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View Full Version : 11 things men should know…………..


RexDog1
05-05-2007, 01:14 PM
I am having some issues with the women in my life right now……..
and ran a crossed this……
That helped me understand women more, not bashing women at all…….8p
I do not understand women…………………:confused:


Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

Nothing - This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead - (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

<Loud Sigh> - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

<Soft Sigh> - Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome".

Thanks A Lot - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Monte
05-05-2007, 02:06 PM
Very informative RD! That needs to go in the "Man Bible":D :cool:

betsy&david Harrison
05-05-2007, 11:24 PM
I found this to be hysterical...I use the "Fine" term occaisionally and I am defitenly a eye-roller with a smile.

Leroy
05-05-2007, 11:36 PM
Whatever.......

Too funny!

betsy&david Harrison
05-05-2007, 11:38 PM
Whatever.......

Too funny!
How come "Whatever" was left off the list?

RexDog1
05-06-2007, 08:45 AM
How come "Whatever" was left off the list?

I think "whatever" is the same as <Loud Sigh>:confused:

TMCNo1
05-06-2007, 08:59 AM
I think "whatever" is the same as <Loud Sigh>:confused:


At my house, "Whatever" is the adjective used with the "Loud Sigh" to say, ((("ENOUGH"))). I get the point! She doesn't use it much!:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

kycat2007
05-06-2007, 10:38 AM
that might need to be put in a sticky note for all men to see.

RexDog1
05-07-2007, 12:02 PM
Well I got the

Fine with the Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) combo ……….
Today before I left for work …….

My question is …should I go home tonight?:confused:

Monte
05-07-2007, 12:06 PM
Well I got the

Fine with the Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) combo ……….
Today before I left for work …….

My question is …should I go home tonight?:confused:

Won't that get you a "Thanks a lot"?

Mag_Red
05-07-2007, 12:08 PM
Well I got the

Fine with the Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) combo ……….
Today before I left for work …….

My question is …should I go home tonight?:confused: sure...in about 5 minutes:D

Maristar210
05-07-2007, 12:11 PM
I aint sayin **** :popcorn: :popcorn:


edit:/ I lied

KnoxX2
05-07-2007, 12:12 PM
Come on man ....... stand your ground (get home ASAP and ask her for forgiveness) JK

Maristar210
05-07-2007, 12:23 PM
Well I got the

Fine with the Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) combo ……….
Today before I left for work …….

My question is …should I go home tonight?:confused:

You should respond by pointing below her waist and asking her if she's using that? and then tell her you have an extra 45 seconds to kill. She'll be so shocked she'll forget what she was thinking. :D

When mine gets mad and starts going off on me I turn and say Sandy I've told you already, I don't want to have **** s*x with you, that's just disgusting. If I persist she can't help but start laughing.

My name's Steve and I'm fun to be around (loud sigh)

Rapunzl
05-07-2007, 02:23 PM
Okay, guys...my friend sent this to me and I had to agree with this point system (in addition to getting a good laugh as well)!

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:



SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed (+1)

* You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

* You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

* You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)

* You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

* You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

* It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Tina (-10)

Tina is a dancer (-20)

Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (+2)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter what]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Follow these rules and you should be just fine....;)

betsy&david Harrison
05-07-2007, 02:33 PM
This gave all the gals in the office a belly rolling laugh! Thanks Rapunzel!! B

Rapunzl
05-07-2007, 02:40 PM
Welcome, Betsy! I have a lot more where that came from!! PM me your personal email and I'll forward them on to you every once and awhile. The warning: some of them are not fit for conservative eyes and you need to appreciate a really good belly laugh at the expense of...uh...our opposite gender! R

Monte
05-07-2007, 02:46 PM
Okay, guys...my friend sent this to me and I had to agree with this point system (in addition to getting a good laugh as well)!

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed (+1)

* You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

* You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

* You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)

* You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

* You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

* It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Tina (-10)

Tina is a dancer (-20)

Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (+2)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter what]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Follow these rules and you should be just fine....;)

No way to win! Too many zeros for goods, way too many negatives for traps. The plus signs are almost non-existent.....

We just can't win.. I that what you are saying???

Rapunzl
05-07-2007, 02:49 PM
Well, no...you can't.

(just kiddin')

Actually, you can win...you just have to figure out a way to do it so that we women think that we've won!

Mag_Red
05-07-2007, 02:55 PM
Well, no...you can't.

(just kiddin')

Actually, you can win...you just have to figure out a way to do it so that we women think that we've won!Like he said...............there is no way to win:D

trickskier
05-07-2007, 02:56 PM
Actually, you can win...you just have to figure out a way to do it so that we women think that we've won!

SO, I guess after 23 years of marriage I have accomplished that??? :rolleyes:

trickskier
05-07-2007, 02:59 PM
Well I got the

Fine with the Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) combo ……….
Today before I left for work …….

My question is …should I go home tonight?:confused:
Hard to answer without knowing why you got the FINE......GO AHEAD before you left..............But I would definitely go home tonight.

Naste Craft
05-07-2007, 03:50 PM
The only problem with the points system is if the women find out you're trying to play a game for to points and not doing nice things because you care... (-100,000,000,000,000,000,000) you might as well give up because the game is over...:o

Monte
05-07-2007, 03:55 PM
Grandad always told me that doing the dishes earns big points... So I do them.. It helps... sometimes;)

betsy&david Harrison
05-07-2007, 03:58 PM
David makes me look bad...he does laundry, makes all the beds, dishes, irons (his clothes mostly), cleans the cars, mows lawns, cleans floors but not toilets, I married a man with ADHD!!!

jlf
05-08-2007, 09:26 AM
RexDog go home, it'll be worse otherwise. Instead of playing games have you asked what the problem is? Maybe you already know what it is, can it be discussed in a rational mannor? Sometimes I've found the best way to end a fight is to scream it out at eachother. Then once it's all out, you can talk rationally. This method doesn't work well if you have children in the house!! Here's a tip (at least in my house) if I'm PO'd at you don't ask for or hint about the S*X word, don't buy me flowers or nice gifts to make up, they don't really mean anything then. Give eachother time to cool off then talk it out. Once things are worked out then you get to go in for the make up S*X, then all should be right with the world!

BTW I laughed my Arse off at your words, they are so right on it is amazing. I use those words with those meanings so often, I thought you were talking about me!!

Workin' 4 Toys
05-08-2007, 08:50 PM
There is someone here that often uses "whatever". I think shes funny.:wavey:

All in all, everything sounds normal from my perspective. You did leave off one important catch phrase off the list..... "counseling"...... The definition is a matter of interpretation....;)