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coz
03-06-2009, 07:35 AM
This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.

This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras,and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, getting your hair or nails done, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

TMCNo1
03-06-2009, 07:50 AM
But who gets all the money from Cash Rewards?

coz
03-06-2009, 08:00 AM
Bur who gets all the money from Cash Rewards?

Those Wylie lake pirates ;) they just take what they want :mad: notice the guy in the back with the flash beads? he takes care of all the loose ends.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3215/3131036205_c48a8d79c0_o.jpg

2RLAKE
03-06-2009, 08:04 AM
trickle up poverty

Jerseydave
03-06-2009, 09:35 AM
Buy a sandwich and support your local deli.............make sure the ham and swiss are domestic! :)

(Shameless plug..........Dietz and Watson meats and cheeses are the BEST! ) :D

trickskier
03-06-2009, 09:45 AM
That's hilarious................Pretty close to the truth too..............8p

Witness140
03-06-2009, 09:51 AM
This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.


Its amazing how many people are walking around out there thinking there is a stimulus payment in 2009.

TMCNo1
03-06-2009, 10:22 AM
Its amazing how many people are walking around out there thinking there is a stimulus payment in 2009.


I just got mine! It's called "Watch the Evening News"!:rolleyes::D

wakeX2wake
03-06-2009, 11:15 AM
i'll be going back to Vegas for my "stimulus"

damaged442
03-06-2009, 12:33 PM
i'll be going back to Vegas for my "stimulus"

I'll drink to that!

2RLAKE
03-07-2009, 09:22 AM
did you hear about the latest news flash??

President Obama will now impose a 40% tax on aspirin .....

because its white and it works

TMCNo1
03-07-2009, 09:36 AM
We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, getting your hair or nails done, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

And you get the Crab Rebate!:rolleyes::D

bigmac
03-07-2009, 10:09 AM
Sally is the proprietor of a bar in New York. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Sally's bar. Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Sally increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Sally's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank (subsequently fired due to his negativity) decides that the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Sally's bar. However they cannot pay back the debts. Sally cannot fulfil her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The suppliers of Sally's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties. The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.

Ski-me
03-07-2009, 03:55 PM
This sounds so similar to another situation but I can't quite put my finger on it.............:rolleyes:

TMCNo1
03-10-2009, 10:14 AM
"Who will help me plant my wheat?" said the little red hen.

"Not I," said the cow.

"Not I," said the duck.


"Not I," said the pig.


"Not I," said the goose.



"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did. She planted her crop, and the wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.



"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.



"Not I," said the duck..


"Out of my classification," said the pig.



"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.


"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.



"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.



At last it came time to bake the bread.



"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.


"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.



"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.



"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.


"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.


"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.


She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."


"Excess profits!" cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)


"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)



"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)



The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)


And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.



Then the farmer (Obama) came. He said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."



"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.

"Exactly," said Barack the farmer. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle."



And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand."



But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free. And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established.



Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared...so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for..



EPILOGUE



Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.


Hillary got $8 million for hers.


That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.


IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT?