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whitedog
03-02-2007, 12:16 AM
Boy friends. :noface: My 14 1/2 yr old has her first boyfriend. :mad: As a concerned father we have set rules such as a resonable to us curfew of 9:00 durring the week and 10:00 on Friday - Saturday., and where they are permitted to go ect. They both know the rules and so far have been on time. He is still a little scared of me. (was cleaning guns one night when he came over) :rolleyes: I know this group has experince in this area and am ooking for suggestions to keep him just scared enought that he continues to play by the rules.

bigmac
03-02-2007, 12:21 AM
Boy friends. :noface: My 14 1/2 yr old has her first boyfriend. :mad: As a concerned father we have set rules such as a resonable to us curfew of 9:00 durring the week and 10:00 on Friday - Saturday., and where they are permitted to go ect. They both know the rules and so far have been on time. He is still a little scared of me. (was cleaning guns one night when he came over) :rolleyes: I know this group has experince in this area and am ooking for suggestions to keep him just scared enought that he continues to play by the rules.

IMHO, if he plays by the rules only because he's scared of you...that's a problem. Respect and fear are two completely different things.

whitedog
03-02-2007, 12:26 AM
IMHO, if he plays by the rules only because he's scared of you...that's a problem. Respect and fear are two completely different things.

I would agree with that, and respect is probabley where he's at just looking for suggestions to keep the relationship good and daughter safe. He seems to be a good kid and the reports so far are positive.

bigmac
03-02-2007, 12:41 AM
Be open, fair, forthright, treat both your daughter and her boyfriend with respect. Set clear rules, establish clear consequences for breaking the rules, and stick by 'em.

This is the point where everything you've taught your daughter over the last 14.5 years begins to come to fruition. Truthfully, there's not too much more you can do to change the person that she is. Almost everything that can be done about that, you and her mother have already done or not done. I'll bet she'll be fine.

maristarman
03-02-2007, 01:27 AM
You're in unchartered waters for me.

Our girls (16) are only allowed on the "group date" thing at this point.

There is nothing that my kids should be doing at 14, or 15, or 16 that they should not be able to do in a public setting.

Yes you have to trust your kids, but there is nothing that says you have to allow them to get themselves into situations where they may be tempted more than necessary.

We've had open and honest talks with them and they know that kids their ages (even younger) are already "active".

Heck, we've got such a great relationship with them they even tell us who (they trust that they can confide in us). :woohoo:

JMHO, but I think with a teenage boy, at 14 or 15, unless you've known the kid a long time, he's not going to really "respect" you.

If he was raised right he's gonna treat you with respect....

So I guess what I'm saying is fear is not necessarily a bad thing....

cbryan70
03-02-2007, 01:32 AM
16 and only allowed on group dates? Not to be an a$$ but are you saying that you didnt go out with girls at the age of 16 by yourself? Im just looking from my perspective being 22. Kids are active at ALOT younger age now but they are going to do the things anyways one way or another....IMO limiting time together alone may increase the speed of things to happen

maristarman
03-02-2007, 01:44 AM
16 and only allowed on group dates? Not to be an a$$ but are you saying that you didnt go out with girls at the age of 16 by yourself? Im just looking from my perspective being 22. Kids are active at ALOT younger age now but they are going to do the things anyways one way or another....IMO limiting time together alone may increase the speed of things to happen

That was then and this is now. When I was 16 girls didn't have to worry about someone slipping some X in their soda if you take your eyes off of it for 2 seconds.

Just because a lot of kids are "active" a lot younger doesn't mean I need to condone it, or allow my kids to be in situations where they could be faced with some decisions I don't think a 16 year old should need to make.

I wish you luck when you become a parent, but its your "kids are gonna do it anyway" type of thinking that has public schools in NYC handing out condoms to 5th graders.

Not judging anyone else's choices, just saying my family doesn't live that way.

cbryan70
03-02-2007, 02:36 AM
Ohh im not saying I agree with being active young, and i do agree with regulating time alone but at the same time i would wonder if perhapes the time alone they get that you dont know about may lead to things alot faster then if they were to have more time alone. My first serious gf when i was 16 she was 14 soon to be 15 we had time alone but we also had very involved parents, which seems to be the case with you and we both listened and followed for the most part. I most def agree with the curfew at that age...anything past 11 at 16 and you are just doing things you dont need to be doing anyways...drinking,smoking sex ext. My point is at the age of 16 you feel a huge freedom becuase of being able to drive, and as much as parents like to think they ALWAYS know where there kids are and what they are doing, thats not true. My only concern which may or may not make sense is restricting time alone or only allowing double dates and always being around someone may cause a speed up in sexual acts. It may cause anxiousness, obviously i have no proof but alone time isnt always bad. Im not saying or recommending alone time being no one around but alone time in your house with you being home is about as good as a double date.

whitedog
03-02-2007, 08:29 AM
So far so good The bf and I have a good dialogue, he come from a farm background I work in the ag industry so we have something to talk about. He is from a neighboring school district not a bad thing, just don't know him. My 17 yo son must think he is ok after checking with his friends from the bf school as he picks on the bf in a good way as kids will do. Hoping that if he is around this summer he will join us with the watersports thing.

H20skeefreek
03-02-2007, 08:55 AM
Be open, fair, forthright, treat both your daughter and her boyfriend with respect. Set clear rules, establish clear consequences for breaking the rules, and stick by 'em.

This is the point where everything you've taught your daughter over the last 14.5 years begins to come to fruition. Truthfully, there's not too much more you can do to change the person that she is. Almost everything that can be done about that, you and her mother have already done or not done. I'll bet she'll be fine.
I have to agree with this. You have to start this battle 14.5 years in advance, which you may have, I don't know. No matter how much you regulate, if they want to do something that you don't want them to do, they are gonna do it, I know from experience. You just have to hope that they know that they shouldn't do those things, and hope they have the will-power to not do them.

When I was 15, my gf and I would go to the movies, buy a ticket, leave the movies, go "do" whatever we wanted, then go back to the movies when my dad was going to pick us up. He never was a bit the wiser.

My suggestion would be to do as much as you can with the both of them. Take him out on the boat, make him respect the girl and the family, and hopefully he won't pressure you daughter into things she and you don't want her to do.

H20skeefreek
03-02-2007, 08:55 AM
Be open, fair, forthright, treat both your daughter and her boyfriend with respect. Set clear rules, establish clear consequences for breaking the rules, and stick by 'em.

This is the point where everything you've taught your daughter over the last 14.5 years begins to come to fruition. Truthfully, there's not too much more you can do to change the person that she is. Almost everything that can be done about that, you and her mother have already done or not done. I'll bet she'll be fine.
I have to agree with this. You have to start this battle 14.5 years in advance, which you may have, I don't know. No matter how much you regulate, if they want to do something that you don't want them to do, they are gonna do it, I know from experience. You just have to hope that they know that they shouldn't do those things, and hope they have the will-power to not do them.

When I was 15, my gf and I would go to the movies, buy a ticket, leave the movies, go "do" whatever we wanted, then go back to the movies when my dad was going to pick us up. He never was a bit the wiser.

My suggestion would be to do as much as you can with the both of them. Take him out on the boat, make him respect the girl and the family, and hopefully he won't pressure you daughter into things she and you don't want her to do.

Maristar210
03-02-2007, 09:07 AM
Hopefully you have already installed her moral compass. Just guide her the rest of the way. Good kids make good decisions for the most part.

One the other hand when I was 15 I......

Well you really don't want to hear any of that:rolleyes:

Steve

chudson
03-02-2007, 10:25 AM
WhiteDog looks like your covering about everything and it helps to have big brother around because that's almost like having you at school looking out for her. I had the the same situation and everything worked out great so best wishes and on the lighter side check out the following...............


APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, copy of signed Teenager Driving Contract, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME: _______________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH: ________________________
HEIGHT: ________ WEIGHT: _________
HAIR COLOR: __________ EYE COLOR: _________
BIRTHMARKS: _________________________________
IQ: _________ GPA: ______________
SOCIAL SECURITY #: _________________________
DRIVER'S LICENSE #: _________________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES: __________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
SCHOOLS ATTENDED: ___________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES: _________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS: _______________________________
_____________________________________________
CITY/STATE: _________________________________
___________________________ ZIP: __________
TELEPHONE: _________________________________
EMAIL: _____________________________________


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you own a van? ____ A truck with oversized tires? ____

A waterbed? ____ A pickup with a mattress in the back? ____

A pager? _____

Do you have an ear ring, a nose ring, or a belly button ring? ____

A tattoo? ____
(IF YES TO ANY OF the ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES.)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? __________

__________________________________________________ ______

__________________________________________________ ______

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ______

__________________________________________________ ______

__________________________________________________ ______

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ______

__________________________________________________ ______

__________________________________________________ ______


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Church you attend: ________________________________________

How often you attend: _____________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and pastor? ______________


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answer by filing in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential (that means I won't tell anyone EVER).

A. If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be _____________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my _________________________

C. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ______________________

D. When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is ____________________________

(IF ANSWER to D. BEGINS WITH "T" OR "A", DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________

__________________________________________________ ____

__________________________________________________ ____

__________________________________________________ ____



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ON THIS APPLICATION IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, ELECTROCUTION AND RED HOT POKERS.


______________________________________
SIGNATURE (that means your name)




Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties and carrying violin cases.

(Source unknown)

SkiDog
03-02-2007, 10:35 AM
Ya'll guys just wait till they turn 18 and think they can do whatever they want to, because they are adults NOW! Welcome to my world!

trickskier
03-02-2007, 11:09 AM
IMHO, if he plays by the rules only because he's scared of you...that's a problem. Respect and fear are two completely different things.

I couldn't agree more Bigmac......My 17 year old daughter has her first true boyfriend as well. My approach has been to spend time talking to him when he's over and make him feel comfortable talking to me. I would rather have him involved in our family activities than feel threatened about taking my daughter out.

If you have taught your daughter good moral values, that's the best you're going to be able to do. The ball is in her court to make the correct decisions. I suspect he's just the first of many to come at her age.

I know it's tough watching your little girl with a boyfriend. Because it is for me too. However, the fact is they do grow up, too fast.

Best of luck.

Mag_Red
03-02-2007, 11:27 AM
Either I'm lucky or I have my head in the sand but my daughter hasn't had a "boyfriend" the last three years. Sure she has boys she hangs around with along with her other girl friends, but no committed relationships. My ex-wife is actually concerned about this. :rolleyes: I told her be happy she just hangs out with friends. She has 4 years of college ahead of her..........we don't need boys messing with the plans.:D

Sodar
03-02-2007, 11:28 AM
IMHO, if he plays by the rules only because he's scared of you...that's a problem. Respect and fear are two completely different things.

I agree with ya on the BigMac! I think that respect plays a big role from both sides. I did not have my first girlfriend until I was a bit older, so not all of this may apply to a teenager, but no the less, I will just toss out a few things that I though helped the situation and create a mutually beneficial environment.

I always thought that it was really neat how comfortable my GF's dad and I were with each other. Even dumb little jaunts to grab some take-out for the family or running other errands were cool and I think gave both of us a chance to "bond".

On the reverse end, my GF would do things alone with my mom, such as Christmas shopping and other girl stuff alone, that would just make the whole situation a lot more comfortable.

Lastly, our family travels ALOT, every weekend during the summer and every other during the winters. I can not remember very many vacations that the GF did not go on, while we were together. This also made everyone very comfortable over time....

whitedog
03-02-2007, 11:31 AM
I agee that respecting each other is parpamount to a good relationship. Bf has parents who are interested in who he is with also. One of the first outings was to his house for dinner with his parents.

phecksel
03-02-2007, 12:08 PM
Boy friends. :noface: My 14 1/2 yr old has her first boyfriend. :mad: As a concerned father we have set rules such as a resonable to us curfew of 9:00 durring the week and 10:00 on Friday - Saturday., and where they are permitted to go ect. They both know the rules and so far have been on time. He is still a little scared of me. (was cleaning guns one night when he came over) :rolleyes: I know this group has experince in this area and am ooking for suggestions to keep him just scared enought that he continues to play by the rules.
NANANANANANANANAN
WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It's good to know the parents. No "dating" until 16, public group things are acceptable. Be cautious, because parents aren't alway's what they seem. Last b/f mom, actually gave our daughter smokes... We didn't directly address it, but sure did a whole lot of indirect.

atlfootr
08-28-2008, 10:00 AM
I couldn't agree more Bigmac......

