PDA

View Full Version : My son's friend dying at 21


lakes Rick
10-14-2004, 01:19 PM
My 20 year old lives with me.. He came home last night just sobbing. Seems his friend went to the doctor and has stomach cancer.. He is 21.... My son told me they had plans as they grew older....

Is it just me or do kids nowadays have more issues with life??

My sons mother ( the EX) has taken his trust money ( college). He has had 4 friends die in car wrecks.. His friend with the cancer wont tell his parents ( claims doctor said there is nothing they can do).. No wonder my son gets bummed out... Kid with cancer brother died in a car wreck a few years ago ( whole family went off the deep end for a while)... I never remember things happening this bad growing up...

bcampbe7
10-14-2004, 01:33 PM
Sorry to hear that Rick...
Is he going to get a second opinion? Maybe there is something that can be done...
Here is a site that may be worth checking out:
National Cancer Institute (http://cancer.gov/)

NeilM
10-14-2004, 01:37 PM
Sorry to hear that, Rick.

I think kids today are far more aware of things than we were. They have instant communications - information overload.

As far as medical conditions go, I don't think we're experiencing an increase in mortality rate in that age group compared to years past.

As far as things related to vehicle accidents and violence, yes, I believe the world has become a far tougher place. We haven't done a great job at leaving this planet in better condition for our kids than we found it for ourselves!

east tx skier
10-14-2004, 02:03 PM
Rick, I'm awfully sorry to hear that. Having lost my father when I was 16 to what I'm told began as intestinal cancer (among other locales), I know what it's like to deal with that sort of thing. My best to your son and his friend.

OhioProstar
10-14-2004, 02:06 PM
Rick. One of my best friends from college has a sister that everyone in our group got to know. She is a great chick and the kind of person that everyone loves to be around. In 1998 she was diagnoised with liaphatic cancer....at the time there wasn't suppose to be much anyone could do. 6 years later she is still proving the doctors wrong. I guess what I am saying is there always is hope.

Thrall
10-14-2004, 02:07 PM
I'm sorry for your son, Rick. I have had 3 of my best friends die in "freak" accidental deaths in the last couple years. It's tough to deal with, but just be as supportive of him as you can. It means the world to still have someone to turn to when things like this happen.
It's still difficult to deal with right away, but gets easier as time passes and it has given me a better outlook on life as far as not letting daily stresses get to me (work). Made me realize how fragile life is and even though you don't plan on dying, you need to live every day as if it could be your last (within reason). Helps remind you do the important things; spend more time with your family and friends and enjoy life to the best of your financial ability (balance between saving for a rainy day/retirement and enjoying what you are able to afford).

stevo137
10-14-2004, 07:16 PM
Rick, that is terrible news about that young man. I'm sorry to hear it.
I usually keep my beliefs to myself and know how you feel regarding the subject, but in this case I would tell him to seek the truth of God through his Son Jesus.
He can find true peace in his heart if he hasn't already.
We are all on this earth for a short time compared to eternity and have no guarantee of how long we will live.
Man it's tough to post this. :(
He needs to have all of the support from his family and friends and not give up.
Definately get more medical opinions.

lakes Rick
10-14-2004, 07:52 PM
I got his parents name today and I am going to call them.. My son just left to go over and kick his rear to get at least a second opinion.. Gonna try.....

stevo137
10-14-2004, 08:30 PM
Rick, you are the right man at the right time to convince them to pull together and exhaust ALL avenues. He's too young to just give up!
Keep us posted and if it gets too personal you can always PM.
Godspeed.

Leroy
10-14-2004, 09:39 PM
Rick; Sorry to hear, and this friend of your son needs help to go through this for sure. Friends, parents, and most people do seek faith when tough things like this hit (unless they are already deeply seated).

It seems the sphere of friends is so much larger than when I was a kid and with the improved communication you hear of so much now.

Best wishes

Dan K
10-14-2004, 11:28 PM
Rick,
I understand what you are saying about what kids have to deal with so young. I am sorry for you, your son and his friend to have to deal with all of this. Keep the faith, it may be all your son has for now is you example of how to cope.

captkidd
10-15-2004, 10:42 AM
Rick,
I'm certainly sorry to hear this news. Thanks for being there for your son and for his friend. It almost sounds stupid to say that but it's amazing how many parents don't.

