Go Back   TeamTalk > Off Topic > Off Topic Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #111  
Old 06-22-2005, 04:33 PM
bradamerry bradamerry is offline
MC Maniac
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Boat: 2007 Triton 176 Mag
Location: same
Posts: 4,266
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."

"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck, " says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"
__________________
Swaha Lodge Lake Greeson Akansas..... www.swahacabins.com
Merry Memories......... http://themerryfamily.site.shutterfly.com/
Reply With Quote
  #112  
Old 06-29-2005, 02:33 PM
pilot02's Avatar
pilot02 pilot02 is offline
MC Devotee
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Boat: 1989 Tristar 190
Location: Hampton, GA
Posts: 1,123
Mom & dad decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents were putting their amorous plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

A few moments passed.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments later,

"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike."

"The Coopers are having sex!!"

Startled, mother and dad shot up in bed!!!

Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with a popsicle, too."
Reply With Quote
  #113  
Old 07-07-2005, 03:50 PM
pilot02's Avatar
pilot02 pilot02 is offline
MC Devotee
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Boat: 1989 Tristar 190
Location: Hampton, GA
Posts: 1,123
So I'm walking down Peachtree Street headed to a Braves game last weekend, when I'm accosted by a dirty, shabby-looking "homeless man," who asks me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

Wanting to set a good example for my son, I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "You're not going to buy beer with this, are you?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the man replied.

"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't gamble," the bum said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" I asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well then," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife, Joanie."

The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

"That's okay." I said. " I just want her to see what a man looks like who has given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex."
Reply With Quote
  #114  
Old 07-15-2005, 04:18 PM
bradamerry bradamerry is offline
MC Maniac
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Boat: 2007 Triton 176 Mag
Location: same
Posts: 4,266
Gotta Love Them Louisiana Girls !!



Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.



The first man married a woman from Alabama, and bragged that he told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed doing at their house.

He said that took a couple of days but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.



The second man married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes done and he had a huge dinner on the table.



The third man had married a Louisiana gal. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and meals cooked. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye !
__________________
Swaha Lodge Lake Greeson Akansas..... www.swahacabins.com
Merry Memories......... http://themerryfamily.site.shutterfly.com/
Reply With Quote
  #115  
Old 07-15-2005, 04:53 PM
pilot02's Avatar
pilot02 pilot02 is offline
MC Devotee
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Boat: 1989 Tristar 190
Location: Hampton, GA
Posts: 1,123
"DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT'

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you.
But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

"I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied,

"Get him, Spike!"
Reply With Quote
  #116  
Old 07-28-2005, 09:36 AM
sizzler's Avatar
sizzler sizzler is offline
MC Maniac
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Boat: 1995 barefoot200;;;2004 X9 MCX
Location: london,england:N51:33:37,E0:15:04
Posts: 2,669
Two Arab mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint
> >of goat's milk.
> >
> >The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping
> >through pictures, and they start reminiscing.
> >
> >"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now"
> >
> >"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
> >
> >"He's a martyr now though" mum confides.
> >
> >"Oh, so sad dear" says the other.
> >
> >"And this is my second son Kalid. He's 21"
> >
> >"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair
> >when he was born".
> >
> >"He's a martyr too " says mum quietly.
> >
> >"Oh gracious me ...." says the other.
> >
> >"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18 ",
> >she whispers.
> >
> >"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first
> >started school".
> >
> >"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
> >
> >After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks
> >wistfully at the photographs and says... "They blow up so fast, don't
> >they?"
>
>
__________________
KEEP YA TOES UP!!!!!

2004 X9 MCX ALL BLACK


http://www.prwb.net/tallington/index.php?id=12


nice older x-boat at berth in the advertisment above
Reply With Quote
  #117  
Old 07-28-2005, 09:38 AM
André's Avatar
André André is offline
MC Maniac
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Boat: Prostar 190 1994
Location: Near Sherbrooke,Québec,Canada
Posts: 4,379
LMAOROTF!!!
I love the Brits sense of humor!
__________________
Keep skiing!!!
Reply With Quote
  #118  
Old 07-28-2005, 09:43 AM
BriEOD's Avatar
BriEOD BriEOD is offline
MC Platinum
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Boat: 2000 MasterCraft ProStar 205 DD
Location: Severn River, MD
Posts: 9,027
Lmao!! :d
Reply With Quote
  #119  
Old 07-28-2005, 10:40 AM
sizzler's Avatar
sizzler sizzler is offline
MC Maniac
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Boat: 1995 barefoot200;;;2004 X9 MCX
Location: london,england:N51:33:37,E0:15:04
Posts: 2,669
A bloke is in a queue at the Supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says, "sorry do you know me?" She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children !"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, Christ! he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my a rse!?"

No she replies coldly,"I'm your sons' English Teacher"...
__________________
KEEP YA TOES UP!!!!!

2004 X9 MCX ALL BLACK


http://www.prwb.net/tallington/index.php?id=12


nice older x-boat at berth in the advertisment above
Reply With Quote
  #120  
Old 07-28-2005, 10:44 AM
Ric's Avatar
Ric Ric is offline
MC Master Poster
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Boat: 2005 Prostar 197 / MCX
Location: _______Wastebasket_________________________
Posts: 13,209
A hippie hitchiker gets picked up by a trucker
after a while, he asks the trucker effeminitely, aren't you going to ask if I'm a man or I'm a woman?
Trucker "nope, I'm a gonna ____ you anyway!"
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by TX.X-30 fan
Say yes to cheap beer---- no to ethanol.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:25 AM.