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Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 05:02 PM
To go back on Team talk or in the water.......

BAMMMMM!!!!!

The ol' UMP shark strikes again!!!!!! This time with the 10K post!
http://www.maneatingsharks.com/Images/Bull/bull.jpg

Thats right sports fans! I am back, like cousin Eddy.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/78/Cousin_Eddie.jpg/180px-Cousin_Eddie.jpg


OK, now I am adding a new player to my arsenal of creative nonsense here. SO in addition to Smokey & the Bandit, Pasties, Hookers, Superheros, black russians, Gene, Shampooing crotches, (did I mention Hookers?) and COOL KIDS lunch table, stealing kleenex from hospitals, all that good stuff, there is something worthy of adding to the list: Bull Sharks. Yes, not Bull ****** you perverts, but Bull sharks. While watching Shark week, I learned that Bull Sharks are capable of adapting to living in fresh water. that means one could come up to da UP and eat me. Thats pretty impressive. that also means one could come up here and eat Staristar's fat arse. boy that would be one happy shark if he found steve. ;) anyway, nothing is cooler than being eaten by a hungry shark, and its enviromental friendly too, dontchano! its all part of the cycle. sometimes we arent at the top of the food chain, more to the side, like french fries. I hope one day to get eaten by a shark, hell, it didnt look so bad in Jaws. as long as I aint swimming nekked with a hooker or anything, cuz THAT WOULD **** me off! so send a memo to all sharks clarifying that none are to eat me while swimming with nekked hookers. got that?? GOOD.

SO, as part of my 10K post, I wanted to say once again what a great community this is here at TMC. As my close bruthas and sistas here know, UMP has been away on a family health related issue that is coming around for the better. MANY THANKS for all the support from my family here. I sincerely apologize if I have not replied to a PM or phone call. its been so hectic here that I am swamped with trying to communicate with everyone. but that doesnt mean I dont appreciate your concern. THANKS TO EVERYONE! I am at the hospital now and trying to type all this on Mom's laptop and it sucks. bear with me please. I am triing My bEst Tu nOt MaKE this Luk Likee roD's TipinG

OK give me a minute to get a poll posted here peeps. I am slow today.

WORD UP TO ALL MY TEAM TALKERS!!!!!

shepherd
08-03-2007, 05:05 PM
__________________

fintek9
08-03-2007, 05:06 PM
THE UMP IS BACK:woohoo:

Welcome back bro....

tex
08-03-2007, 05:10 PM
About half way through the speech, the band started playing and it didn't slow him down at all. I was ready for him to yell-You guys love me! Congrats on 10k Ump! I knew you could do it!

east tx skier
08-03-2007, 05:11 PM
Welcome back UMP!

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 05:14 PM
my poll is up!!! NO!!! not THAT you sickos!!! I mean my question poll. :rolleyes: :noface: THANKS ALL!!!

milkmania
08-03-2007, 05:14 PM
"they all come back"8p

cmack
08-03-2007, 05:51 PM
UMP you might be safer playing with the good old Great White. I learned on Shark Week the the bull shark has the most testosterone of any animal. Even more than a big bull elephant.
I saw the clip of the dude who was standing in two feet with a dozen bulls circling. He was trying to prove that bulls are not aggressive. He lost his calf muscle just because.
What would happen to the world if UMP had all that testosterone? I wonder.....

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 05:54 PM
UMP you might be safer playing with the good old Great White. I learned on Shark Week the the bull shark has the most testosterone of any animal. Even more than a big bull elephant.
I saw the clip of the dude who was standing in two feet with a dozen bulls circling. He was trying to prove that bulls are not aggressive. He lost his calf muscle just because.
What would happen to the world if UMP had all that testosterone? I wonder.....
Thats whyI chose the Bull Shark, cuz its the baddest arse out there! mean sum bich!!! I like em! If I am ever attacked by a shark, I want it to be a bad arse. not some sissy shark that cant do a good job of it.

