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View Full Version : Amen to this GUYS!!!!


bradamerry
05-05-2005, 06:23 PM
Why ARE Men Happier ?

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple
creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding
plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white
T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car
mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station
restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and
think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes
don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all
your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be
your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more
than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are
unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays
its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big
hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your
nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing
a mustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.

No wonder men are happier. :uglyhamme

east tx skier
05-05-2005, 06:28 PM
Ain't it the truth. I should change my sig to "The world is my Urinal, I shall not wait."

Scot
05-05-2005, 06:43 PM
e.t.s.
I'm stealing that one!

Leroy
05-05-2005, 06:49 PM
Way to go Brad! Do I have the courage to send to my wife????

LakePirate
05-05-2005, 06:51 PM
I don't I don't :banana:

chfrogman
05-05-2005, 06:57 PM
I am woman and you men suck...its just not fair...I want to be happy too!! :D

bcampbe7
05-05-2005, 06:59 PM
I am woman and you men suck...its just not fair...I want to be happy too!! :D

Please see my signature...

I'd imagine your happy. If not, your not holding out enough to get what you want. :D

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 07:04 PM
My mother-in-law sent that to me :uglyhamme !!!

chfrogman
05-05-2005, 07:04 PM
What is it that I want? To be able to burp in public and no one care, maybe. To be able to have the world as my urinal, and not have to squat and shoot to do it? Now that would be great. But really, all that stuff was pretty much dead on and funny as heck!!

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 07:08 PM
See it always doesn't suck to be the Wildman :wavey: !!!! Everybody needs a little Wildman!!! :headbang:

bcampbe7
05-05-2005, 07:10 PM
I found it funny also…
Come to Tennessee. You can burp in public and no one will give you a funny look. Also, I imagine the urinal works for a female but probably takes a little more “effort” on their part.

BriEOD
05-05-2005, 07:30 PM
Good stuff Brad!!

MasterMason
05-05-2005, 07:38 PM
See it always doesn't suck to be the Wildman :wavey: !!!! Everybody needs a little Wildman!!! :headbang:


Brad, you really want to Tee yourself up like that? :uglyhamme

Leroy
05-05-2005, 07:49 PM
Wildman is flying into the weekend like superman!

JEREMY79
05-05-2005, 08:49 PM
I found it funny also…
Come to Tennessee. You can burp in public and no one will give you a funny look. Also, I imagine the urinal works for a female but probably takes a little more “effort” on their part.

I went out with this chick one night. She "used" the Wal-Mart parking lot for her urinal. No effort didnt even squat.

P.S. 1st and last time we went out!

peason
05-05-2005, 09:24 PM
Was it Toolman's sister?
Good Stuff Brad!

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 09:27 PM
Wildman is flying into the weekend like superman!
My man Leroy!!! :toast:

Farmer and I tried to fire up the 87', no luck. Bad battery we guess :mad: !

Leroy
05-05-2005, 09:46 PM
Besides shooting the shet, you can get help for boating problems like that on here also. :D

So what sound did it make.......;)

There is some high voltage running around tonight!


My man Leroy!!! :toast:

Farmer and I tried to fire up the 87', no luck. Bad battery we guess :mad: !

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 09:47 PM
Besides shooting the shet, you can get help for boating problems like that on here also. :D

So what sound did it make.......;)

There is some high voltage running around tonight!
Click,click and click!!!! :confused:

BriEOD
05-05-2005, 10:00 PM
I know that sound!! Charge your battery.

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 10:02 PM
I know that sound!! Charge your battery.
did and hooked up the cables to the truck, click, click and click!

BriEOD
05-05-2005, 10:25 PM
Check the breaker button and make sure you have a good ground. Is it a really fast click-click-click?

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 10:32 PM
Check the breaker button and make sure you have a good ground. Is it a really fast click-click-click?
did the breaker and a fast click!!!

bcampbe7
05-05-2005, 10:34 PM
Bendix? Or does that just make a free spinning sound?

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 10:36 PM
It could be the starter right? Had the cable replaced from the battery to the started last yr.

bcampbe7
05-05-2005, 10:37 PM
Did you try tapping the starter with a hammer while trying to start it? Just a light tap...

SKI*MC
05-05-2005, 10:39 PM
we just had a battery problem, there was no charging it, we had to get a new one, but that was actaully that battery, it could be something else for you.

