Morning Joke Thread

[sizzler]

n the farm lived a chicken and a donkey, both of whom loved to play
>together. One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a bog
and
>began to sink.
>
>Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee hawed' for the chicken to go get
>the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.
>
>Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to
>no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
>
>Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-4 series BMW.
>Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope,
>hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
>
>Back at the bog, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the
>chicken
>
>arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of
>rope the chicken tossed to him.
>
>After tieing the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the
>chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful
>car, rescued the donkey!
>
>Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and
>the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
>
>The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best
>pals.
>
>A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
>began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save his life!
>
>The donkey thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large
>puddle.
>
>Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he
>would
>
>then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the
>donkey pulled him up and out, saving his life.
>
>
>The moral of the story?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks
>

[André]

LOL!
Sizzler ,good one...as usual!!!

[Professor]

Great...

[sizzler]

i would like to say that i dont need a BMW.....

but i can't

[JimN]

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.
She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.
Her praying roused him from his slumber He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"Becky my darling," he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"
"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky with a smile, "Now let the poison work."

[JimN]

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths’ for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

############################
A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One Cent?", exclaimed the man.
So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the man.
"4 cents," the bartender replied. "Four Cents?", exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with
my wife." The man says,
"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business."

[MasterMason]

Hopefully no one is offended, but I found it funny





President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that
Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a
real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million
Muslims and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why
kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you
no one CARES about the 140 million Muslims".

[Hoosier Bob]

I have to say I will be telling that one tomorrow even though it is offensive. I only repeat offensive jokes!
Sorry!

[BriEOD]

Good one!

[JohnnyB]

So this panda is tired of hanging around the zoo and decides one night, when his cage is accidently left open, that he's going to do what people do.

Being after dark, he's heads to the bar for some good 'ol fashion binge drinkin'

So this panda bear is sitting at the bar drinking some beers and is approached by a fine lady who asks him if he wants to go home with her.

So the panda bear obliges and goes back to this gal's place for a night of wild sex.

In the morning he gets up to leave to get back to the zoo, and she says

"You can't leave you have to pay me"

Panda bear says "why would I pay you"

Girl says "I'm a prostitute"

Panda bear says "yeah and I'm a Panda bear"

Girl says "you don't understand".....grabbing a dictionary, she shows the Panda the definition of prostitute: Person who has sex in exchange for money

Quickly thinking, the Panda Bear opens the dictionary to Panda and says "see, Panda Bear : Animal that eats bush and leaves"

"Good-bye"