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View Full Version : Teens.....What would you do?


Mag_Red
01-03-2007, 08:59 AM
As some of you may remember, my teenage daughter decided to move in with me a few months ago. She is for the most part a very good teen age girl......maintains good grades in school.....works two part time jobs.....isn't excessively boy crazy...... has a good circle of friends......does most of what I ask of her around the house with out protesting too much. Here's the problem..........

New Year's Eve she told me she was going to a school friend's house (female) to attend a party. I knew the parents probably wouldn't be home. I told her I didn't want her to travel anywhere as I suspected there would be beer at the party. ( I remember what it was like when I was her age 17 1/2) She called at mid-night to wish me a Happy New Years and assured me she was OK......and at her friend's house.

Well I have come to find that wasn't exactly the truth. Seems I was able to get a profile on a site called facebook......the new "My Space" for kids. After snooping around the site, I find a post from her best friend saying how funny it was when my daughter looked her keys in her car at a party in Covington Ky. They had to call a lock smith to get the keys. This party was no where near where she said she would be.

I am furious to say the least!:mad: My inclination is to take away car priveleges except for work and school and to ground her from any actives except these two. What would you do???

Workin' 4 Toys
01-03-2007, 09:06 AM
I would like to think talking it out would be best. Then based on that outcome revolking vehicle privledges might be in order. But then you may add some stress to this trying to keep "track" of where said vehicle goes....

Mag_Red
01-03-2007, 09:19 AM
I would like to think talking it out would be best. Then based on that outcome revolking vehicle privledges might be in order. But then you may add some stress to this trying to keep "track" of where said vehicle goes....I've already lookrd into battery operated GPS tracking devices. The thing that really upsets me is the dishonesty. I'm actually a pretty cool Dad for the most part. I don't expect her to be an Angel......just be honest with me.:mad:

Sodar
01-03-2007, 09:19 AM
I am far from a parent, so I will play the devil's advocate. Being just a hint over 5 years older than your daughter, I know how I would feel if my parents were looking around on the internet to find out info on me. Now, I know the parental argument on this topic because I have heard it numerous times over the years. I am just warning you, that I do not think that she is going to be happy when she finds out how you found out...

Now, looking back on the stuff I did and the punishments I got; taking the car away would be the least of my concerns. I pulled something similar to this when I was a senior in high school, when I told my parents I was going to stay at my buddies house, but ended up sleeping over at my girlfriend's house. My parents found out when they went for a morning jog and my dumb@ss had parked my car around the corner from my girlfriends house.... BUSTED!! I got my car taken away, my cellphone plan was changed to "emergencies only" and I was not allowed to visit with the girlfriend outside of school unless it was at my house w/ my parents home... OUCH!!

Best of luck with this! Just remember that it is something you probably did as a kid and you turned out alright, so she will too!!

Slinkyredfoot
01-03-2007, 09:20 AM
I have raised two daughters and at ages 22 and 25 they are still a work in progress.
There are three things that come to mind here. SHe did in fact call you to let you know she was okay, you apparently had some suspicions about her whereabouts so you decided to check out "facebook" and found what you probably suspected, and lastly she lied.
I would confront here with where she actaully was that night to see if she will come clean and tell you the truth.
But, the one thing I would never tolerate with my kids was lying, I always told them if you lie you always have to remember what you said yesterday, and you will get in a lot less trouble by telling the truth than lying.Lack of honesty is a violation of trust.
The sitiuation is up to you Mag, but in my book lying would not be tolerated and there are always consequences to lack of good judgement.:twocents:

Mag_Red
01-03-2007, 09:24 AM
I am far from a parent, so I will play the devil's advocate. Being just a hint over 5 years older than your daughter, I know how I would feel if my parents were looking around on the internet to find out info on me. Now, I know the parental argument on this topic because I have heard it numerous times over the years. I am just warning you, that I do not think that she is going to be happy when she finds out how you found out...

Now, looking back on the stuff I did and the punishments I got; taking the car away would be the least of my concerns. I pulled something similar to this when I was a senior in high school, when I told my parents I was going to stay at my buddies house, but ended up sleeping over at my girlfriend's house. My parents found out when they went for a morning jog and my dumb@ss had parked my car around the corner from my girlfriends house.... BUSTED!! I got my car taken away, my cellphone plan was changed to "emergencies only" and I was not allowed to visit with the girlfriend outside of school unless it was at my house w/ my parents home... OUCH!!

Best of luck with this! Just remember that it is something you probably did as a kid and you turned out alright, so she will too!!I hear you......but as a parent I can't just sit by and pretend I don't know. BTW........as a minor you have NO Rights! You are My responsibility! As far as how I found out........I know a lot of people in the Auto industry....as far as she would know I ran into a buddy of mine that told me a funny story about some kid that locked her keys in her car.......she'll never know how I actually found out.;)

Kyle's_prostar205
01-03-2007, 09:24 AM
MAG again I want to tell you how GREAT it was to hear that she was moving in with you a few months ago! I am 23 and was a fairly good kid and seeing what my parents did when I had done somethign wrong was...Begin by talking about what had happened and laying all the facts out on the table FIRST. Then you can explain to her how you feel and what you think about the situation. Then allow your daughter to explain herself and allow her to see what she had done wrong. Then you can make the choice weather to take away the privalages or maybe something a little less severe. Hope that kinda made some sense and was maybe a little bit of help. Good luck and Happy New Year!