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 10:41 PM
Did you try tapping the starter with a hammer while trying to start it? Just a light tap...
Soccer practice got in the way and we are going to hook Farmer's new battery to it Saturday. Put the battery on charge last week?? :confused:

bcampbe7
05-05-2005, 10:44 PM
How old is the battery? Could just be a dead cell. Will need a new one if that's the case.

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 10:46 PM
How old is the battery? Could just be a dead cell. Will need a new one if that's the case.
got it new start of last summer :mad: !

BriEOD
05-05-2005, 10:47 PM
The cable doesn't go from the battery to the starter. It goes from the battery to the solenoid. I would rule out the battery first before I did anything else. How old is the battery; did you charge it monthly over the winter? Try Tim's battery (my guess is it's the battery). Than check your solenoid. When you turn the key have Tim or whoever see if you are getting the correct voltage to the starter. If not it's the solenoid. If you do get good voltage check the bendix or take the starter to Discount or Auto Zone and have it tested (it's free). But, my guess is your battery is kaput.

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 10:50 PM
Thanks guys, I will do all of that, but I think I changed the solenoid with the cable :confused: .

bcampbe7
05-05-2005, 10:50 PM
Yea, even though it is a new battery it may be bad. If it's new you should be able to get it replaced for free.

BriEOD
05-05-2005, 11:05 PM
I changed the solenoid with the cable :confused: .

Huh?? Two cables come off of the battery in your 87: the ground (goes to the block) and the hot/positive (to the solenoid). On the back of your solenoid there are 2 large posts and one small post. If you are looking at it (the solenoid) the big post on the left attaches to the cable off the postive side of your battery. Their is another smaller wire on this post that powers up your terminal and the rest of the electrical components on your boat. The other large post on the right has a 4 gauge wire that connects to your starter. The 3rd small post is wired to your ignition. When you turn the key it engages the solenoid and passes power across the posts, to your starter which engages the bendix and turns over the engine until you let go of the key.

My guess here is your battery is toast.

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 11:11 PM
Ok, I'm carrying it to a dealer :uglyhamme !

Huh?? Two cables come off of the battery in your 87: the ground (goes to the block) and the hot/positive (to the solenoid). On the back of your solenoid there are 2 large posts and one small post. If you are looking at it (the solenoid) the big post on the left attaches to the cable off the postive side of your battery. Their is another smaller wire on this post that powers up your terminal and the rest of the electrical components on your boat. The other large post on the right has a 4 gauge wire that connects to your starter. The 3rd small post is wired to your ignition. When you turn the key it engages the solenoid and passes power across the posts, to your starter which engages the bendix and turns over the engine until you let go of the key.

My guess here is your battery is toast.

BriEOD
05-05-2005, 11:12 PM
Dude, call me I can talk you through it. I have intimate knowledge of an 87' PS 190.

bradamerry
05-05-2005, 11:13 PM
Dude, call me I can talk you through it. I have intimate knowledge of an 87' PS 190.
PM me your digits, I will call you on Saturday! Thanks, but Farmer says he has it under control :rolleyes: .

JEREMY79
05-06-2005, 12:14 AM
the joys of getting ready for summer

BriEOD
05-06-2005, 07:30 AM
PM me your digits, I will call you on Saturday! Thanks, but Farmer says he has it under control :rolleyes: .

Tell him it's a PS 190 not a B-52 he's working on!! :purplaugh

bradamerry
05-06-2005, 09:41 AM
:uglyhamme Don't let him fool you, he has the best job in the Air Force!!Tell him it's a PS 190 not a B-52 he's working on!! :purplaugh

ktn_cmu
05-06-2005, 10:13 AM
Yeah, the sound you hear is you solenoid. It's apparent you are getting a good connection with your key (ignition), have you disconnected all of the large cables (battery to sol - sol to starter) cleaned and reconnected them. I'd first check that before going anyplace...that and the battery are the most likely problems.

bradamerry
05-06-2005, 10:17 AM
Yeah, the sound you hear is you solenoid. It's apparent you are getting a good connection with your key (ignition), have you disconnected all of the large cables (battery to sol - sol to starter) cleaned and reconnected them. I'd first check that before going anyplace...that and the battery are the most likely problems.
Thanks... Ok, shouldn't the battery show some volts when I turn the key on if it is good? It only shows some when the truck is hooked to it.