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 05:56 PM
UMP you might be safer playing with the good old Great White. I learned on Shark Week the the bull shark has the most testosterone of any animal. Even more than a big bull elephant.
I saw the clip of the dude who was standing in two feet with a dozen bulls circling. He was trying to prove that bulls are not aggressive. He lost his calf muscle just because.
What would happen to the world if UMP had all that testosterone? I wonder.....
If I had all that testosterone, I would father baby sharks, which I may choose to do one day anyway, cuz I find female sharks rather attractive.

WAT8415
08-03-2007, 06:02 PM
Glad to hear that things with the family are turning towards the better.

cmack
08-03-2007, 06:05 PM
If I had all that testosterone, I would father baby sharks, which I may choose to do one day anyway, cuz I find female sharks rather attractive.

Will you be wearing the cape?

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 06:07 PM
Will you be wearing the cape?
Always!!!!! I ALWAYS wear the cape when doing the "horizontal mambo". Ms. UMP dont care for it that much, but hey, it works for me! :cool: that way I can fly right out the window when I am done. :D

cmack
08-03-2007, 06:13 PM
are you gonna make your little baby bull sharks wear capes also? I know you really really enjoy the cape but the kidos will prob get teased and eaten by all the other baby bull sharks -- You don't want them to get eaten do you?

BriEOD
08-03-2007, 06:24 PM
Good stuff UMP...

Speaking of the cycle of life and getting eaten by wild animals, have you seen the footage of the guy who gotten eat by Kodiak Bears? He went out and tried to live with them...some cycle of life! He was screaming like a little girl.

Ric
08-03-2007, 06:30 PM
Congratulations ump. you ahrrre now masterrrrrrposterrrrr

fintek9
08-03-2007, 06:31 PM
Capes are cool on baby sharks, just don't make them ware masks like Michael Jackson!

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 06:32 PM
Good stuff UMP...

Speaking of the cycle of life and getting eaten by wild animals, have you seen the footage of the guy who gotten eat by Kodiak Bears? He went out and tried to live with them...some cycle of life! He was screaming like a little girl.
Yea, I saw that retard. He was just stoopid, probably tried to take their food or something. I cant understand how some people think. We live with bears all the time up here and as long as you dont take their beer or pasties, your generally OK.

Sharks are far noble of an animal. I mean, its the best of the best. its the perfect machine, the perfect hunter. it never stops, its like the terminator. it never stops hunting, its what it does, its ALL it does!! they are the most perfectly hydrodynamic animal on earth, the 2nd in line is the Mastercraft Prostar. then, well.....after than, nothing matters. :cool:

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 06:35 PM
Congratulations ump. you ahrrre now masterrrrrrposterrrrr
Great. that means I have to sit at your table at the MC conventions now.....:rolleyes: Why cant I have my own designation?? Like, "Master Rocker" or hell, even "Master Bedwetter" is better than sharing the same title as Ric. 8p

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 06:38 PM
are you gonna make your little baby bull sharks wear capes also? I know you really really enjoy the cape but the kidos will prob get teased and eaten by all the other baby bull sharks -- You don't want them to get eaten do you?
I want my shark babies to grow big, and eat humans. its the cycle of life bay-bay. Look, this gets blown out of proportion, there simply arent enough shark attacks on humans. there needs to be more. I vote we induce some legislation to make laws to make it easier for sharks to eat people. Just like lightning strikes, there arent enough of them.

Ric
08-03-2007, 06:48 PM
I want my shark babies to grow big, and eat humans. its the cycle of life bay-bay. Look, this gets blown out of proportion, there simply arent enough shark attacks on humans. there needs to be more. I vote we induce some legislation to make laws to make it easier for sharks to eat people. Just like lightning strikes, there arent enough of them. induce legislation aye ump?

