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  #2881  
Old 01-23-2018, 08:15 PM
atihanyi atihanyi is offline
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that's just wrong
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  #2882  
Old 01-24-2018, 02:40 PM
slalomjunkie slalomjunkie is offline
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Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head. In sheer panic and fearing he really was turning white and might have to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his problem. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.

After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Jesse and told him to drink it all. Jesse did and replied, ”That tasted like bullshīt!” The doctor replied, ”It was, Jesse. You were a quart low.”
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  #2883  
Old 01-24-2018, 09:09 PM
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93Prostar190 93Prostar190 is offline
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Slalom Junkie as one of the token Latinos on TeamTalk your Spanish lesson was incredibly funny .... but I no build you a fence. 😀 seriously that was awesome!


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  #2884  
Old 02-02-2018, 11:17 AM
slalomjunkie slalomjunkie is offline
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The other day Mrs SlalomJunkie and I were getting busy in the bedroom (if you know what I mean)

In the heat of the moment, she says - "Darling could you put it in the other hole for a change? I really like it there."

“Um…..No way - I'm not risking getting you pregnant…”

Thinking Aheadly,

SJ

=================

Redneck Sexual IQ Test

A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False

Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False

Vâgina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. True or False

A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False

A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False

Anűs is a Latin term for yearly. True or False

Tçęsticles are found on an Octopus. True or False

Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False

Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False

Fetus is a character on Gun smoke. True or False

An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. True or False

A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False

An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True or False

A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False

An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False

Pornography is the business of making records. True or False

Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False
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  #2885  
Old 02-28-2018, 12:21 PM
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moosehead moosehead is offline
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Overhead in Old Ebbit Grill, a power lunch spot adjacent to the WH.

"With Kusher out of the way, Donald will have a better shot at his wife."
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  #2886  
Old 03-02-2018, 02:52 PM
slalomjunkie slalomjunkie is offline
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Hey gang, been a while since I had a blog entry... thought I'd post one up since i could tell JohnE missed them so much.

The other day before dinner Mrs SlalomJunkie said "I swear I think I have lockjaw...."

Without skipping a beat i said "That's ok, you hardly use your mouth for anything other than complaining or barking out honey-do's, I'll enjoy the break while I can"

She's been quiet for 3 days.

Honey-less,

SJ

-------------

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table.

The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my p-nis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to pull out my p-nis, go, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."

Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your p-nis back in your pants?"

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."
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  #2887  
Old 03-02-2018, 06:46 PM
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moosehead moosehead is offline
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Morning Joke Thread

A mouse is walking in the jungle and runs into an elephant that is crying loudly due to a large splinter in his foot.

So the elephant practically begs the mouse to help him out by pulling out the splinter.

The mouse hesitates, so the elephant says he will give the mouse anything he wants, for the live of gawd, just please get the splinter.

So the mouse says, anything at all?

The elephant perks up and confirms yes, anything, just help me out.

So the mouse says, ok, how about sex?

The elephant says, yea, whatever, just please get this splinter.

So the mouse removes the splinter and crawls up the elephants rear end to get ready for his return favor, when a coconut falls out a tree and hits the elephant in the head.

The elephant blurts out, oh god!

And the mouse says, Thats right honey, take all of it!


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  #2888  
Old 03-03-2018, 11:15 AM
ChadH ChadH is offline
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Keeping Marriage Fun

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It''s fart football." A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha! I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she let's out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on for the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed. The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
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  #2889  
Old 03-03-2018, 07:49 PM
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JohnnyB JohnnyB is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moosehead View Post
A mouse is walking in the jungle and runs into an elephant that is crying loudly due to a large splinter in his foot.

So the elephant practically begs the mouse to help him out by pulling out the splinter.

The mouse hesitates, so the elephant says he will give the mouse anything he wants, for the live of gawd, just please get the splinter.

So the mouse says, anything at all?

The elephant perks up and confirms yes, anything, just help me out.

So the mouse says, ok, how about sex?

The elephant says, yea, whatever, just please get this splinter.

So the mouse removes the splinter and crawls up the elephants rear end to get ready for his return favor, when a coconut falls out a tree and hits the elephant in the head.

The elephant blurts out, oh god!

And the mouse says, Thats right honey, take all of it!


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I heard the punchline as " take it all b!+ch "

Also, home is all about the sound effects when the mouse is getting busy 😂



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  #2890  
Old 03-07-2018, 03:00 PM
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pmkkdx pmkkdx is offline
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I think I know a few people like this ...
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