My 17 year old daughter has her first true boyfriend as well.
I know it's tough watching your little girl with a boyfriend.
Because it is for me too. However, the fact is they do grow up, too fast.

And now she's a NOLE!
Yea know they even made a TV Show about this very subject ...

http://8simplerules.tvheaven.com/8SimpleRulesS1.jpg (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000QFCDAO/ref=nosim/threescompany)

" 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter" is based on the best-selling book,
8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter, by W. Bruce Cameron (http://www.wbrucecameron.com/), a father is blind-sided when his two sweet little girls turn into teenagers with hormones raging and a logic all their own.

His only solace his is 13-year-old son whom he still manages to understand. John Ritter stars as Paul Hennessy, a loving, rational dad who can't quite figure out how his sweet little daughters morphed into hormonally-challenged, incomprehensible teenagers.
Luckily, he still has a 13-year-old son who still speaks his language.

Willski
08-28-2008, 10:15 AM
You guys are scaring me. My daughter is 4. I don't even want to think about the subject!!

ShamrockIV
08-28-2008, 10:24 AM
You guys are scaring me. My daughter is 4. I don't even want to think about the subject!!

DUDE i have 4 girls!! you think you are scared? i got twins that are almost 8, one that will be 7 and one that will be 4!!

should i save up for bail money and lawyers now, or will my PTSD defense hold up in court??

Dan K
08-28-2008, 10:31 AM
Having two teenage daughters myself I can speak form some experience. I know and trust my girls extensively, after all I have been watching and interacting with them for many years. I do not know or trust their boy friends at all since I haven't interacted with them. Now that is not to say I can't read people and get a sense for where their moral compass is headed, but I still do not completly trust them.

Roonie's
08-28-2008, 10:31 AM
I know when I was 16 the only thing I wanted to do with a girl was get to second base or more. Thats all the boys talked about no matter what family background they come from. Glad I don't have daughters. I will say though it takes two to tango....... Many times it was the girl who would say ok and initiate it. Without their permission it was a no go. Good luck with that.

TX.X-30 fan
08-28-2008, 10:37 AM
I know when I was 16 the only thing I wanted to do with a girl was get to second base or more. Thats all the boys talked about no matter what family background they come from. Glad I don't have daughters. I will say though it takes two to tango....... Many times it was the girl who would say ok and initiate it. Without their permission it was a no go. Good luck with that.




I'm sure he feels all warm and fuzzy now. :D

Jorski
08-28-2008, 10:39 AM
I have a daughter that is just a little younger (12), and I share your fears. That being said, when I think back to my teenage years, the wild ones always seemed to come from the most restrictive families. (You know, the "minister's daughter" jokes have some truth to them)

If you are too repressive, they just will stop talking to you, become distant and do everything "in secret"...that can lead to serious trouble. I think that you want to pick your battles carefully.

Hard thing to deal with that's for sure.

wakeX2wake
08-28-2008, 10:40 AM
i swear if i ever have a daughter i'm gonne tell the doc to put it back until it's a boy... situation averted

ShamrockIV
08-28-2008, 10:56 AM
i swear if i ever have a daughter i'm gonne tell the doc to put it back until it's a boy... situation averted


yeah yeah. daughters rule!! they always take care of their daddy!!

ShamrockIV
08-28-2008, 10:58 AM
see boyz i am gonna have it bad!!!

atlfootr
08-28-2008, 11:33 AM
That right there is a handful :D

CBergerson
08-28-2008, 12:15 PM
see boyz i am gonna have it bad!!!

