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76S&S
03-14-2013, 04:04 PM
The past couple of evenings I've been helping one of my twins (17) put new ball joints and cv joints/axles in the front end of his truck. Although the work isn't the most fun I've ever had, I sure have enjoyed the one on one time with him. I'm already dreading the day that they leave the nest and venture off into the world.:(

Double D
03-14-2013, 04:21 PM
Glad you can still do that. My 17 yo thinks I'm too stricked and doesn't like me much. :(

mwg
03-14-2013, 04:26 PM
Good for you... Working on projects with my daughters has also been one of my favorite things to do.. here is a picture of my daughter "helping" with repairs to one of my old bikes.. it slowed the job down but it was great sharing that time with her. (please excuse the condition of the shop)

tmacx2
03-14-2013, 04:30 PM
Glad you can still do that. My 17 yo thinks in too stricked and doesn't like me much. :(

That will change in a few short years and he'll thank you for it like mine did. I just got back from a Colorado ski trip with my son. It's the 6th year in a row we've done it and he told me he looks forward to it more each year. He's 30 now. It goes by too fast.

jhall0711
03-14-2013, 04:55 PM
Glad you can still do that. My 17 yo thinks I'm too stricked and doesn't like me much. :(

It gets better with age. My dad and I used to be terrible together as he was perfectionistic in his ways. Now that I am older and am turning into the same person; it makes getting along and working on stuff together much easier. Turns out at some point we realize you may have been right all along; not that he/I would ever admit that....:D:D

76S&S
03-14-2013, 04:58 PM
Glad you can still do that. My 17 yo thinks I'm too stricked and doesn't like me much. :(

Sorry to hear that, I'm sure it will get better, at least everyone says it does.

TN Barefooter
03-14-2013, 05:00 PM
Enjoy that time together. My oldest daughter (19 yoa) and I have been doing an annual father -daughter hunting trip since she was 13. We have had some of the best times together. When she went off to college she insisted that we continue our annual hunting trips. I've also started that tradition with our youngest daughter as well. Now with the boat in the summer and hunting in the fall it doesn't get much better than that. Thanks for sharing.

76S&S
03-14-2013, 05:01 PM
Good for you... Working on projects with my daughters has also been one of my favorite things to do.. here is a picture of my daughter "helping" with repairs to one of my old bikes.. it slowed the job down but it was great sharing that time with her. (please excuse the condition of the shop)

That's awesome!

It goes by SO fast, from babies to young men, it seems like days instead of years.

clrussell
03-14-2013, 05:18 PM
Glad to hear y'all are still spending time with your kids! Especially the way things are these days. I wish I would have had more projects with my dad, I know there is still time to have projects but we don't really have common interests. The few projects I have had with my dad or step dad are memories I'll have forever. Someday maybe I can make memories like that with my future children


Tapatalk

Covi
03-14-2013, 05:27 PM
great short story! My son is almost 5 and i hope he turns out just like yours!

thatsmrmastercraft
03-14-2013, 05:32 PM
My boy is 18 and we have had countless hours working on, and enjoying the use of out '77.

h2oskifreak
03-14-2013, 06:15 PM
great short story! My son is almost 5 and i hope he turns out just like yours!

I have a troubled 15 y/o and this is a painful thread to read for me. Best advice I can tell you with the 5 y/o is "Don't let him get into the video games at too young of an age. Once they get started on that, it's hard to pull them away. Be active with him and try to get him outdoors."

jk13
03-14-2013, 06:35 PM
Also, careful with ipods and internet freedom. My now 15yo had a massive issue last year with some friends texting and asking him advice on personal problems and fighting at all hours, keeping him up sometimes all night. I won't get into details but it got pretty bad and took a huge toll on him and his GPA.

We resorted to having two wifi systems in the house, one for him that is on from 7am to 9:30pm and one for my wife and I to use 24 hours that he can't access.

Other than that it's been pretty good with him. We get to work on the boat and cars together, play adult league hockey together when it's not his team's season, and he downhill skiis with me while I snowboard. I, too am dreading the day he leaves. My 10yo daughter I'm not too worried about yet.

JohnE
03-14-2013, 10:16 PM
I've been working ( and fighting)with hobby and professional projects with my dad for 30 years. We fight like crazy (Not literally, just a power struggle) and he still knows more about most things than I do. Enjoy every minute of it.

