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JohnnyB
06-23-2008, 09:36 AM
How 'bout some of your favorites from a great comedian....

The Seven Words You Can't Say on TV

S***, P***, F***, C***, C***-S*****, M*****-F****** and T***

I put 'em all in the same format, but it is suprising that I could probably leave the 2nd and 5th words in and get past the moderators...or at least 1/2 of the 5th along with 1/2 of the 6th "Compound word". :D

captain planet
06-23-2008, 10:59 AM
R.I.P. George. You will be missed by me buddy. Thanks for making me laugh while you were here. :cry:



.........I think I will have to listen to a couple of his cd's tonight.

Knox's_Better_half
06-23-2008, 11:09 AM
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"--Geroge Carlin:cool:

east tx skier
06-23-2008, 11:17 AM
So long, Funny Man.

"Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things."

"If man evolved from monkeys and apes. . . why do we still have monkeys and apes?"

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"Is there another word for synonym?"

"Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?"

kpgotgame
06-23-2008, 11:21 AM
I always liked the Ice Box Man routine.
I also found it hard to believe that he was the narrorator for Thomas the Tank engine...quite a departure from his stand up.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin.

wakeX2wake
06-23-2008, 11:25 AM
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Always do whatever's next.

wakeX2wake
06-23-2008, 11:35 AM
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

wakeX2wake
06-23-2008, 11:36 AM
what a funny comedian... don't always agree w/ everything he says but his spin is always a funny one

JimN
06-23-2008, 12:15 PM
Anyone else, other than me, see his show at Summerfest in '72when he was arrested as he walked off stage?

Good show. I don't remember all of it but The Seven Words and Al Sleet bits are classic.

TMCNo1
06-23-2008, 12:41 PM
He called it like it was and wasn't always politically correct as our comedians are just about required to be today, he will be missed!

flipper
06-23-2008, 01:09 PM
He was a funny guy for sure....he'll be missed.

flipper
06-23-2008, 01:10 PM
Anyone else, other than me, see his show at Summerfest in '72when he was arrested as he walked off stage?

Good show. I don't remember all of it but The Seven Words and Al Sleet bits are classic.

Nope....wasn't born yet.:D8p

Ric
06-23-2008, 01:13 PM
"There are three ingredients in my comedy," he said in a 1991 interview with the Los Angeles Times. "Those three things which wax and wane in importance are English language and wordplay; secondly, mundane, everyday observational comedy -- dogs, cats and all that stuff; and thirdly, sociopolitical attitude comedy."

damaged442
06-23-2008, 01:41 PM
He called it like it was and wasn't always politically correct as our comedians are just about required to be today, he will be missed!

You couldn't have said it any better! He will always be one of my favorite comedians.

D3skier
06-23-2008, 02:07 PM
I can't believe I just watched one of his shows on HBO a few weeks ago and laughed my ARSE off.... I think George was one of the few that tells it how it is and can turn it in to comedy or the way he sees life in general. You will be deeply missed George.....

drylandfish
06-23-2008, 02:27 PM
"First names can even suggest how tough you are. Who would you want on your side in a bar fight? Arnold, Seymour, Jasper, and Percy? Or Nitro, Hacksaw, Rhino, and Skull? And guys, which woman would you rather run into when your out drinking: Lillian, Priscilla, and Judith? Or Trixie, Bubbles, and Candy?" -GC

R.I.P.

Harvey
06-23-2008, 05:33 PM
There never was a comic like him and porobably never will be. I can't count how many times I laughed my @ss off at his jokes. I saw him live a few years back and will never forget it, I almost wet my seat from laughing so hard.

What do you get when you cross Joe Pesci and a Nun with a ruler? One of the greatest comedians ever.

RIP Mr. Carlin may you spend your time with Brenda again!

Gonzo
06-23-2008, 06:47 PM
The stuff routine used to kill me....

JohnnyB
06-23-2008, 07:16 PM
So long, Funny Man.

"Donít sweat the petty things and donít pet the sweaty things."



One of my favorites!!

JohnnyB
06-23-2008, 07:18 PM
Anyone else, other than me, see his show at Summerfest in '72when he was arrested as he walked off stage?

