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  #1111  
Old 05-20-2008, 02:27 PM
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mlay mlay is offline
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Aging

A young man was feeling depressed that it had come time to admit his aging father to a nursing facility. He admitted the father, decided to give him a few days to adjust.

Days passed and he went for a visit not sure about how his father might be handling it. He found dad laughing, talking with other patients, and throughly enjoying himself. "Dad I see you are enjoying your stay"

Father: You know this is the most amazing place, they are so nice and respectfull and treat everyone so great.
See that man over there? He is 84 years old but his profession was a dentist and they still refer to him as Doc.
See that man over there? He is 92 but was a long time police officer, they still call him inspector.
See that man over there? He is 94 and was an officer in the Army, they call him Colonel.

And with a tear in his eye he said, "You know everytime I hear them speak of me, they still call me that F*@^*&$g Mexican.
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  #1112  
Old 05-20-2008, 07:41 PM
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puck_11 puck_11 is offline
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Boat: Mastercraft Prostar 205 1995
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Quote:
Originally Posted by h20_skidog View Post
John came home and told Marsha that he had purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector.

At 5:00 PM, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school, over 2 hours late. Both parents were angry. Why are you 2 hours late? I was at the Library, said Tommy. The Robot walked up and slapped Tommy out of his chair. Son, this robot is a lie detector; now tell us where you were. We went to Bobby's house and watched Cars. The Robot went around and slapped him again. I am sorry I lied. We really watched Sex Queen.

John said when I was your age, I never lied to my parents, saw dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty jokes, or misbehaved. The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse kick that knocked him out of his chair, out the back door and half way across the patio.

When he came back inside, Marsha was laughing. You asked for that! You can't be too mad; After all, He is your son! The Robot immediately walked around and knocked her out of the chair.
That is one of the greatest jokes I have heard in a long time!
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  #1113  
Old 05-23-2008, 08:30 AM
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sizzler sizzler is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Boat: 1995 barefoot200;;;2004 X9 MCX
Location: london,england:N51:33:37,E0:15:04
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The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany.
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it
will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on
prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced
in US.
I've been doing my part, and I thank you for your help,

Governor Eliot Spitzer (Governor, New york) "
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KEEP YA TOES UP!!!!!

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http://www.prwb.net/tallington/index.php?id=12


nice older x-boat at berth in the advertisment above
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  #1114  
Old 05-23-2008, 12:43 PM
TMCNo1 TMCNo1 is offline
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Boat: Gone
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Nevermind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Quote: 2RLAKE,
At some point in time people need to wake up, remove their cranial intrusion into their own rectal areas, and take responsibility for their own actions.




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  #1115  
Old 05-24-2008, 12:10 PM
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coz coz is offline
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  #1116  
Old 05-27-2008, 09:35 AM
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jbfootin jbfootin is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Boat: 2001 19Skier
Location: Appleton WI
Posts: 1,230
A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare
species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla
became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination,
the park veterinarian determined the problem: The gorilla was
in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas
of her species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators
noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for
cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little
sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY
species.

So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution.
Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to
have sex with the gorilla for $100?

Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the
matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that
he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss the gorilla."

"Second, you must never tell anyone about this."

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions,
so they asked what was his third condition.

Ed stated, "You gotta give me another week to come up with
the hundred bucks."
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  #1117  
Old 05-27-2008, 09:36 AM
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jbfootin jbfootin is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Boat: 2001 19Skier
Location: Appleton WI
Posts: 1,230
"On Sunday, Hillary Clinton attended church services in
Bowling Green. It just so happened that the minister gave
a 60 minute sermon on adultery. Here is the really embar-
rassing part: Right after the minister finished, Bill
stood up and gave a 20 minute rebuttal." -Jay Leno
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This is very dangerous. . .you go first.

Don't be sad when it is over, be happy that it happened
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  #1118  
Old 05-27-2008, 10:26 AM
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SkiDog SkiDog is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Boat: 07 X2, again!
Location: South of North
Posts: 7,342
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, 'Where have you been?'

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, 'Look, Michael, look what I've made.'

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'

'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call
it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.'

'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, 'For example, Northern
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Southern
Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and the Antarctica in the South will be very cold. Over there I've placed a
continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.'

God continued, pointing to different countries. 'This one will be
extremely hot and arid, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large area and
asked, 'What's that one?'

'Ah,' said God. 'That's the SOUTH, the most glorious place on Earth. There
are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite
coastline. The people from there are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known
throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. A truly great people.'

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What about
balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE.'

God replied wisely, 'Wait until you see the loudmouth obnoxious people I'm
putting north of them.'
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  #1119  
Old 05-27-2008, 10:29 AM
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Knox's_Better_half Knox's_Better_half is offline
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Join Date: May 2007
Boat: MasterCraft X2 2006 MCX
Location: Counting down the days........
Posts: 785
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiDog View Post
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, 'Where have you been?'

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, 'Look, Michael, look what I've made.'

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'

'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call
it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.'

'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, 'For example, Northern
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Southern
Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and the Antarctica in the South will be very cold. Over there I've placed a
continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.'

God continued, pointing to different countries. 'This one will be
extremely hot and arid, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large area and
asked, 'What's that one?'

'Ah,' said God. 'That's the SOUTH, the most glorious place on Earth. There
are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite
coastline. The people from there are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known
throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. A truly great people.'

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What about
balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE.'

God replied wisely, 'Wait until you see the loudmouth obnoxious people I'm
putting north of them.'
Now that is funny!!!
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  #1120  
Old 05-27-2008, 10:31 AM
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ShamrockIV ShamrockIV is offline
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Boat: 1973 S&S, and a few others that vary week to week
Location: Brush creek, TN
Posts: 5,105
does alaska count as north????
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Look for me on CHL!! I am in a MC of some sort lol!!!
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