Morning Joke Thread

[shepherd]

classic

[TxsRiverRat]

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey,Dave, how ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser". "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says,"Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, Dave."

[mikeg205]

Originally Posted by TxsRiverRat

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey,Dave, how ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser". "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says,"Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, Dave."

Dave is a busy guy.....

[TxsRiverRat]

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending."

He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?" The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden.

The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?" The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license.

The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?" The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license.

The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?" Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license.

The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?"

The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said "You're so smart, why don’t you tell me?"

[SWGA Boater]

Dave decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening after the honeymoon, he was in the yard washing and waxing his MasterCraft boat. His new wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I have been thinking, now that we are married, I think its time that you give up boating. All you really do is work on this boat. It is time consuming and costs a lot of money. I think maybe you should sell the boat. I never told you this, but I really never like boating." Bob gets a horrified look on his face. She says "what's wrong darling." "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife!" she screams, I didn't know you were married before!" "Bob camly says, "I wasn't".

[mikeg205]

Originally Posted by SWGA Boater

Dave decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening after the honeymoon, he was in the yard washing and waxing his MasterCraft boat. His new wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I have been thinking, now that we are married, I think its time that you give up boating. All you really do is work on this boat. It is time consuming and costs a lot of money. I think maybe you should sell the boat. I never told you this, but I really never like boating." Bob gets a horrified look on his face. She says "what's wrong darling." "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife!" she screams, I didn't know you were married before!" "Bob camly says, "I wasn't".

lol..

[scott023]

:rotf: :rotf: :rotf:

[thatsmrmastercraft]

Funny 'cause it's true.

[TxsRiverRat]

So this guy had a sweet young thing of a secretary and decided to take her to dinner. He called his wife to tell her that he had to 'work late' and she said, 'no problem.'

After dinner they went back to her apartment and had mad sex for hours. On the way home he noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He fell into a state of panic. What was he going to tell his wife?

He walked in the door and was greeted by his excited and happy dog. Inspired, he fell to the floor and pretended to fight off the affectionate dog.

Holding his neck with one hand he walked into the living room and exclaimed, "Honey! Look at what the dog did to my neck!"

His wife jumped up, ripped open her blouse and said, "That's nothing, look at what he did to my t--ts!"

[Fast50dad]

Lady: Do you drink?
Man: Yes
Lady: How much a day?
Man: Three 6 packs
Lady: How much per 6 pack
Man: About $10.00
Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So one 6 pack cost $10.00 and you have three 6 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady: No
Man: So where's your Ferrari?