GoneBoatN
03-15-2013, 12:48 AM
Also, careful with ipods and internet freedom. My now 15yo had a massive issue last year with some friends texting and asking him advice on personal problems and fighting at all hours, keeping him up sometimes all night. I won't get into details but it got pretty bad and took a huge toll on him and his GPA.

We resorted to having two wifi systems in the house, one for him that is on from 7am to 9:30pm and one for my wife and I to use 24 hours that he can't access.

Other than that it's been pretty good with him. We get to work on the boat and cars together, play adult league hockey together when it's not his team's season, and he downhill skiis with me while I snowboard. I, too am dreading the day he leaves. My 10yo daughter I'm not too worried about yet.

A lot of wireless routers have the ability to do access restrictions based upon the ethernet MAC address. That could get you back to one router. That is how I control my son's devices.

Kyle
03-15-2013, 03:12 AM
This is a very very hard thread for me.

I'm not married, never been married, nor have kids. I do not have a relstionship with my father due to his behavior and choices. I'm 32 and he has never been around. It was too much for him to go to football games, baseball games, golf tournaments, or ski tournaments. I've skied tournaments for 10 years and have skied regular class C, regional level, and national level tournaments. He has always been too busy to attend and has never been to watch me compete one time.


All I can say is no matter how bad your kids piss you off, never give up on them. One day they will realize that they don't know everything and want to be around.

I have not hung out with him on a social level in about 15 yrs and I may speak to him 1 or 2 times per year until past year when it has gone to no communication. Birthdays, holidays, etc and no communication.

Everything that a son should learn from their dad has been missed and I have learned things on my own.

My younger married sister had her first child. He didnt even bother making the 3.5 hour drive from Ft Worth to Houston to be around for his first grandchild or be there for his daughter.

Just support your kids and they will be greatfull in the in the long run.

Snipe
03-15-2013, 07:40 AM
I'm 73 now...my kids (3) are married with their own kids. My wife and I have always tried to be there for their activities what ever they were. Now I see our kids doing things with their kids and I reminisce of old times. Sometimes even get a little moist around the eyes;but here's the fun part... I get to do it all over again with the grand-kids now that they have started skiing. Only now I can correct some of the mistakes I made and that feels great.
Never, never ever miss out on an opportunity being involved with your kids.

LTWon
03-15-2013, 08:33 AM
That is time that not only you will enjoy and later cherish but they will as well. My dad died when i was in High School and do not have many memories like that. However, I do have countless memories helping my grandfather on his farm and that is something that i wouldn't trade for anything. Simple tasks of changing the oil in the car or truck or larger ticket items like fixing broken tile or fixing things on the fly to get the job done are skills i am thankful to have. My grandfather passed away last April, and I really do miss him, but the memories like stated above are something i look back at and am forever grateful to have.

heath124
03-15-2013, 08:45 AM
My son has raced motorcycles since he was 9 and we have made some of the best memories of our life. I have watched him on a motorcycle from a little boy to the young man he is now. I have watched him mature in so many. I always tell him, right before the gate drops, to Ride hard, have fun, say a pray, and I love you. When he was around 11 years old he ask me one day. Why do you tell me all that? He just turned 18 last month and last time we were on the gate he turned to me with his helmet and goggles on and said, I love you too and thank you for everything you have done for me over the years. And man was I glad the sun was shining and I had my sunglasses on, because I was crying my eyes out under those glasses. It was then I realized I had raised and fine young man and couldn't have been more pride of him. People have ask me over the years. I can't believe you let your son race motorcycles, it's so dangerous. Yes he has had some broke bones, but I don't think there is any other sport that a father and son can bond like in motocross. It is so one on one. I am is coach, his sponsor, his mechanic, his track worker. We do it all together. Over the years working on bikes and working on his practice track together, we would see how quick we could get done so he could ride, now it's changed because we work a little and stop and talk a little. My point is, over the years how his thinking has changed from that he thought we were just working on a motorcycle or working on his practice track but for me then, it was spending time with him also. Now he sees that and he realizes it was time spent together also. At times this sport has financially put us in a bind but I would do it all over again. Spending time with your kids is priceless. Hopefully one day when he has some kids I will get that opportunity to do that with him and his son (or daughter).

Double D
03-15-2013, 09:17 AM
It gets better with age. My dad and I used to be terrible together as he was perfectionistic in his ways. Now that I am older and am turning into the same person; it makes getting along and working on stuff together much easier. Turns out at some point we realize you may have been right all along; not that he/I would ever admit that....:D:D

Thanks JH, I really hope so. Seeing you and your father together helps that seem realistic.