Good show. I don't remember all of it but The Seven Words and Al Sleet bits are classic.

You're dating yourself...I was 1 year old :eek:

brucemac
06-23-2008, 07:21 PM
yeah, he'll be missed. man, i didn't know he was that old. i would have thought early 60's tops.

prior to kids, we used to listen to some of his shows in the car on road trips. would always get you going.

he'll be missed and was a legend imo.

TMCNo1
06-23-2008, 07:35 PM
"The Hippy Dippy Weatherman, And it's 60 degrees at the airport! Who the hell lives at the airport!" George Carlin

coz
06-23-2008, 09:07 PM
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2e/Jesus_is_coming.._Look_Busy_%28George_Carlin%29.jp g/479px-Jesus_is_coming.._Look_Busy_%28George_Carlin%29.jp g
"We have thoughts, but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought ó so be careful with words."

Slinkyredfoot
06-23-2008, 09:26 PM
George was also the very first host of Saturday Night live back in the 70's as well. (hope someone did not point this out previously)...

I remember I read he also said he was stoned to the gills on everything during this appearance on the show. This was one thing about him, he never shyed away from making light of the fact he was a stony, just like Moses, Noah, and all the others.

On my Mount Rushmore of comedians, George's goofy, smiling, carfree face would certainily appear...

RIP George Carlin

TMCNo1
06-23-2008, 09:58 PM
"Partial score, Pittsburg 37!" George Carlin

JimN
06-23-2008, 11:10 PM
"You're dating yourself"

You live in Wisconsin- you know that's illegal.

h2oskifreak
06-24-2008, 01:27 AM
Saw him a few years ago at Ballys in Vegas. I never saw a comedy show with as many jokes in it. He was rippin for 2 hours straight. Most comedians spend a good amount of time setting up jokes or what I would call "treading water" (time wasting). George just went off, I bet he told 200 jokes that night. He enjoyed crossing the line. He could feel the crowd squirm a little and then he would go a little further rather than back off. That show may not have been the best comedy act I ever went to but it most definately was the most memorable. He was a talent.

ski_king
06-24-2008, 08:45 AM
Great comedian! He will be missed.

I remember my kids watching Shining Time Station (Thomas the Tank Engine) on PBS and dang near $hit when I realized it was George playing the role of conductor/narrator. I was ready for him to roll into his adult comedy, but never did.

I guess he had 2 sides.

TMCNo1
06-24-2008, 09:32 AM
Great comedian! He will be missed.

I remember my kids watching Shining Time Station (Thomas the Tank Engine) on PBS and dang near $hit when I realized it was George playing the role of conductor/narrator. I was ready for him to roll into his adult comedy, but never did.

I guess he had 2 sides.


He reminds me a lot of Toober Tom, two sides!

damaged442
06-24-2008, 10:56 AM
He also voiced the VW bus "Fillmore" in the movie Cars. I remember the first time I was watching that with the kids and hearing his voice. I remember mentioning it to my wife, who had no clue what I was talking about. It was cool to see him do things like that and Thomas for the kids. After seeing all the footage on him yesterday, it sure brings back a lot of good memories.

chudson
06-24-2008, 11:58 AM
Al Sleet "The Hippy Dippy Weatherman".....................Weather radar is picking up some thunder storms but radar is also picking up a squadron of Russian ICBM's so I wouldn't sweat the thunder storms!!!!
George set the bar pretty high!!! Yep he will be missed!!!

TX.X-30 fan
06-24-2008, 12:05 PM
Saw him a few years ago at Ballys in Vegas. I never saw a comedy show with as many jokes in it. He was rippin for 2 hours straight. Most comedians spend a good amount of time setting up jokes or what I would call "treading water" (time wasting). George just went off, I bet he told 200 jokes that night. He enjoyed crossing the line. He could feel the crowd squirm a little and then he would go a little further rather than back off. That show may not have been the best comedy act I ever went to but it most definately was the most memorable. He was a talent.

Saw him twice in vegas in the 90's and just like you said great act. He had grown the list to about 200 words and ripped them off in a few minutes, extremely funny and crude.

