Morning Joke Thread

[Ron Grover]

A joke for the women of the group........


1000 women were surveyed in a poll.

85% of those women surveyed said that since getting married their a$$ has gotten bigger

10% of those women said that their a$$ has pretty much remained the same since getting married.

The remaining 5% said it didn't really matter they still loved him just the same.

[jayocheskey]

I hope I'm one of those that has stayed the same.

[pilot02]

Subject: chickens and pigs


A man and his buddies go out to their favorite bar for a night of heavy
> drinking. Around 3 AM, he staggers home with a chicken
> under his arm.
>
> When he gets to the front porch, his pissed-off wife is standing in the
> doorway with steam coming out of her ears.
>
> He says, "This is the pig I've been screwing."
>
> His wife yells back, "You drunken son of a *****! That's not a pig!
> That's a chicken!"
>
> He yells up at his wife "I'm talking to the chicken!"

[bradamerry]

That's not right!!!

[Cary K.]

Roflmao !!!!!

[bradamerry]

Trip to the Doc
> > >This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his coat.
> > >His wife said "Where are you going?" He said "I'm going to the doctor.
> > >" And she said "Why, are you sick?" "No" he said, "I'm going to get me
> > >some of those new Viagra pills." So his wife got up out of her rocker
> > >and was putting on her sweater and he said "Where are you going?"
> > >She said "I'm going to the doctor, too." He said, "Why?" She said,
> > >"If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to
> > >get a tetanus shot!"

[MarkP]

Come on Brad, I don’t need to picture stuff like that

[mgurley]

City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did santa bring it to you?"

" Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the little girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

[tex]

somebody post a short funny joke. I need to laugh!

[bradamerry]

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"