What a charming bunch of beautiful young ladies! You are a lucky man. I fear for your sanity when they hit the teenage years, though!! :D

flipper
08-28-2008, 12:30 PM
What a charming bunch of beautiful young ladies! You are a lucky man. I fear for your sanity when they hit the teenage years, though!! :D

Na....sham's gonna be okay....I fear for the boys :rolleyes:

ShamrockIV
08-28-2008, 03:00 PM
Na....sham's gonna be okay....I fear for the boys :rolleyes:


yeah they are just like babymama so we may be in trouble!!!!!;)

Muttley
08-28-2008, 05:29 PM
Daughters are awesome! As long as you lock them up from age 13 - 18.

IMO, 14 1/2 is too young to be on a date alone. Group or chaparone. I think I'd be meeting his parents. The problem becomes in policing them. It's really hard to keep your eye on them 24/7. It might be time to have "The Talk" (dun, dun, daaaaaaa)

I know she's your little princess, but in my case, having had both a boy (now 23) and a girl (19 in a month) It's my opininion that boys are stupid. Girls are evil.

I don't disagree with the respect over fear thing, but I think a little fear doesn't hurt. You don't want the boyfriend to crap their pants or the daughter to rebell, but if the boy sweats a little he'll work a little harder to follow the rules. If they still keep going out with your daughter, that means they're serious. Not that that's very comforting.

A few years ago I came home and caught my daughter (17 at the time) in the basement, messing around with a boy. I chased him down the street with his pants around his ankles. He wound up earning my respect, tho'. He later faced me and apologized and they've been going steady for 2 years now. He turned out to be a pretty good kid. And I have a great story to pull out if they get married.

"Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree" - Bill Cosby

uawaterskier
08-29-2008, 02:10 AM
yay for only being 20...ive been away at college for 2 years now, but recently moved back home. Not exactly my "best" idea. Needless to say Mom is still trying to be Mom that she was when I was in HS. Its not working out well for either of us. Dad on the other hand pretty much told me I don't give a crap what you do, here are your rules anything else your on your own. I feel as though the root of all problems started when I brought this home....

http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p121/racinfast002/CIMG1232.jpg

and as far as dating goes. Eh kids are going to do what they want to do. I myself was brought in up in a relaxed atmosphere. My parents taught me to be responsible for my own actions. Am I virgin, no, but lets just say I don't go out "looking to get laid." Not really my thing. We've been dating 2.5 years now and I could count on one hand how many times.

http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p121/racinfast002/CIMG0782.jpg

and i taught her to ski this summer...(Notice # of skis and the fact she hadn't skied a day in her life until this summer)

http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p121/racinfast002/n1005210188_30132115_1147.jpg

#47of100TeamMC
08-29-2008, 10:27 AM
I'd be pissed if my son brought home a Kawasaki too! He should know better by now! HONDA or else! :D

Here he is, still trying to hold his head up...

mccobmd
08-29-2008, 11:25 AM
Just to interject a little research, studies show that percentages of teen sex go up dramatically after 150 hours of the two of them alone together. 2 suggestions from someone who deals with pregnancy for a living 1) make it clear that sex before marriage is physically and emotionally more dangerous than waiting, studies clearly show this 2) make it clear that if she decides to make the adult decision to have sex she needs to make the adult decision to use a condom to protect herself and birth control to prevent pregnancy. Some parents tell me that if they take them to get birth control they are condoning the actions. You can explain to them that there is no question that you think the decision is wrong, but that you respect that they are being responsible in trying to avoid consequences in the midst of the wrong decision. Every month I see 2 or 3 girls who are sneaking around and get pregnant. It is better to keep it in the open because if you have a relationship that they can come to you about this, they can and will come to you about anything.

Age Fighter
08-29-2008, 11:39 AM
Raising daughters is a challenge and a blessing. Looks like a little girl born in Idaho 44 years ago was raised right. She fishes, hunts, has five kids including one with Downs syndrome, loves her husband..and oh by the way is Governor of Alaska and may soon have even more resume enhancements.
:D:D:D

wsrobert
08-31-2008, 10:53 PM
I know the feeling...my day's coming too......Me and my little boy are in big trouble!!!