His later stuff on HBO was good but when he did the god hating stuff I was somewhat confused and disappointed.

captain planet
06-25-2008, 11:34 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h67k9eEw9AY

preach on George!!! :D

captain planet
06-25-2008, 11:40 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgps85scy1g&NR=1

A little more. 8p

wakeX2wake
06-25-2008, 11:50 AM
"I'm a Modern Man"

George Carlin, November 5th, 2005
Beacon Theater, NYC

I'm a modern man.
I'm a modern man.
I'm a modern man.
I'm a modern man.

I'm a modern man,
A man for the millennium,
Digital and smoke free.

A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist,
Politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

I've been uplinked and downloaded.
I've been inputted and outsourced.
I know the upside of downsizing.
I know the downside of upgrading.

I'm a high tech lowlife.
A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker,
And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new wave but I'm old school,
And my inner child is outward bound.

I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer,
Voice activated and biodegradable.

I interface from a database,
And my database is in cyberspace,
So I'm interactive,
I'm hyperactive,
And from time-to-time,
I'm radioactive.

Behind the eight ball,
Ahead of the curve,
Riding the wave,
Dodging a bullet,
Pushing the envelope.

I'm on point,
On task,
On message,
And off drugs.
I got no need for coke and speed,
I got no urge to binge and purge.

I'm in the moment,
On the edge,
Over the top,
But under the radar.

A high concept,
Low profile,
Medium range ballistic missionary.
A street-wise smart bomb.
A top gun bottom feeder.

I wear power ties,
I tell power lies,
I take power naps,
I run victory laps.

I'm a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach.
A raging workaholic.
A working ragaholic.
Out of rehab,
And in denial.

I got a personal trainer,
A personal shopper,
A personal assistant,
And a personal agenda.

You can't shut me up,
You can't dumb me down.
'Cause I'm tireless,
And I'm wireless.
I'm an alpha male on beta blockers.

I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever.
Laid back but fashion forward.

Up front,
Down home,
Low rent,
High maintenance.

Super size,
Long lasting,
High definition,
Fast acting,
Oven ready,
And built to last.

I'm a hands on,
Foot loose,
Knee jerk,
Head case.

Prematurely post traumatic,
And I have a love child who sends me hate mail.

But I'm feeling,
I'm caring,
I'm healing,
I'm sharing.
A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver.

My output is down,
But my income is up.
I take a short position on the long bond,
And my revenue stream has its own cash flow.

I read junk mail,
I eat junk food,
I buy junk bonds,
I watch trash sports.

I'm gender specific,
Capital intensive,
User friendly,
And lactose intolerant.

I like rough sex.
I like rough sex.
I like tough love.
I use the f word in my email,
And the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini mall.
I bought a mini van in a mega store.
I eat fast food in the slow lane.

I'm toll free,
Bite sized,
Ready to wear,
And I come in all sizes.

A fully equipped,
Factory authorized,
Hospital tested,
Clinically proven,
Scientifically formulated medical miracle.

I've been pre-washed,
Pre-cooked,
Pre-heated,
Pre-screened,
Pre-approved,
Pre-packaged,
Post-dated,
Freeze-dried,
Double-wrapped,
Vacuum-packed,
And I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude,
But I'm the real deal.
Lean and mean.
Cocked, locked and ready to rock.
Rough tough and hard to bluff.

I take it slow.
I go with the flow.
I ride with the tide.
I got glide in my stride.

Drivin' and movin',
Sailin' and spinnin',
Jivin' and groovin',
Wailin' and winnin'.

I don't snooze,
So I don't lose.
I keep the pedal to the metal,
And the rubber on the road.

I party hearty,
And lunch time is crunch time.

I'm hanging in,
There ain't no doubt.
And I'm hanging tough,
Over and out.

captain planet
06-25-2008, 11:58 AM
"I'm a Modern Man"

George Carlin, November 5th, 2005
Beacon Theater, NYC

I'm a modern man.
I'm a modern man.
I'm a modern man.
I'm a modern man.

I'm a modern man,
A man for the millennium,
Digital and smoke free.

.............


