PDA

View Full Version : I give up, absolutely give up


phecksel
10-15-2007, 01:26 PM
We had some early teen problems with the oldest, and through a ton of work between my wife and I and a little help with the school, we actually got through them. She's doing really well, and is making some really good adult decisions, YEA. So, we ok her having a 16th B'day party, with a few conditions

It's outside on the deck
We approve the invitees
Anybody appearing high or drunk is sent away
the number is limited to 20


We also approved 4 girls spending the night, all good kids, although one sure has gotten whiney... There was one person kinda thrown in at the last minute, and before we approved, the youngest expressed concern, but could not specifically identify the exact reason why she was concerned, so we allowed the last entry, and even allowed her to spend the night. What is that about gut feelings???? Anyway, this girl leaves the party twice and we told her that one more time and mom is coming to pick her up. Next day some of the details started coming out. Lets just say, Steve's ex makes this girl look like a nun turned angel. Fast forward couple of weeks, she ends up in the hospital for serious alcohol poisoning. He mom called to talk to my wife and my wife advised her the kid is in serious need for help. This is one of those times where hindsite sure is nice. Sure didn't (and don't) need the drama, which we could have avoided by not allowing her to come. Should have contacted her mom to come pick her up. And really in hindsite, maybe should have contacted mom and let her know what her daughter was up too. That is a super fine line, we had suspicions, but nothing concrete until the next day. We basically locked the kid down, she couldn't breath without one of us watching. Trying to avoid getting involved in things that don't not directly affect our family, which is why we chose to not call mom. I hate seeing kids in this much trouble so early in life :( So now this drama is linked to my oldest's party, which was a celebration of her 16th b'day, and more importantly to me, her growing past the bad decision making.

milkmania
10-15-2007, 07:21 PM
We had some early teen problems with the oldest, and through a ton of work between my wife and I and a little help with the school, we actually got through them. She's doing really well, and is making some really good adult decisions, YEA. So, we ok her having a 16th B'day party, with a few conditions
It's outside on the deck
We approve the invitees
Anybody appearing high or drunk is sent away
the number is limited to 20
We also approved 4 girls spending the night, all good kids, although one sure has gotten whiney... There was one person kinda thrown in at the last minute, and before we approved, the youngest expressed concern, but could not specifically identify the exact reason why she was concerned, so we allowed the last entry, and even allowed her to spend the night. What is that about gut feelings???? Anyway, this girl leaves the party twice and we told her that one more time and mom is coming to pick her up. Next day some of the details started coming out. Lets just say, Steve's ex makes this girl look like a nun turned angel. Fast forward couple of weeks, she ends up in the hospital for serious alcohol poisoning. He mom called to talk to my wife and my wife advised her the kid is in serious need for help. This is one of those times where hindsite sure is nice. Sure didn't (and don't) need the drama, which we could have avoided by not allowing her to come. Should have contacted her mom to come pick her up. And really in hindsite, maybe should have contacted mom and let her know what her daughter was up too. That is a super fine line, we had suspicions, but nothing concrete until the next day. We basically locked the kid down, she couldn't breath without one of us watching. Trying to avoid getting involved in things that don't not directly affect our family, which is why we chose to not call mom. I hate seeing kids in this much trouble so early in life :( So now this drama is linked to my oldest's party, which was a celebration of her 16th b'day, and more importantly to me, her growing past the bad decision making.


I'll check back in 9 months and find out what really happened that night:(

Muttley
10-15-2007, 07:36 PM
All I can do is sympathize. :(

My daughter just turned 18. I'm just now starting to see a spark of intelligence. If you lock them down and put your foot down, they rebel and you won't know where they are. If you let them get away with everything, they'll take advantage of you. The problem is there's a gray area a mile wide!

They say that raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a tree.

CoFooter
10-15-2007, 07:55 PM
Phecksel,

I know what you're going through. I have a 20 yr old daughter and one daughter that just turned 14. My twenty year old made it though the dark (from a parents perspective) years with several issues that stretched us almost to the breaking point, but today, at 20, shes a fine young lady, very well adjusted, good head on her shoulders and a bright future. My 14 yrs old is just entering her independent years. So here we go again. I found a book that you might find very helpful as far as putting things in perspective for the parents, easing the anxiety and helping you deal with things. Its called "Yes, your teen is crazy". I'd donate mine to you, but I'm going to have to read it for a second time now. Good luck.

Chief
10-15-2007, 08:46 PM
My oldest easy, she just graduated from FSU and is now working on her Masters. She had the gift of backtalk but never anything else; she is even married to her high school sweetheart. My youngest (14) needs the foot of oppression to get her back in line. Had some problems last year until I about snapped and she saw that she had crossed the line and now seems to be on a straight line. She's with some good friends for now and all is calm, but I will without prejudice put my foot in her rear before she disrespects me or her mother.