Mag_Red
08-03-2007, 07:00 PM
WOW!!! Congrats man! It will be an honor to haul your ars to Mag Mania now:worthy:

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 07:01 PM
induce legislation aye ump?
Yes, Induce. I have induced legislation several times. it was amazing. I saw colors and everything.

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 07:02 PM
WOW!!! Congrats man! It will be an honor to haul your ars to Mag Mania now:worthy:
Why, because I induce legislation? or because I want to father baby sharks:confused: ??

Mag_Red
08-03-2007, 07:06 PM
Why, because I induce legislation? or because I want to father baby sharks:confused: ??The later. By the way...there is a huge shark exhibit going on down here at our Aquarium

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 07:09 PM
The later. By the way...there is a huge shark exhibit going on down here at our Aquarium
Ooooooo!!!! Are any of those sharks ya know..... hooker sharks??:confused: :popcorn:

Mag_Red
08-03-2007, 07:13 PM
Nah...but I bet we could find some outside of the Aquarium;)

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-03-2007, 07:17 PM
Nah...but I bet we could find some outside of the Aquarium;)
Oooooo! maybe we wont go to MM3 on wednesday, maybe we will ya know.....see "Sin-Sin-atti" abit.:cool:

Maristar210
08-03-2007, 07:54 PM
For the record I don't wear a 46 Speedo. 46 is the number of beers I can drink in a weekend 8p 8p

André
08-03-2007, 08:30 PM
For the record I don't wear a 46 Speedo...8p 8p
Did you make it to 48?
Didn't saw the thread about it but congrats anyway!8p ;)

Maristar210
08-03-2007, 08:43 PM
No Andre' thats the average width of a female canucks *** 8p 8p :D

TMCNo1
08-03-2007, 08:44 PM
Congratulation UMP,
I'm right behind ya!

suedv
08-04-2007, 08:32 AM
:wavey: Good morning UMP

TMCNo1
08-04-2007, 09:09 AM
It's been so long since we have seen UMP, we have forgot what he looks like, so..................................

6ballsisall
08-04-2007, 09:11 AM
Congrats UMP!! 10k useless posts! Thats a real feat! 8p

At my current rate I should be there in a year or two. :rolleyes:

TMCNo1
08-04-2007, 09:11 AM
:uglyhamme Opps, sorry! :uglyhamme Wrong UMP before, now lets see,

peason
08-04-2007, 09:14 AM
Nice to see you back bigger and badder that before! Hope all is well in God's country - dontchano!

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-04-2007, 12:35 PM
:uglyhamme Opps, sorry! :uglyhamme Wrong UMP before, now lets see,
Harold, you silly goof, that isnt me, you put a picture of Alton Brown from the Food Channel! 8p ;)

tex
08-04-2007, 12:50 PM
Is that Ump in the rainbow shirt? Hey Ump, Fins to your right, not left!

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-04-2007, 12:53 PM
Is that Ump in the rainbow shirt? Hey Ump, Fins to your right, not left!
AWESOME!! that was from the Sesame Street Live tour! Damn I love the cookie monster!!! and that green dude that lives in the garbage can. I love monsters that live in garbage cans, they have my respect.

Leroy
08-04-2007, 12:58 PM
If you are going to do any fishing I have a title for you!

Hey, great to see you UMP! Congrats on 10k posts! Very elite club there 10k Members!

east tx skier MC Master Poster 18,277
erkoehler MC Master Poster 12,277
Ric MC Master Poster 10,601
Upper Michigan Prostar190 MC Master Poster 10,030


Great. that means I have to sit at your table at the MC conventions now.....:rolleyes: Why cant I have my own designation?? Like, "Master Rocker" or hell, even "Master Bedwetter" is better than sharing the same title as Ric. 8p

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-04-2007, 01:03 PM
If you are going to do any fishing I have a title for you!

Hey, great to see you UMP! Congrats on 10k posts! Very elite club there 10k Members!

east tx skier MC Master Poster 18,277
erkoehler MC Master Poster 12,277
Ric MC Master Poster 10,601
Upper Michigan Prostar190 MC Master Poster 10,030
Ya know, its kinda like being on the A team. there are 3 cool guys and one big funny looking bafoon, right Ric??