I'm with Stevo. We're never without hope, and at times like this a person's faith can make a huge difference. I will certainly pray for him and for his family. If you think he might be open to it, you could post his name and address and we could all send him cards and messages of encouragement.

My first cousin died of a brain tumor at 19 (I know of at least 3 people from our high school that died of brain tumors within a few years after graduating) and his brother was completely paralyzed in a car wreck, so I know how devastating these things can be to a family. I went to a small high school, but we seemed to have more than our share of tragedies. A girl I graduated with was coming home from work one day and hit one of the teachers head-on and he died. A group of students was returning home from a cosmetology competition and hit another car. Three of the four (including the teacher) were killed, and the fourth got out with a few cuts and broken bones. She wondered why she was spared, but then a few years later she and another girl were killed in another car wreck. My brother and one of his best friends were coming home from a party one night. His friend was driving and my brother had his seat laid down and was sleeping. His friend went to sleep and missed a curve. The car flipped and his friend was crushed beneath the car and died; my brother got out with a broken nose, some minor cuts and bruises, and some very bad memories. Our poor principal went to so many funerals within just a few years that he eventually retired.

I don't know why I'm rambling on about all this. I'm certainly not trying to minimize your son's friend's condition. Please keep us informed and let us know if there's anything we can do.

DrNautica
10-15-2004, 12:19 PM
Very sorry to here about this.

Think for a minute before calling his parents. He is an adult who should be able to make his own decisions. Try talking with him directly before calling. You may be able to convince him to involve his family. That would be the best route IMO.

Try expaining this to your son. In spite of the tragedy of the potential loss of a good friend at such an early age, ask him if he would have preferred not to have known him at all. The point is, all of us are here for a limited time and, I believe, we all make a difference while we're here. So make the most of your friendships and even allow a person who has died continue to make a difference by not letting their memory die.

My children (both boys) at the ages of 9 and 13 had the untimely and tragic circumstance of watching their mother die from a massinve heart attack in their home when she was just 43. No sickness, no warnings and no chance for survival. Talking to her one minute and gone the next. That was a year and a half ago and the boys are doing great. We don't avoid talking about their Mom, in fact we mention her quite often. They are well adjusted and seem to be happy. My point is, all of us must endure adversity in our lives. I cannot even imagine losing my mother as an adolescent (she is still living) and dealing with it as my children have done. Yet they have and have done well. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Not to be too religious or anything but sometimes you gotta believe that someone bigger than us is in control of some of those things.

lakes Rick
10-15-2004, 04:52 PM
The replies on here have been great.. I guess I am not the lone ranger concerning "bad things" happening .... Thanks to all..

DR. Nautica, my condelences about your wife.. One thing I remember my shrink talking about ( yes even I needed help at one time) is how tough kids really are.. They are able to move on from incidents ( mental and physical ones) easier than adults...

My son is going to spend some time with his friend.. He is going to try to bring him over here and I am going to get him to a cancer specialist, at least try to... Thanks for the support...

Vern Swieringa
10-15-2004, 11:35 PM
Hey Rick,

Some of the best sermons don't have any words! Just be there for your son and his friend. I'll pray that God speaks through your compassion. Thanks for letting us come along side of you!!! You'll be in our thoughts and prayers.

lakes Rick
10-16-2004, 03:35 PM
My son confronted his friend yesterday and he denied it.. Remember a girl told my son and claimed "jessie" didn't want anyone to know.. If I can get him over to my house or get to him I will push the issue.. I think he has just given up....

stevo137
10-16-2004, 08:01 PM
Rick, It sounds like you have a good chance to get through to him.
Keep us posted.

DrNautica
10-17-2004, 10:37 PM
The replies on here have been great.. I guess I am not the lone ranger concerning "bad things" happening .... Thanks to all..

DR. Nautica, my condelences about your wife.. One thing I remember my shrink talking about ( yes even I needed help at one time) is how tough kids really are.. They are able to move on from incidents ( mental and physical ones) easier than adults...

My son is going to spend some time with his friend.. He is going to try to bring him over here and I am going to get him to a cancer specialist, at least try to... Thanks for the support...



Lakes Rick,

Sorry, didn't mean to mislead, but she was my ex-wife. The boys now live with me.

Please keep us posted and good luck to you , your son and his friend.