Mag_Red
10-15-2007, 08:51 PM
Aren't kids just a barrel of fun! :rolleyes: I thank my lucky stars I've had minor problems with my girl.

michael freeman
10-15-2007, 09:05 PM
Maybe your daughter will see the her and see first hand at how bad, bad can be.

Slinkyredfoot
10-15-2007, 09:18 PM
I can truly empathize with your pain right now regarding our children, never give up and always love them with all of your heart.

I am going thru some serious pain right now with my yougest daughter, 23, pregnant by a low life, hood who has been no where in the picture for the last nine months....well she gave birth yesterday, a little boy, healthy and adorable...she is giving him up for open adoption to a very wonderful couple, live at home mother and a father who is a college prof and football coach in Mass...my daughter cannot provide for this little boy on her own, she has had serious issues in bad judgement for the last 5 years..this is another story.

It pains me so that I will have a grandson, well provided for, that I will never know.....but I still have a two beautiful daughters, that have be an absolute handful rearing...but ya know what....I have never ever given up on them, and still love them both with all of my heart.....

I will always think of this little grandson that I never knew....
If there was a sad face it would be right here

victorff
10-15-2007, 09:35 PM
My daughter turns 16 in January. Life for the past two years has been a battle to say the least. She's been to several other of her friends "16th party. Maybe I'm over protective, but when did it become ok for a 16 year old to drink. Some of these parents are ok with it. I don't get it, and of course I'm the @#! for thinking this way. Bottom line you teach them right from wrong, good from bad,etc.... and hope they make good descisions when your not looking over their shoulder.

Leroy
10-15-2007, 10:59 PM
So sorry to hear this Stinky, you are indeed going through a tough time and my prayers are with you and your daughter. Thanks for sharing this.



I can truly empathize with your pain right now regarding our children, never give up and always love them with all of your heart.

I am going thru some serious pain right now with my yougest daughter, 23, pregnant by a low life, hood who has been no where in the picture for the last nine months....well she gave birth yesterday, a little boy, healthy and adorable...she is giving him up for open adoption to a very wonderful couple, live at home mother and a father who is a college prof and football coach in Mass...my daughter cannot provide for this little boy on her own, she has had serious issues in bad judgement for the last 5 years..this is another story.

It pains me so that I will have a grandson, well provided for, that I will never know.....but I still have a two beautiful daughters, that have be an absolute handful rearing...but ya know what....I have never ever given up on them, and still love them both with all of my heart.....

I will always think of this little grandson that I never knew....
If there was a sad face it would be right here

CoFooter
10-15-2007, 11:01 PM
Hey guys, from my experience, you do have something to look forward to. Be a great dad through the tough times which means finding a good balance between giving in and being an a..hole and once they get past this stage they'll realize that what you stood for was not all wrong and you'll have your little girl back. Maybe 19, 20, 21 or whatever. They'll break your heart in their early teen years but most all of you will get through it and be glad you maintained that balance.

jimmer2880
10-16-2007, 08:30 AM
Slinky, I know it must be tough to see your grandbaby being adopted, but I am truly impressed. It shows that deep down, your daughter has her head straight to not try to raise the kid with a deadbeat "baby's daddy".

Hrkdrivr
10-16-2007, 09:13 AM
Slinky, bless you all for allowing that baby to come into the world and to brighten some other families' lives. This might be the turnaround point for your daughter, the first of some good tough decisions made by your daughter.

16 year old daughter, 14 year old son, 6 year old daughter here...they're all doing well in school and are great all-around kids. But the boys calling on my older girl...heaven help me...she seems to attract the "needy" boys, even though she's beautiful and smart and confident, etc. I think she feels she needs to help all the poor little kicked-puppy dogs.

Me: "Honey, he's a sleeze/creep/dork, get rid of him"
Her: "Dad! He's nice! And he's not a sleeze, he's different and sweet!" (oh they're so blind)
Me: "Honey, he's a 16 year old boy, he'll say and do anything to get what he wants. Believe me, I know. I was him. Hell, I'm still him."
Her: "DAD!!"

I had wonderful parents growing up and it's funny how dumb they were when I was a teenager but how much smarter they got (in retrospect) the older I got...especially when I catch myself saying things my dad used to say that I swore I'd never say.

Yellow X9
10-16-2007, 10:06 AM
I'll check back in 9 months and find out what really happened that night:(


BWhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

milkmania
10-16-2007, 10:23 AM
I can truly empathize with your pain right now regarding our children, never give up and always love them with all of your heart.