Ric
08-04-2007, 01:07 PM
Ya know, its kinda like being on the A team. there are 3 cool guys and one big funny looking bafoon, right Ric?? I say welcome to the a-team ump... HEY wait a minute, which one is the buffoon?

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-04-2007, 01:13 PM
I say welcome to the a-team ump... HEY wait a minute, which one is the buffoon?
Well, Eastie is obviously the leader of the Group(like Hannibal), Erk is the one we gotta spring out of the nuthouse occasionaly (like Murdoch) and I am the good looking, sauve, debonier, ladies man (like Face) and that leaves you......Hey, nice necklaces you got there.:rolleyes:

Ric
08-04-2007, 01:14 PM
Well, Eastie is obviously the leader of the Group(like Hannibal), Erk is the one we gotta spring out of the nuthouse occasionaly (like Murdoch) and I am the good looking, sauve, debonier, ladies man (like Face) and that leaves you......Hey, nice necklaces you got there.:rolleyes: probably true

tex
08-04-2007, 01:15 PM
Well, Eastie is obviously the leader of the Group(like Hannibal), Erk is the one we gotta spring out of the nuthouse occasionaly (like Murdoch) and I am the good looking, sauve, debonier, ladies man (like Face) and that leaves you......Hey, nice necklaces you got there.:rolleyes:
Does that make me BA? I'm physically unabled to wear a mohawk!

6ballsisall
08-04-2007, 01:16 PM
Well, Eastie is obviously the leader of the Group(like Hannibal), Erk is the one we gotta spring out of the nuthouse occasionaly (like Murdoch) and I am the good looking, sauve, debonier, ladies man (like Face) and that leaves you......Hey, nice necklaces you got there.:rolleyes:


UMP your nose is growing so long we have a shadow down here in Georgia.....:rolleyes: :D

fintek9
08-04-2007, 01:18 PM
No, I think you got caught in the middle of "YMCA":D

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-04-2007, 01:19 PM
UMP your nose is growing so long we have a shadow down here in Georgia.....:rolleyes: :D
well, if its between me and Ric.........((((His mother had to tie a steak around his neck just to get the dog to play with him as a child. )))))

Leroy
08-04-2007, 01:20 PM
Time for a vote, aka A Team survivor!

I say welcome to the a-team ump... HEY wait a minute, which one is the buffoon?

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-04-2007, 01:50 PM
So I gotta tell you this funny story. SO we are at the hosptial, and they are bringing my dad to X-ray, and this transporter guy comes to get him, so he takes him away, and then he comes up with this elderly lady about 30- minutes later. now my dad is about 6 ft, rather rotund, and very tan with a buzz cut. so this old lady is about 90 lbs, white curly hair, and old and pale and wrinkly. so My cousin who is even worse than me for humor, pipes up at the guy right at the nurses station, and he says loudly "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM??? HE DIDNT LOOK LIKE THAT WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM DOWN THERE!!!!!! I THINK YOU BETTER TURN THAT X RAY MACHINE DOWN A FEW NOTCHES!!!! I busted out laughing so hard, then he did. and my uncle got mad at us. I cant help it. I just laughed and laughed and could NOT stop. the nurses didnt mind, and chuckled, but we roared, my uncle is so damn uptight all the time. he hates when my cousin and I get together cuz we cause so much trouble. :cool:

TMCNo1
08-04-2007, 02:08 PM
Harold, you silly goof, that isnt me, you put a picture of Alton Brown from the Food Channel!