I just heard this CD on tuesday for the first time from a co-worker. Good disk. I really will miss him. I always looked forward to new material from him.

wakeX2wake
06-25-2008, 12:07 PM
I just heard this CD on tuesday for the first time from a co-worker. Good disk. I really will miss him. I always looked forward to new material from him.

Always good stuff... got the video on my iPod... his bit about suicide is hilarious... "who the hell has time for killing themselves? that's just more sh*t to have to plan out"

captain planet
06-25-2008, 12:11 PM
Always good stuff... got the video on my iPod... his bit about suicide is hilarious... "who the hell has time for killing themselves? that's just more sh*t to have to plan out"

I have only listened to that disk twice since tuesday, but my favorite bit so far is the one about natural disasters. When he talked about the people in the flood plain whose couch would never dry out and they would have a little "squish" every time they sat down killed me. 8p

captain planet
06-25-2008, 12:16 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pe4XVVUbiA&NR=1

Here it is. :D:uglyhamme:purplaugh

Ric
06-25-2008, 12:30 PM
XM channel 150 playing Carlin all day today and the interview with him at noon eastern

captain planet
06-25-2008, 12:59 PM
XM channel 150 playing Carlin all day today and the interview with him at noon eastern

For the first time ever, I wish I had XM. :o

wakeX2wake
06-25-2008, 01:23 PM
XM channel 150 playing Carlin all day today and the interview with him at noon eastern

that must be an exclusive interview...

::slaps back of hand::

Slinkyredfoot
06-25-2008, 01:27 PM
I read in the paper this morning that Saturday Night Live will be broadcasting their very first show hosted by George Carlin this Satuday night. Should be great...

Knox's_Better_half
06-25-2008, 01:46 PM
OMG!! I love his STUFF routine!! Just going back through a ton of his material......still laughin!!!
:toast::uglyhamme:uglyhamme
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac

captain planet
06-25-2008, 02:08 PM
http://men.msn.com/articlees.aspx?cp-documentid=8176686&GT1=32001

Some thoughts from the master.

wakeX2wake
06-25-2008, 03:03 PM
"There's no morality in business. It doesn't have a conscience. It has only the cash register. They'll sell you crappy things that you don't need, that don't work, that they won't stand behind. It's a glorified legal form of criminal behavior." - george carlin


^^^ is why i bought a mastrcraft... they're better at robbing me than anybody else

Ric
06-25-2008, 03:13 PM
local lib FM channel ran a thing on him yesterday (I occasionally pop in to hear the left's version of reality...) and literally the announcer said,
"here is his rant about Bush"... hahahhaah, yet Carlin made not one reference to "Bush" in that bit. Too bad for her that this dude was an equal opportunity offender.
(of course they ran his bit about the middle class paying the bills while the rich and poor skate by... but hell that carlin bit coulda just as easily been a limbaugh bit)

Ric
06-25-2008, 03:17 PM
XM ran a carlin bit this morning about how he loved natural disasters and destruction of property and ragged on silly midwesterners who every year get suprised by floods and rains every spring... pretty damn timely this week.

captain planet
06-25-2008, 03:32 PM
XM ran a carlin bit this morning about how he loved natural disasters and destruction of property and ragged on silly midwesterners who every year get suprised by floods and rains every spring... pretty damn timely this week.

Ric, go to my link in post #39. It is the youtube of that natural disasters bit. Hysterical. :D

captain planet
07-09-2008, 02:32 PM
Saw him twice in vegas in the 90's and just like you said great act. He had grown the list to about 200 words and ripped them off in a few minutes, extremely funny and crude.

His later stuff on HBO was good but when he did the god hating stuff I was somewhat confused and disappointed.

these two are for you TX.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyWEBbFwU1o&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

captain planet
07-09-2008, 02:42 PM
another one for you TX.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrXvDXVhqfU&feature=related

JimN
07-09-2008, 04:45 PM
"His later stuff on HBO was good but when he did the god hating stuff I was somewhat confused and disappointed."

What's to be confused about? He grew up in NYC and went to a Catholic grade school.

JohnnyB
07-09-2008, 06:55 PM
Don't sweat petty things and don't pet sweaty things.