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RexDog1
05-08-2008, 02:31 PM
Just in case you need a laugh: http://www.cal-look.com/forum/Smileys/default/grin.gif
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight,UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS 'pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

trickskier
05-08-2008, 02:36 PM
Good one's Rex.................:uglyhamme

Doug G
05-08-2008, 02:37 PM
LOL!

The midget's hammer wasn't brass was it? I heard there was one missing somewhere...

Ric
05-08-2008, 02:37 PM
love the signature Rex

88 PS190
05-08-2008, 03:03 PM
sig from scrubs?

RexDog1
05-08-2008, 03:11 PM
sig from scrubs?


Yep:rolleyes: it has been a bad week and I have no Patience right now :mad:

Ric
05-08-2008, 03:12 PM
Yep:rolleyes: it has been a bad week and I have no Patience right now :mad: we could swap stories this week buddy :mad:

east tx skier
05-08-2008, 03:17 PM
Loved those. And since when do you need a college degree to fly??? I logged my first 50 hours before I was eighteen. Did they up the requirements. What's an altimeter?

mlay
05-09-2008, 11:04 AM
Just in case you need a laugh: http://www.cal-look.com/forum/Smileys/default/grin.gif
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight,UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS 'pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
For a little humor, I have always thought this one was great!

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some
amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."

shepherd
05-09-2008, 04:55 PM
Loved those. And since when do you need a college degree to fly??? I logged my first 50 hours before I was eighteen. Did they up the requirements. What's an altimeter?

Right. You don't need a college degree, but I needed one to get the job to get the money I needed to pay for the flight lessons.

Those are great ones Rex. I think I've seen them before but I think they were air force pilots/mechanics then. I don't think UPS needs IFF and target radars...

wakeX2wake
05-09-2008, 05:11 PM
Ron White joke:
a friend of mine went to take pilot's lessons and when he went up for the first time to learn the ropes in the cockpit his instructor was a black guy who was about 6'5'' who had a black belt in Karate and was gay... so he went anyway and they got up to about 3k ft and the instructor looked at him and said ok now you're going to have to pull your pants down and bend over and let me have my way with you or you're going to have to jump... so i looked at him and said "well did you jump?"... he said "yep... a little at first"

seemed moderately appropiate for this thread... those were hilarious by the way

TMCNo1
05-10-2008, 08:12 PM
My sides hurt, I've laughed so hard, that's funny ship!

MYMC
05-12-2008, 10:52 AM
Great stuff...LOL.

Workin' 4 Toys
05-13-2008, 10:25 AM
Good one Rex, lol, and then lol again at your signature.

3event
05-13-2008, 04:14 PM
trust me, the link is NOT actually a threadjack

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REl64B2oB1U&feature=related

Chas
05-13-2008, 04:49 PM
I did that to my daughter - she was wearing a seat belt - but she loved it! My chart case was open and pens, flashlights, charts, books, calculators and water bottles were everywhere. I thought sure she would freak -

"Do it again Daddy!!"

I almost puked...


BTW - it took me three and a half years of school to get my A&P license.