That's just hilarious!:uglyhamme :rolleyes: :D

TMCNo1
08-04-2007, 02:35 PM
So I gotta tell you this funny story. SO we are at the hosptial, and they are bringing my dad to X-ray, and this transporter guy comes to get him, so he takes him away, and then he comes up with this elderly lady about 30- minutes later. now my dad is about 6 ft, rather rotund, and very tan with a buzz cut. so this old lady is about 90 lbs, white curly hair, and old and pale and wrinkly. so My cousin who is even worse than me for humor, pipes up at the guy right at the nurses station, and he says loudly "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM??? HE DIDNT LOOK LIKE THAT WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM DOWN THERE!!!!!! I THINK YOU BETTER TURN THAT X RAY MACHINE DOWN A FEW NOTCHES!!!! I busted out laughing so hard, then he did. and my uncle got mad at us. I cant help it. I just laughed and laughed and could NOT stop. the nurses didnt mind, and chuckled, but we roared, my uncle is so damn uptight all the time. he hates when my cousin and I get together cuz we cause so much trouble. :cool:


Reminds me of my colon cancer surgery. I asked my surgeon prior to the surgery what kind of incision I would have and he said it would probably start at my bellybutton and go down the about there!
Don't remember much about being in recovery and when they brought me by the nurses station to drop off my records on the way back to my room, Lynn and Traci were waiting for me. When I started to come out of it the next day, Lynn told me I had the whole floor cracked up at the nurses station on the way to my room.
Lynn said that I lifted the sheet and looked down and said, "WTH, Doc Fuller said I'd have a incision like a Hysterectomy, but did the have to cut off my d---"? Three days later, after they removed all the tubes and stuff, I kept begging the nurse for a Viagra and she tried politely to explain I didn't need one yet and I informed that Dr. Fuller told me he had ordered one a day as part of my meds. She checked my records and it didn't say anything and asked why he would order me Viagra and I told her is was to keep me from falling out of the bed.:rolleyes: :D

tex
08-04-2007, 03:10 PM
When my father was in the hospital dying of cancer we were standing over him talking to the doctor(very dry female). She was explaining that my father was going to die and he was in tremendous pain. She went on to say that they would do everything possible to make him as comfortable as possible. My mother turns to the doc and says, "Doc with all the pain that cancer causes, it's no wonder why that Doctor Karaoke has a job." I replied with, "Hey Doc, we are headed down to the Kevorkian Bar later today for some drinks, you wanna come". Everyone but the Doctor just cracked up. The Doc looked at us like we were crazy! My mother has a history of using the wrong words and we needed to laugh!

tex
08-04-2007, 03:14 PM
I do have another one. When I was laying on the table getting ready for my 1st knee operation, the doctor was explaining about how large the incesions would be. He was kinda apologizing for what it was going to look like. I explained to him that I didn't care if he signed his F'n name on my knee, just as long as he fixed it. I wasn't about to enter any best legs competitions!

peason
08-04-2007, 03:30 PM
So I gotta tell you this funny story. SO we are at the hosptial, and they are bringing my dad to X-ray, and this transporter guy comes to get him, so he takes him away, and then he comes up with this elderly lady about 30- minutes later. now my dad is about 6 ft, rather rotund, and very tan with a buzz cut. so this old lady is about 90 lbs, white curly hair, and old and pale and wrinkly. so My cousin who is even worse than me for humor, pipes up at the guy right at the nurses station, and he says loudly "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM??? HE DIDNT LOOK LIKE THAT WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM DOWN THERE!!!!!! I THINK YOU BETTER TURN THAT X RAY MACHINE DOWN A FEW NOTCHES!!!! I busted out laughing so hard, then he did. and my uncle got mad at us. I cant help it. I just laughed and laughed and could NOT stop. the nurses didnt mind, and chuckled, but we roared, my uncle is so damn uptight all the time. he hates when my cousin and I get together cuz we cause so much trouble. :cool:

Stop it right now! I can't stop -LMAO!

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-04-2007, 06:20 PM
Stop it right now! I can't stop -LMAO!
True stuff Phil! My uncle calls my cousin and I "the crows". he says we just sit around and wait for something or someone to pick on. Me and Fred are bad, real bad. There is NOTHING we wont make fun of.

