two former slave women wanted to commemorate their new found freedom by having their picture made... so the went to a photographer's studio and made their request... the photographer sat them down and had them posed when he began ducking in and out from behind the black curtain of the camera and making adjustments to the front and then going back behind... one of the women looked at the other and said "wachu tink he doin back dere?"... the other lady said "i tink he tryin to foc-us"... the first lady w/ a bewildered look on her face said "bof-us?"