Sorry to hear that, I'm sure it will get better, at least everyone says it does.

I know I will have to make sure I don't hold a grudge.

76S&S
03-15-2013, 09:56 AM
great short story! My son is almost 5 and i hope he turns out just like yours!

No kid is perfect, nor am I.

I do the best I can and try to be as involved as possible in their lives. Oh and I get to do this all over again. We had an oops almost 6 years ago, so I have one more son to raise. Just hoping I can get it right!

76S&S
03-15-2013, 09:59 AM
Kyle, it was hard for me to read your story. I lost my dad and best friend 2 1/2 years ago and it still hurts not having him around. I pray that there is some event that turns y'alls relationship around and that you get to enjoy the future years with him.

gid
03-15-2013, 10:33 AM
This is a very very hard thread for me.

I'm not married, never been married, nor have kids. I do not have a relstionship with my father due to his behavior and choices. I'm 32 and he has never been around. It was too much for him to go to football games, baseball games, golf tournaments, or ski tournaments. I've skied tournaments for 10 years and have skied regular class C, regional level, and national level tournaments. He has always been too busy to attend and has never been to watch me compete one time.

Kyle - we are in the same boat. I am married though, no kids either. Im 47, dad is 80. I never got the feeling my whole life he liked me. At my nieces wedding my dad overheard me say I was going to replace the carpet in my boat. He screams...you will Fu** that up too! I left. In his eyes I am worthless (I think because I am not an engineer like him) I have tried to hug him / love him over the years, nothing in return. I think I have a life to be proud of - same job for 13 yrs, have two houses, all toys are paid for, some $ in the bank - never in any trouble at all, not even a speeding ticket. I think I am a good son.
I dread going home for the holidays - Christmas is so stressful!!
No grandparents either, all passed (for the most part) before I came along.
I love my mom to death, talk to her weekly.

milkmania
03-15-2013, 10:41 AM
A lot of wireless routers have the ability to do access restrictions based upon the ethernet MAC address. That could get you back to one router. That is how I control my son's devices.
+1, you beat me to it:)

Snipe
03-15-2013, 10:51 AM
I really feel for those that have parents that don't love their kids. I thank God for the parents I had that loved me and made me what I am today.:):)

milkmania
03-15-2013, 11:00 AM
This is a very very hard thread for me.

I'm not married, never been married, nor have kids. I do not have a relstionship with my father due to his behavior and choices. I'm 32 and he has never been around. It was too much for him to go to football games, baseball games, golf tournaments, or ski tournaments. I've skied tournaments for 10 years and have skied regular class C, regional level, and national level tournaments. He has always been too busy to attend and has never been to watch me compete one time.


All I can say is no matter how bad your kids piss you off, never give up on them. One day they will realize that they don't know everything and want to be around.

I have not hung out with him on a social level in about 15 yrs and I may speak to him 1 or 2 times per year until past year when it has gone to no communication. Birthdays, holidays, etc and no communication.

Everything that a son should learn from their dad has been missed and I have learned things on my own.

My younger married sister had her first child. He didnt even bother making the 3.5 hour drive from Ft Worth to Houston to be around for his first grandchild or be there for his daughter.

Just support your kids and they will be greatfull in the in the long run.

Different people handle things differently....
I've lost my relationship with my 29 year old son (long story), but I was there for EVERYTHING, whether it was showing animals for FFA, baseball, school activities, boy scouts... When he was younger, I had a job where I got off work at 5:00am, was home by 6:00 am. If he had an activity that day, there were often times where I'd stay up all day for him, then coach his ball team that evening, and go back to work that night without ever going to bed.
Wasn't invited to his wedding in November 2011, and would not have gone if I were.
He's not welcome in my home.
I was hospitalized in November 2012, and I reminded my ex that I did not want him anywhere around. (she brought the 2 younger kids to visit)
It's almost like I divorced my oldest son and the ex-wife, and my bitterness is a result from the choices he's made.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I didn't have much family support for my activities.

Yesterday, my daughter was at work and she texted and asked if I could do her a favor.... my standard reply is "I'll do the best I can".... long story short, I drove 60 miles round trip, so I could use my laptop, log into her TurboTax with my iPhone wifi connection and printer to print out her State Tax Return.
And I'd do it again tomorrow if she asked!

