View Full Version : 11 Secrets Men Keep From Their Wives

04-09-2009, 08:30 AM
In the interest of uniting the sexes, we've scoured the country for guys willing to share the private truths they wouldn't normally confess. Some are a bit crass. Some you've always suspected. Some are surprisingly sweet. (Guys don't like to reveal the mushy stuff, either.) We discovered that the truth about men isn't all that ugly.

Secret #1:

Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day but it doesn't mean we want to leave you.

If you're sure your man doesn't look, it only means he possesses acute peripheral vision. "When a woman walks by, even if I'm with my girlfriend, my vision picks it up," says Doug LaFlamme, 28, of Laguna Hills, California. "I fight the urge to look, but I just have to. I'm really in trouble if the woman walking by has a low-cut top on."

"It's not that I want to make a move on her," says LaFlamme. "Looking at other women is like a radar that just won't turn off."

Secret #2:

We actually do play golf to get away from you.

The point is this: "Going golfing" is not really about golf. It's about you, the house, the kids -- and the absence thereof.

"I certainly don't play because I find it relaxing and enjoyable," admits Roland Buckingham, 32, of Lewes, Delaware, whose usual golf score of 105 is a far-from-soothing figure. "As a matter of fact, sometimes by the fourth hole I wish I were back at the house with the kids screaming. But any time I leave the house and don't invite my wife or kids whether it's for golf or bowling or picking up roadkill I'm just getting away."

Secret #3:

We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you.

Most of us didn't spend our formative years thinking, "Gosh, I just can't wait to settle down with a nice girl so we can grow old together." Instead we were obsessed with how many women who resembled Britney Spears we could have sex with before we turned 30. Generally it takes us a few years (or decades) to fully perish that thought.

Secret #4:

Earning money makes us feel important.

We're shallow, competitive egomaniacs. You don't think it gets under our skin if our woman's bringing home more bacon than we are and frying it up in a pan?

"My wife and I are both reporters at the same newspaper," says Jeffrey Newton, 33, of Fayetteville, South Carolina. "Five years into our marriage I still check her pay stub to see how much more an hour I make than she does. And because she works harder, she keeps closing the gap."

Secret #5:

Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house.

I risk being shunned if this story finds its way to the local bar, because few charades are as beloved by guys as this one. To hear us talk, the Bataan Death March beats grouting that bathroom shower. And, as 30-year-old Ed Powers of Chicago admits, it's a shameless lie. "In truth, it's rewarding to tinker with and fix something that, without us, would remain broken forever," he says. Plus we get to use tools.

"The reason we don't share this information," Powers adds, "is that most women don't differentiate between taking out the trash and fixing that broken hinge; to them, both are tasks we need to get done over the weekend, preferably during the Bears game. But we want the use-your-hands, think-about-the-steps-in-the-process, home-repair opportunity, not the repetitive, no-possibility-of-a-compliment, mind-dulling, purely physical task." There. Secret's out.

Secret #6:

We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother.

With apologies to Sigmund Freud, Gloria Steinem and my mother-in-law.

Secret #7:

Every year we love you more

Sure, we look like adults. We own a few suits. We can probably order wine without giggling. But although we resemble our father when he was our age, we still feel like that 4-year-old clutching his pant leg.

With that much room left on our emotional-growth charts, we sense we've only begun to admire you in the ways we will when we're 40, 50 and God forbid 60. We can't explain this to you, because it would probably come out sounding like we don't love you now.

"It took at least a year before I really started to appreciate my wife for something other than just great sex; and I didn't discover her mind fully until the third year we were married," says Newton. "But the older and wiser I get, the more I love my wife." Adds J.P. Neal, 32, of Potomac, Maryland: "The for-richer-or-poorer, for-better-or-worse aspects of marriage don't hit you right away. It's only during those rare times when we take stock of our life that it starts to sink in."

Secret #8:

We don't really understand what you're talking about.

You know how, during the day, you sometimes think about certain deep, complex "issues" in your relationship? Then when you get home, you want to "discuss" these issues? And during these "discussions," your man sits there nodding and saying things like "Sure, I understand," "That makes perfect sense" and "I'll do better next time"?

Well, we don't understand. It doesn't make any sense to us at all. And although we'd like to do better next time, we could only do so if, in fact, we had an idea of what you're talking about.

We do care. Just be aware that the part of our brain that processes this stuff is where we store sports trivia.

Secret #9:

We are terrified when you drive.

Want to know how to reduce your big, tough guy to a quivering mass of fear? Ask him for the car keys.

"I am scared to death when she drives," says LaFlamme.

"Every time I ride with her, I fully accept that I may die at any moment," says Buckingham.

"My wife has about one 'car panic' story a week and it's never her fault. All these horrible things just keep happening it must be her bad luck," says Andy Beshuk, 31, of Jefferson City, Missouri.

Even if your man is too diplomatic to tell you, he is terrified that you will turn him into a crash-test dummy.

Secret #10:

We'll always wish we were 25 again.

Granted, when I was 25 I was working 16-hour days and eating shrimp-flavored Ramen noodles six times a week. But as much as we love being with you now, we will always look back fondly on the malnourished freedom of our misguided youth. "Springsteen concerts, the '86 Mets, the Reagan presidency most guys reminisce about the days when life was good, easy and free of responsibility," says Rob Aronson, 41, of Livingston, New Jersey, who's been married for 11 years. "At 25 you can get away with things you just can't get away with at 40."

While it doesn't mean we're leaving you to join a rock band, it does explain why we occasionally come home from Pep Boys with a leather steering-wheel cover and a Born to Run CD.

Secret #11:

Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime.

I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.

Why? Because she'd let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing by ourselves our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.

And that's the truth.

04-09-2009, 09:51 AM
Times 10, or I guess 11.

04-09-2009, 03:04 PM
#11 is spot on. we just had our 12 year wedding anniversary and we've been together for almost 17 years now. wow, i'm getting old. :D

04-09-2009, 03:16 PM
Brucemac, I'm with you on #11. I have that thought when I am jumping off the swim platform strapped into my System 8 and the rope starts to go tight. I'm there because she told me to go enjoy myself. SHe's back home with 1 or more of the kids. And when she's there with me, she's the driver that I trust! Life is good :D

Big Dogg
04-09-2009, 10:49 PM
Did you pull those out of that magazine Cosmo... it sounds like something they would run.

Oh and 11 is spot on! Im still looking for that one!

04-09-2009, 11:17 PM
You cannot expect me to read all that ****ing rubbish, can you?

04-10-2009, 01:55 AM
Way to get in touch with the sensitive side Tricky.

04-10-2009, 06:07 AM
You cannot expect me to read all that ****ing rubbish, can you?

No, not at 11:17pm after you've drank a case of beer..........................:rolleyes: