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Sawdust
09-27-2010, 06:58 PM
Before you say something critical of someone else you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do say something you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

shepherd
09-29-2010, 04:30 PM
Don't try to extinguish an electrical fire by peeing on it.

OldGlory
09-29-2010, 04:42 PM
Disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"...:confused:

shunra
09-29-2010, 05:09 PM
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

flipper
09-29-2010, 05:22 PM
I remember when the air was clean and the sex was dirty

captain planet
09-29-2010, 05:25 PM
Imagine how much deeper the oceans would be if we removed all the sponges!

helton333
09-29-2010, 05:27 PM
What is green and has 4 wheels? Grass. I was just kidding about the 4 wheels.

ski_king
09-29-2010, 05:31 PM
Why dosn't a hamburger have ham in it?

jaysus
09-29-2010, 06:47 PM
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

LaRue
09-29-2010, 08:01 PM
One night I came home very late. It was the next night

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.- Steven Wright

tex
09-29-2010, 08:03 PM
If I had more hands, I'd drink more beer!

ahhudgins
09-29-2010, 08:43 PM
The difference between a toy and a sex toy is location. Am I allowed to say that? :o

Hammer
09-29-2010, 09:44 PM
Why are apartments so close together?

madmuffin
09-30-2010, 12:04 AM
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him float on his back

shepherd
09-30-2010, 12:21 AM
Never mind. That was dumb.

MCVOLS
09-30-2010, 09:57 AM
Indecision may or may not be my problem. - jimmy buffett

Poulin
09-30-2010, 10:21 AM
If you find that you are in a fair fight....your tactics suck!

JimN
09-30-2010, 11:34 AM
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

"Imagine a world without hypothetical situations".

JimN
09-30-2010, 11:36 AM
Why dosn't a hamburger have ham in it?

You forgot about Ham-Dingers.

"Ham Dingers, Ham Dingers. Hamburgers made with ham".

kjohnson
10-04-2010, 09:29 AM
Before you say something critical of someone else you should walk a mile in their shoes.

Everyone should live by this. I try to. You never know what someome else is experiencing at any point in time. When I got divorced, everyone thought that I should just bounce back overnight and gave me a lot of crap about various things.

bbymgr
10-04-2010, 05:47 PM
If you find that you are in a fair fight....your tactics suck!

"Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat."

Poulin
10-04-2010, 11:31 PM
"Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat."

Sun Tzu...

shepherd
10-04-2010, 11:55 PM
When the sun shines on your Tzu, you'll get blisters on your Who.

Slinkyredfoot
10-05-2010, 09:02 AM
Knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are fruits, wisdom is knowing not to put them in fruit salads

funk
10-05-2010, 11:30 AM
If life gives you lemons, demand tequila and salt!

91tri190
10-05-2010, 12:07 PM
...and

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Mitch Hedberg

ski/hunt
10-05-2010, 03:04 PM
Just when you start to figure out the rat race---They put in fresh rats!

Bouyhead
10-05-2010, 03:58 PM
We are all manufacturers in a way. Making good, making trouble, and making excuses.

ejg333
10-05-2010, 10:10 PM
It is easier to beg for forgivness than to ask for permission.

kkkeating
10-05-2010, 10:21 PM
Marry a woman for her money, then you can afford to buy the kind of love you really want.

TX.X-30 fan
10-05-2010, 10:40 PM
We are the ones we've been waiting for.................

sully
10-06-2010, 12:34 AM
Well done is better than well said.
Benjamin Franklin

Slinkyredfoot
10-06-2010, 08:11 AM
Always remember, a nest of yellow jackets are considerably faster than a John Deere lawn tractor