I am going thru some serious pain right now with my yougest daughter, 23, pregnant by a low life, hood who has been no where in the picture for the last nine months....well she gave birth yesterday, a little boy, healthy and adorable...she is giving him up for open adoption to a very wonderful couple, live at home mother and a father who is a college prof and football coach in Mass...my daughter cannot provide for this little boy on her own, she has had serious issues in bad judgement for the last 5 years..this is another story.

It pains me so that I will have a grandson, well provided for, that I will never know.....but I still have a two beautiful daughters, that have be an absolute handful rearing...but ya know what....I have never ever given up on them, and still love them both with all of my heart.....

I will always think of this little grandson that I never knew....
If there was a sad face it would be right here

reminds me of man with no shoes/man with no feet.

Thinking about you slinky, hang in there:)

Ric
10-16-2007, 12:08 PM
but why do you absolutely give up? Seems like you did pretty good.

We had some early teen problems with the oldest, and through a ton of work between my wife and I and a little help with the school, we actually got through them. She's doing really well, and is making some really good adult decisions, YEA. So, we ok her having a 16th B'day party, with a few conditions

It's outside on the deck
We approve the invitees
Anybody appearing high or drunk is sent away
the number is limited to 20
We also approved 4 girls spending the night, all good kids, although one sure has gotten whiney... There was one person kinda thrown in at the last minute, and before we approved, the youngest expressed concern, but could not specifically identify the exact reason why she was concerned, so we allowed the last entry, and even allowed her to spend the night. What is that about gut feelings???? Anyway, this girl leaves the party twice and we told her that one more time and mom is coming to pick her up. Next day some of the details started coming out. Lets just say, Steve's ex makes this girl look like a nun turned angel. Fast forward couple of weeks, she ends up in the hospital for serious alcohol poisoning. He mom called to talk to my wife and my wife advised her the kid is in serious need for help. This is one of those times where hindsite sure is nice. Sure didn't (and don't) need the drama, which we could have avoided by not allowing her to come. Should have contacted her mom to come pick her up. And really in hindsite, maybe should have contacted mom and let her know what her daughter was up too. That is a super fine line, we had suspicions, but nothing concrete until the next day. We basically locked the kid down, she couldn't breath without one of us watching. Trying to avoid getting involved in things that don't not directly affect our family, which is why we chose to not call mom. I hate seeing kids in this much trouble so early in life :( So now this drama is linked to my oldest's party, which was a celebration of her 16th b'day, and more importantly to me, her growing past the bad decision making.

phecksel
10-16-2007, 01:24 PM
I'll check back in 9 months and find out what really happened that night:(
Uh, there may be a bit more to the story, in fact a disturbing side that I didn't share.

phecksel
10-16-2007, 01:30 PM
but why do you absolutely give up? Seems like you did pretty good.

Thank you

I wanted to do something nice for the oldest and one person had to come along and cause some initial problems that night, but we're still apparently paying a couple of weeks later. Somehow we have some blame in her alcohol poisoning issue two weeks later. We kept a tight rein on all the kids that night, one of us was always inside the house, kids were kept outside on the deck, and someone was always outside. there was no alcohol present, none brought onto the property, no smoking...of any flavor. All beverages provided. Blaming us for her alcohol poisoning two friggin weeks later is beyond rediculous.

I give up with anything that involves any other people!!! Another whiney thread I started was something along the order of no good deed goes unpunished!

milkmania
10-16-2007, 06:34 PM
Uh, there may be a bit more to the story, in fact a disturbing side that I didn't share.

I knew there was more, there's always more!

;)

fact------> kids only let you know what they want you to know

uawaterskier
10-16-2007, 07:30 PM
well as far as kids drinking, they do. When I was in HS two short years ago I drank frequently. In fact I probably drank more my senior year in HS then I do now in college. My parents never let me drink, I always went out and did it on my own. However, I'm sure many nights when I came home they knew I was drunk, but let me slide due to the fact that I wasn't driving, and had a sober ride. Bottom line, kids make bad decisions, adults make bad decisions, but it is what you can learn from those bad decisions that shape you as a person

TMCNo1
10-16-2007, 07:59 PM
well as far as kids drinking, they do. When I was in HS two short years ago I drank frequently. In fact I probably drank more my senior year in HS then I do now in college. My parents never let me drink, I always went out and did it on my own. However, I'm sure many nights when I came home they knew I was drunk, but let me slide due to the fact that I wasn't driving, and had a sober ride. Bottom line, kids make bad decisions, adults make bad decisions, but it is what you can learn from those bad decisions that shape you as a person

Only if you are still alive to admit it and do something about it.