Kyle
03-15-2013, 12:36 PM
Milk

You get my feelings 100%.

My family (my grandpa, mom, 2 sisters, and bro n law) know and are ver very clear that if something happens to me to not even let him know about it. If I would happen to have my funeral before his they know not to even call and tell him details. I don't want him there.


My 32 bday is Tuesday next week. He texted me last week saying "I know your birthday is coming up, these are the days I have available if you want to meet up." (Not asking how I'm doing or what my schedule was like, but gave me his convienent times) Now you might ask. Why do you have a problem with that......The sorry bastard is sending me that text so he can continue to show his mother that I have abandoned his family and will not return calls, texts, emails, etc. he does this so she will carve me out of a will or not give me any inheritance. The thing is idgaf about her money one bit and I'm not going to be fake friends so she will leave something behind for me. Frankly I don't need or want anything from them.

The man has tried the "oh you will F up that too" with me. The last time he said something like that I ignored until we were alone and then it was real clear that if he ever talked to me that way ever again then he would need some serious assistance picking himself back up.

This piece of work called me out when I was in highschool one day. I walk in my my parents home and I see my mother and two sisters on a couch and him standing over them verbally and physically abusing all 3 of them. (Slapping them and pulling their hair wille cussing them out). He calls outside thinking he could just go off on me and have his Napoleon syndrome control me too. While I was walking through the door to go outside this chicken chit jumps me from behind like a freaking monkey and started choking me out from behind and punching me in the temple and ear area with the other hand. After the garage door finally made it up I could pin him up on a wall and turn to where I was facing him while he was still on me like a monkey. I took about 3 steps into the driveway to get some space and just jumped forward and did a belly flop and made him land head first into the concrete. As he let go I did a simple wrist lock and told him if you ever disrespect my family again you will seriously have perminant problems to deal with every day or be dead. To this day he has never once physically touched my mother or sisters. He has though verbally torn them down and when they cry I remind him of his head being smacked on a concrete deiveway and if he continued then I would make his headache much much worse this time around. The spineless sob called my sister a "B" and a "C" right before her wedding (like about to walk down the isle 10 min before show time) because she wanted her wedding her way and not his. Another event where he was reminded to watch his mouth before he was picking up teeth. The problem is he does this behavior in a public setting and doesn't cause a scene. He waits for one on one time and verbally goes off. So me wearing him out would look like it was done for no reason because he is spineless.


I don't know where this man lives and don't care either. All I have is a cell number. No work number, no home number, no home addy, that's it. I don't care either. I've learned that this is the life God gave me and I'm supposed to learn something from it. Although I will forgive, I will not forget and I never want to be around him ever again. There is nothing to salvage. I never want to see him ever again or speak to him ever again.


You may ask what does this man do for a living.



Well he was a teacher, then a vice principal, principal, now in admin for the local school district........blows me away too I know

milkmania
03-15-2013, 01:06 PM
Milk

You get my feelings 100%.

My family (my grandpa, mom, 2 sisters, and bro n law) know and are ver very clear that if something happens to me to not even let him know about it. If I would happen to have my funeral before his they know not to even call and tell him details. I don't want him there.


My 32 bday is Tuesday next week. He texted me last week saying "I know your birthday is coming up, these are the days I have available if you want to meet up." (Not asking how I'm doing or what my schedule was like, but gave me his convienent times) Now you might ask. Why do you have a problem with that......The sorry bastard is sending me that text so he can continue to show his mother that I have abandoned his family and will not return calls, texts, emails, etc. he does this so she will carve me out of a will or not give me any inheritance. The thing is idgaf about her money one bit and I'm not going to be fake friends so she will leave something behind for me. Frankly I don't need or want anything from them.

The man has tried the "oh you will F up that too" with me. The last time he said something like that I ignored until we were alone and then it was real clear that if he ever talked to me that way ever again then he would need some serious assistance picking himself back up.

This piece of work called me out when I was in highschool one day. I walk in my my parents home and I see my mother and two sisters on a couch and him standing over them verbally and physically abusing all 3 of them. (Slapping them and pulling their hair wille cussing them out). He calls outside thinking he could just go off on me and have his Napoleon syndrome control me too. While I was walking through the door to go outside this chicken chit jumps me from behind like a freaking monkey and started choking me out from behind and punching me in the temple and ear area with the other hand. After the garage door finally made it up I could pin him up on a wall and turn to where I was facing him while he was still on me like a monkey. I took about 3 steps into the driveway to get some space and just jumped forward and did a belly flop and made him land head first into the concrete. As he let go I did a simple wrist lock and told him if you ever disrespect my family again you will seriously have perminant problems to deal with every day or be dead. To this day he has never once physically touched my mother or sisters. He has though verbally torn them down and when they cry I remind him of his head being smacked on a concrete deiveway and if he continued then I would make his headache much much worse this time around. The spineless sob called my sister a "B" and a "C" right before her wedding (like about to walk down the isle 10 min before show time) because she wanted her wedding her way and not his. Another event where he was reminded to watch his mouth before he was picking up teeth. The problem is he does this behavior in a public setting and doesn't cause a scene. He waits for one on one time and verbally goes off. So me wearing him out would look like it was done for no reason because he is spineless.


I don't know where this man lives and don't care either. All I have is a cell number. No work number, no home number, no home addy, that's it. I don't care either. I've learned that this is the life God gave me and I'm supposed to learn something from it. Although I will forgive, I will not forget and I never want to be around him ever again. There is nothing to salvage. I never want to see him ever again or speak to him ever again.


You may ask what does this man do for a living.



Well he was a teacher, then a vice principal, principal, now in admin for the local school district........blows me away too I know

None of our family stuff has every been that violent, it's more of a "chickensh*t, behind my back" situation. My oldest knows he screwed up, we see each other weekly, (youngest son's baseball games) haven't spoken in years. He doesn't even have to the balls to look me in the eye.
I won't tolerate a thief and a liar, and if he can't admit his mistakes..... his problem, not mine!
Will I ever forgive him? dunno, but I'm not going to be the one that takes the first step!

The type of relationship you mention is what I grew up with, and I made the commitment in my heart that I would never treat a child or wife that way.

Edit:
76s&s,
We didn't mean to jack your thread, I have a great relationship with my 15 year old son, 17 year old daughter, and 20 year old daughter:)

76S&S
03-15-2013, 01:48 PM
Milk, no problem, glad to hear that everything is great with those three.

Kyle, what you described is not a father, not in my eyes. But it sounds like, despite his best effort to screw you up, that someone raised a good young man. To me, my job as a father is to teach, mentor and advise when asked (just to name a few things). I simply want to do what I can to raise good men, that will have the mental aptitude and skills to go out into the world and make in on their own.

I want to be their friend, but I will always be their dad first, which sometime means that they don't like me much. We get though these times, I remind them that I love them and that I only want the best for them.

Rockman
03-15-2013, 02:08 PM
My dad was a do-it-myself type of guy, just like I am now. My mom passed away in 2009 and my dad in 2011, so having my 2 best teachers gone, it is hard sometimes.

But as the tables turn, I am on the other side...I now have 2 "grease monkeys" (and trust me, they do not hold back in terms of getting dirty! :D) that I am showing how to take things apart and fix. When the weather is warm, they are always outside in the garage with me or in the back yard cutting the grass, etc.

When I first found the project 190 that we bought last fall, my daughter saw the picture in the ad and said "Daddy, you HAVE to buy that boat...it is pink and blue, my favorite color and JD's favorite color." So that was the deciding factor and the wifey could not object! :D

The kids have been asking when we are getting the boat out of storage and when the river will be "open" for us to go there...Livi already started showing JD where things are in the boat when we had it in our garage last fall. That was cool to see and hear...

The "Usual Suspects" :D

thatsmrmastercraft
03-15-2013, 02:47 PM
My dad was a do-it-myself type of guy, just like I am now. My mom passed away in 2009 and my dad in 2011, so having my 2 best teachers gone, it is hard sometimes.

But as the tables turn, I am on the other side...I now have 2 "grease monkeys" (and trust me, they do not hold back in terms of getting dirty! :D) that I am showing how to take things apart and fix. When the weather is warm, they are always outside in the garage with me or in the back yard cutting the grass, etc.

When I first found the project 190 that we bought last fall, my daughter saw the picture in the ad and said "Daddy, you HAVE to buy that boat...it is pink and blue, my favorite color and JD's favorite color." So that was the deciding factor and the wifey could not object! :D

The kids have been asking when we are getting the boat out of storage and when the river will be "open" for us to go there...Livi already started showing JD where things are in the boat when we had it in our garage last fall. That was cool to see and hear...

The "Usual Suspects" :Dhttp://mastercraft.com/teamtalk/attachment.php?attachmentid=91160&stc=1&d=1363367317

Great pic. Watch out....those little helpers grow up quick.

Rockman
03-15-2013, 02:58 PM
Great pic. Watch out....those little helpers grow up quick.

Yes, they are getting bigger...attitudes as well! :rolleyes:

Funny story though...
When Livi was about 4 I started taking her to HD on Saturdays mornings for the Kids' workshops where they build birdhouses, cup holders, etc. Something her and I got to do together and give momma a break at home for a bit. :D

The first workshop we went to I think we made some sort of wooden tray for mail or something of the like...so on the table they gave us a hammer, some glue and some paint. Livi starts hammering the first small finishing nail into the wood and drops the hammer on the table in disgust. I look at her and asked her what was wrong. She tells me "Daddy, why do we have to use hammers. They have a bunch of air nailers right over there on the shelf. Can't they just let us use those?...It would go alot faster."

I just started to laugh...

thatsmrmastercraft
03-15-2013, 03:04 PM
Yes, they are getting bigger...attitudes as well! :rolleyes:

Funny story though...
When Livi was about 4 I started taking her to HD on Saturdays mornings for the Kids' workshops where they build birdhouses, cup holders, etc. Something her and I got to do together and give momma a break at home for a bit. :D

The first workshop we went to I think we made some sort of wooden tray for mail or something of the like...so on the table they gave us a hammer, some glue and some paint. Livi starts hammering the first small finishing nail into the wood and drops the hammer on the table in disgust. I look at her and asked her what was wrong. She tells me "Daddy, why do we have to use hammers. They have a bunch of air nailers right over there on the shelf. Can't they just let us use those?...It would go alot faster."

I just started to laugh...

Made me laugh too!

milkmania
03-15-2013, 03:12 PM
Yes, they are getting bigger...attitudes as well! :rolleyes:

Funny story though...
When Livi was about 4 I started taking her to HD on Saturdays mornings for the Kids' workshops where they build birdhouses, cup holders, etc. Something her and I got to do together and give momma a break at home for a bit. :D

The first workshop we went to I think we made some sort of wooden tray for mail or something of the like...so on the table they gave us a hammer, some glue and some paint. Livi starts hammering the first small finishing nail into the wood and drops the hammer on the table in disgust. I look at her and asked her what was wrong. She tells me "Daddy, why do we have to use hammers. They have a bunch of air nailers right over there on the shelf. Can't they just let us use those?...It would go alot faster."

I just started to laugh...

still got the kid's orange aprons with their names on them, the bird houses, pencil holders and the bird feeders we built :)

good times

hondaprlud
03-15-2013, 03:13 PM
It's terrible to hear the hurt and pain in some of the stories here. This thread started so positive.

Well anyway, here's my story. Growing up dad worked a lot. I was 1 of 5 and mom and dad both grew up poor. He worked tirelessly to provide for us. I remember resenting that he was never around to go to my games, etc. We got along ok but it wasn't like some strong bond many of you have expressed. When I was 16 dad started a business. While in college I worked for him a little part time, after that full time. I really liked what I was doing and it was kinda cool being around dad and some of my brothers. He would tell me "you have a job here because you're good at your job not because you have the same last name". In December dad retired, I worked side by side with him daily for 16 years. He was always available as a sounding board and helped me in so many ways. For the last 10 years or so he would tell me and my brothers that he started this company so my brothers and I would have a better way to provide for our families than he did. His one rule was that the company can not be allowed to come between the family. We all bought in and strive to operate that way (some days are easier than others). Because of what he did, I get to see my brothers everyday, I have a great career and can not thank him enough. My oldest is 11 and spent a lot of time snowboarding with him this winter, I get out to my daughters swim meets etc. So dad and I didn't spend much time working on a project etc. but I wouldn't change it for the world.

gid
03-15-2013, 03:18 PM
Milk

You get my feelings 100%.

My family (my grandpa, mom, 2 sisters, and bro n law) know and are ver very clear that if something happens to me to not even let him know about it. If I would happen to have my funeral before his they know not to even call and tell him details. I don't want him there.