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-04-2007, 06:21 PM
When my father was in the hospital dying of cancer we were standing over him talking to the doctor(very dry female). She was explaining that my father was going to die and he was in tremendous pain. She went on to say that they would do everything possible to make him as comfortable as possible. My mother turns to the doc and says, "Doc with all the pain that cancer causes, it's no wonder why that Doctor Karaoke has a job." I replied with, "Hey Doc, we are headed down to the Kevorkian Bar later today for some drinks, you wanna come". Everyone but the Doctor just cracked up. The Doc looked at us like we were crazy! My mother has a history of using the wrong words and we needed to laugh!
Tex, are your mom and my mom sisters??? My mom does the same thing. uses all sorts of word substitutions. hilarious stuff!!!! :uglyhamme

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-04-2007, 11:30 PM
So my dad gets his food in the hospital. and I want to help him. so I get him sitting in a chair and get his food table next to him. and I am opening up his milk, juice, and all that stuff. so I am standing there like a gaurd watching him. my dad is looking at my mom and rolling his eyes making faces while I am not looking. so I figure I would just make sure he was eating well, and I wanted to be there in case he needed sometthing. finally he has enough, and tells me to go sit my *** down cuz I am making him nervous watching him eat like I am some kind of medical drill seargeant. his sense of humor is really something. the better he feels, the more it blooms. Its a hoot.

uawaterskier
08-05-2007, 08:32 PM
congrats on the 10k. I think you want it to bit staristar

SkiDog
08-05-2007, 09:12 PM
Hey there UMPY! I'm glad your ole man is doing better! If you got a message on your phone the other day from a 912 area code, it was me. I can't tell you why I called, bit someday I will!:D

Chief
08-05-2007, 10:17 PM
If you are going to do any fishing I have a title for you!

Hey, great to see you UMP! Congrats on 10k posts! Very elite club there 10k Members!

east tx skier MC Master Poster 18,277
erkoehler MC Master Poster 12,277
Ric MC Master Poster 10,601
Upper Michigan Prostar190 MC Master Poster 10,030

How many until your a Master Baiter?

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-05-2007, 10:36 PM
Hey there UMPY! I'm glad your ole man is doing better! If you got a message on your phone the other day from a 912 area code, it was me. I can't tell you why I called, bit someday I will!:D
THanks pal!! I will check messages when I get home tomarrow. I will holla at you when the dust settles my friend. :) :wavey:

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-05-2007, 10:37 PM
How many until your a Master Baiter?
I dont need any posts for that. I been one for years. :cool: :cool:

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-05-2007, 11:28 PM
another funny story for you. so when we get my dad in the hospital he is really weak and has difficulty getting around, we have to answer a million questions. and they nurses are writing all this stuff down. so my mom is way stressed and just really nervous. so anyway, the nurse asks if we would like a Chaplain to see my dad, and my mom says "No, we just need someone to help him get to the bathroom" and I just BUST out laughing hard, and I cant stop! an d everyone just looks at me like I am some weirdo. I just couldnt help it! I was laughing so hard, I swear I almost peed my pants. It was sooooo funny! :uglyhamme

Hoosier Bob
08-05-2007, 11:29 PM
It works best if you sit on your hand until it falls asleep! Then she is anyone you want her to be!8p I dont need any posts for that. I been one for years. :cool: :cool:

Upper Michigan Prostar190
08-05-2007, 11:32 PM
It works best if you sit on your hand until it fals asleep! Then she is anyone you want her to be!8p
What a concept!!!!!!

fintek9
08-06-2007, 10:27 AM
Hummmm, I like that!!!:rolleyes:

Upper Michigan Prostar190
11-05-2008, 07:49 PM
WHere is my safety shark???

Doug G
11-05-2008, 11:07 PM
Lurking ........

Sodar
11-05-2008, 11:08 PM
What is this one about?