bcampbe7
05-06-2005, 10:34 AM
Your battery should give a reading with nothing attached. What do you get if you put the positive of the voltmeter to the positive battery post and negative to negative?

bradamerry
05-06-2005, 10:37 AM
Your battery should give a reading with nothing attached. What do you get if you put the positive of the voltmeter to the positive battery post and negative to negative?
Don't know?? I was talking about the volt meter on the dash, it should show something when the key is on, right :confused: ? I forgot about this, we tired to hook up the charger and it keep tripping when we turned it on :( !

tex
05-06-2005, 10:39 AM
PM me your digits, I will call you on Saturday! Thanks, but Farmer says he has it under control :rolleyes: .

Farmer says he has it under control=Hold my beer and watch this chit!

bradamerry
05-06-2005, 10:42 AM
Farmer says he has it under control=Hold my beer and watch this chit!
First thing Brandy said was, "Don't burn my new skins you two". " You two don't know what you are doing, hurry girls in the house before they start!" :uglyhamme

erkoehler
05-06-2005, 10:45 AM
Remember the camera!

bradamerry
05-06-2005, 10:48 AM
Remember the camera!
Remember this?? Hope we do better on this project!!! :uglyhamme

~How to change the oil in your car~

Instructions on how to change the oil in your car - FOR WOMEN:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
the
last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly
maintained
vehicle.

MONEY SPENT
Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00
TOTAL $21.00

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check
for $50.
2) Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00,
drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16" box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil, splashing hot oil on you in
process.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing hot
oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash
can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish
oil
change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
Drag
pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in
hole
in backyard instead of taking it to be recycled.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No; drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy more beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
to gasket
surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard
along
with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
dirt into
hole. Steal sand from kid's sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of
ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower
gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car, getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on exhaust manifold in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop
blood flow. 38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over & arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

MONEY SPENT
Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer
$40.00
TOTAL -- $4165.00
BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT!

ktn_cmu
05-06-2005, 11:19 AM
Don't know?? I was talking about the volt meter on the dash, it should show something when the key is on, right :confused: ? I forgot about this, we tired to hook up the charger and it keep tripping when we turned it on :( !

Voltmeter should read battery voltage when the key is on. If it says 0 volts...either bad voltmeter ciruit or dead battery...try an external voltmeter...

P.S. Did you leave the key on after your playing??? :friday:

bradamerry
05-06-2005, 11:21 AM
Voltmeter should read battery voltage when the key is on. If it says 0 volts...either bad voltmeter ciruit or dead battery...try an external voltmeter...

P.S. Did you leave the key on after your playing??? :friday:
No I didn't leave the key on. The voltmeter came up to about 12 when the jumper cables were hooked to the truck. I think it is working.

erkoehler
05-06-2005, 11:25 AM
MONEY SPENT
Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer
$40.00
TOTAL -- $4165.00
BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT!


Hey, That is the down payment on my boat!
:uglyhamme

ktn_cmu
05-06-2005, 11:28 AM
No I didn't leave the key on. The voltmeter came up to about 12 when the jumper cables were hooked to the truck. I think it is working.

Sounds like the Voltmeter works...but just cause it is really really easy...clean your battery terminals...then, once you find out the battery is dead...either trickle charge it for a few days, or return it and get the warranty.

MarkP
05-06-2005, 11:32 AM
Hey, That is the down payment on my boat!
:uglyhammeDid you get it!! Congrats!!:headbang:

east tx skier
05-06-2005, 11:42 AM
Well, if that isn't the most glorious jacking of his own thread I've ever seen on Brad's part. Guys, I'm trying to read about piss stories and I have to wade through all this battery talk. ;) KTN almost got us back on track with the "trickle" charge.

I really need to lubricate my starter. Do I just disconnect the battery, disconnect the wires going to the starter, spin the bendix up, grease, spin it down and up a few times and reconnect? Anything I'm missing?

Brad, did you have the battery disconnected for the winter?

erkoehler
05-07-2005, 02:41 AM
Did you get it!! Congrats!!:headbang:

NO, NO, not yet! Don't jinx it!

bradamerry
05-07-2005, 10:30 AM
:D Yes, Doug I had the battery disconnected for the winter.

This coffee sure is good this morning :) ... Good morning all.