My 32 bday is Tuesday next week. He texted me last week saying "I know your birthday is coming up, these are the days I have available if you want to meet up." (Not asking how I'm doing or what my schedule was like, but gave me his convienent times) Now you might ask. Why do you have a problem with that......The sorry bastard is sending me that text so he can continue to show his mother that I have abandoned his family and will not return calls, texts, emails, etc. he does this so she will carve me out of a will or not give me any inheritance. The thing is idgaf about her money one bit and I'm not going to be fake friends so she will leave something behind for me. Frankly I don't need or want anything from them.

The man has tried the "oh you will F up that too" with me. The last time he said something like that I ignored until we were alone and then it was real clear that if he ever talked to me that way ever again then he would need some serious assistance picking himself back up.

This piece of work called me out when I was in highschool one day. I walk in my my parents home and I see my mother and two sisters on a couch and him standing over them verbally and physically abusing all 3 of them. (Slapping them and pulling their hair wille cussing them out). He calls outside thinking he could just go off on me and have his Napoleon syndrome control me too. While I was walking through the door to go outside this chicken chit jumps me from behind like a freaking monkey and started choking me out from behind and punching me in the temple and ear area with the other hand. After the garage door finally made it up I could pin him up on a wall and turn to where I was facing him while he was still on me like a monkey. I took about 3 steps into the driveway to get some space and just jumped forward and did a belly flop and made him land head first into the concrete. As he let go I did a simple wrist lock and told him if you ever disrespect my family again you will seriously have perminant problems to deal with every day or be dead. To this day he has never once physically touched my mother or sisters. He has though verbally torn them down and when they cry I remind him of his head being smacked on a concrete deiveway and if he continued then I would make his headache much much worse this time around. The spineless sob called my sister a "B" and a "C" right before her wedding (like about to walk down the isle 10 min before show time) because she wanted her wedding her way and not his. Another event where he was reminded to watch his mouth before he was picking up teeth. The problem is he does this behavior in a public setting and doesn't cause a scene. He waits for one on one time and verbally goes off. So me wearing him out would look like it was done for no reason because he is spineless.


I don't know where this man lives and don't care either. All I have is a cell number. No work number, no home number, no home addy, that's it. I don't care either. I've learned that this is the life God gave me and I'm supposed to learn something from it. Although I will forgive, I will not forget and I never want to be around him ever again. There is nothing to salvage. I never want to see him ever again or speak to him ever again.


You may ask what does this man do for a living.

Well he was a teacher, then a vice principal, principal, now in admin for the local school district........blows me away too I know

Wow. I got the belt a lot, mine once drew his fist back at me - I stated, go ahead - it will be the last thing you do (I was 15 or so). I have tried very very hard NOT to be anything like my dad. He would come home from work (high level engineer w major company) YELL about the idiots at work, have a few strong drinks and yell at my mom for loading the dishwasher wrong. I could go into many stories. I was too 'dumb' to even hold the light correctly when I tried to help him work on cars.

TN Barefooter
03-15-2013, 03:40 PM
Reading your life stories brings back some of my memories. We moved to the states in 1973 and mom and dad raised four kids (3 boys and one girl) in Miami. They both worked all the time to make ends meet and they seldom if ever made any of my ball games. However, they always made sure that we had what we needed. Both were very strict and raised us right, I was the third child and I gave them my fair share of heart aches and pain. Dad always had a boat and we always went fishing or just hung out on the boat on weekends. He instilled in us boys a strong work ethic and a love for the ocean/water that until this day we still share. They never spared the rod but we always knew they loved us. My dad always reminded us that America didn't owe us anything, we owed America for allowing us to live here. On my last football game during my senior year in high school my mom came to watch me and she sat on the visitors side accidentally :D. She was reminded that she was in the wrong stands and cheering for the wrong team and mom almost got into a scuffle (she's old school ;)). They always supported our endeavors even if they were unable to make it to games that they found to be trivial. My dad taught me how to turn wrenches and even today I will call him when I have technical problems. Although we knew our parents loved us, love was not a word that we used around our house, when I turned 23 I told my dad that I loved him and every time we speak I always tell him that I love him. I'm 47 and love him as much today as I did back then. I will feel lost when they pass on. Out of the four of us, three have college degrees (my oldest brother got his law degree from Georgetown University,and I have a Master's degree, my other brother served in the military. Through thick and thin mom and dad did the best they could for us.

I have now been married for 21 years (this year) and we have two beautiful daughters (19 and 9). They have always enjoyed sports, riding horses and of course the water! I'm strict with them but always remind them that I love them. In our household love is a word that we use daily (how things change) I've always tried to make all of their games but unfortunately I have missed a few. My youngest daughter came over to the boat the other day and said: "daddy, I love how the boat smells." I remember saying those same words to my dad when I was about her age.

For the guys here that were unable to experience great times with their fathers, my hat goes off to you. You obviously didn't let that stop you from being successful in your ventures. Although I don't know you personally I'm honored to be acquainted with you on this forum. In my opinion you guys are solid men.

For those of you that are struggling with your children I hope that it eventually works out. And for those that have a great relationship with your kids, keep it up. The memories that you are making now will last a lifetime.

milkmania
03-15-2013, 03:40 PM
It's terrible to hear the hurt and pain in some of the stories here. This thread started so positive.

Well anyway, here's my story. Growing up dad worked a lot. I was 1 of 5 and mom and dad both grew up poor. He worked tirelessly to provide for us. I remember resenting that he was never around to go to my games, etc. We got along ok but it wasn't like some strong bond many of you have expressed. When I was 16 dad started a business. While in college I worked for him a little part time, after that full time. I really liked what I was doing and it was kinda cool being around dad and some of my brothers. He would tell me "you have a job here because you're good at your job not because you have the same last name". In December dad retired, I worked side by side with him daily for 16 years. He was always available as a sounding board and helped me in so many ways. For the last 10 years or so he would tell me and my brothers that he started this company so my brothers and I would have a better way to provide for our families than he did. His one rule was that the company can not be allowed to come between the family. We all bought in and strive to operate that way (some days are easier than others). Because of what he did, I get to see my brothers everyday, I have a great career and can not thank him enough. My oldest is 11 and spent a lot of time snowboarding with him this winter, I get out to my daughters swim meets etc. So dad and I didn't spend much time working on a project etc. but I wouldn't change it for the world.

I don't really think the thread has turned bad..... I think it gives a little insight about how diverse the backgrounds of our members are.... a lot of that diversity creates strength and opportunity.

What your father did was create a bonding relationship within a family that worked for that family... it just so happened that it was a business that helped strengthen that bond. that's not to say it would work for all families. But it worked for yours, and in this day and time... that's a good thing.

I've actually used a "time sheet" for any work my son has helped me with, since he was 13 years old... if he performs a service such as detailing limousine, he writes it on his time sheet. He's paid regularly, and buys the things he "wants".... his golf clubs, iPhone 4s, xbox360, games, higher end shoes*, Christmas presents, etc.... if it's something he "needs", I gladly take take of that.
*(I go 1/2 on his shoes, because for some reason, he thinks he needs $100.00+ shoes):rolleyes:
Now that he's 15,
He'll hire me to take his group of guys/girls out for an evening (if I'm not booked), but it's only for a 1 hour rate...
this teaches him
1)He can't have good old dad take him and his friends out anytime he wants
2) It teaches him if he wants something, he's got to save for it.
3) If I have his group out to the mall and movies, and an actual customer calls, I can't just leave his group hanging...I'm actually working with a group.
4) The money he pays goes for fuel and their soft drinks.... I donate my time to his party.
Doing this serves several purposes, but the main purpose is that I'm still doing something with my 15 year old son and I know where he's at, who he's with!

And you know.... When we part ways before or after ballgames and he's standing with his buddies/girls/etc, he still has no problem saying "I love you" or hugging me in front of his friends, dropping him off at school every morning, and every night at bedtime.

All a parent can do is try the best they can..... it's when you don't try is when they lose faith in you. If they see you trying, they'll follow you forever.

milkmania
03-15-2013, 03:55 PM
Wow. I got the belt a lot, mine once drew his fist back at me - I stated, go ahead - it will be the last thing you do (I was 15 or so). I have tried very very hard NOT to be anything like my dad. He would come home from work (high level engineer w major company) YELL about the idiots at work, have a few strong drinks and yell at my mom for loading the dishwasher wrong. I could go into many stories. I was too 'dumb' to even hold the light correctly when I tried to help him work on cars.

my oldest son back in 2002.... he was a junior in high school.... I'm 5'11"

in 2010, we got into an argument in front of a lot of people at a football activity for youngest son....
(long history, heated argument, wrong place, wrong time)
I pushed my chest up into his, and he said "you just want me to hit you, don't you?" I said "you damned right I do, I know your weak spots!"
not something I'm proud of, but he backed down.

He's 29 now, 6'6" and 360lbs.
Long way to go before that relationship will be rebuilt