Jesus_Freak
01-03-2007, 09:25 AM
I have a teen, but not quite driving yet. I would recommend open communication - that is a must. And...as part of that communication, I would clearly explain why I am partially revoking driving capacity. Make sure your motives are clear.

ski_king
01-03-2007, 09:39 AM
Having 2 daughters about the same age, I think I would bring it up by mentioning the locksmith connection, see if she spills her guts. How much she tells, would depend on the punishment.

As far as the facebook goes, I thought this was for college students only that have .edu email addresses. I know my older daughter has an account and I tried to check it out and couldn't because you need to have an account to view anything. Mag, do you have a myspace page?

ski_king
01-03-2007, 09:39 AM
edit...
I just checked out facebook again, it looks like you no longer need a edu email address.

Sodar
01-03-2007, 09:44 AM
edit...
I just checked out facebook again, it looks like you no longer need a edu email address.
Yeah, about a year ago, facebook opened itself up to high school ages...

Threadjack Over!

Workin' 4 Toys
01-03-2007, 09:48 AM
I hear you......but as a parent I can't just sit by and pretend I don't know. BTW........as a minor you have NO Rights! You are My responsibility! As far as how I found out........I know a lot of people in the Auto industry....as far as she would know I ran into a buddy of mine that told me a funny story about some kid that locked her keys in her car.......she'll never know how I actually found out.;)
Unless maybe she checks your computer history and sees what you have seen AND then happens to look here.....:eek:

Maristar210
01-03-2007, 09:51 AM
Mag

Are you positive she deceived you about her location or did the plans possibly change?

If she did lie I think at 17-1/2 you'll piss her off more than teach her a lesson by taking away her car. I think you have a frank conversation with her. Tell her about trust and what trust entails, how it is broken and how it is redeemed. Tell her that trust must be maintained. Taking her car away seems like you want to strike back at her for deceiving you. JMO

Kids do get pissed as Sodar said if they find out you are snooping on thier sites. This too is viewed as lack of trust so I think it would be nothing but detrimental to bring up "how" you found out. Just my 2C.

When I was 17 we used to drink beer by the case and blow up **** so what you have is a giggly 17 year old and frankly it scares the hell out of you. Am I right?

My Daughter is 21 driving around a vehicle I own and it scares the hell out of me, so I can empathize.

BOL - Steve

mitch
01-03-2007, 09:55 AM
Don't want to drive a wedge too deep, remember she's 6 months away from being able to do what she wants. Tell her you're really pissed (thrown some stuff around for effect) and very very disappointed (explaining how totally wrong lying is) and give her the cold shoulder for a few days. She sounds like a pretty good kid, and it could have been worse.... she didn't knock off a convenience store. Chit happens, I did way worse.
Dad of 3 teenagers, one of which is a 17 1/2 y/o girl. Good luck Bob!
My .02
Note: Advice would be much different if she were 16 1/2. Cya!

Sodar
01-03-2007, 10:00 AM
Tell her you're really pissed (thrown some stuff around for effect) and give her the cold shoulder for a few days.

LMAO!! Do parents really do this?!?!?! It all makes SOOOO much sense now!!

Workin' 4 Toys
01-03-2007, 10:02 AM
LMAO!! Do parents really do this?!?!?! It all makes SOOOO much sense now!!
Ummmmmmmmmm.....No......... :rolleyes:

trickskier
01-03-2007, 10:15 AM
Mag, I have a 17 year old daughter as well. Very simular to yours in that for the most part she's a good teen and is an honor student. When she wants to spend the night out with a friend we require her to call from the home phone so that it shows up on caller ID. We also speak to the parents (even if they're not going to be home) to make sure they know she is spending the night and what her curfew is. I'm not saying that this is 100% effective but it is a deterrent.

I have caught her and my 14 year old son in a few "White Lies" at times. The way I have handled it was to just come out and say do you want to tell me where you really were? Give them the opportunity to fess up and I tell them that the punishment for telling the truth will not be as severe as telling me another lie.

If you let this go unchallenged she will think she got away with one and will do it again. I had my daughter and 6 of her friends on my boat this weekend and the things they were saying about lying to their parents absolutely shocked me! I guess they thought I wasn't listening.

Instead of a GPS for the car, I would suggest a cell phone with GPS. A teenage girl will not be without her cell phone, TRUST ME!!!

One last thing: Remember you are her parent, NOT her friend.

Good Luck!!!!

mitch
01-03-2007, 10:29 AM
LMAO!! Do parents really do this?!?!?! It all makes SOOOO much sense now!!

You mean I'm not the only one who's done this? Da#n it, thought I invented it:D

IMHO -for this infraction (and based on her age and previous track record), it's better than revoking and then tracking her vehicle

RexDog1
01-03-2007, 10:47 AM
Mag

Trust with your daughter is so important, it sounds like this is the first time
You have had an issue? Keep an eye on the facebook, with her knowing you are going to look time to time, be honest with her and see of she will be honest with you? Also when you look at the facebook look at all her friend’s facebook pages
You can learn a lot…….. It sounds like you know this

I would “take away car privileges except for work and school” like you said
Let her know how furiousyou are with her………….
maybe on Saturday she needs to Wax the boat with you…………….8p :cool:

Monte
01-03-2007, 10:48 AM
If you let this go unchallenged she will think she got away with one and will do it again.
Good Luck!!!!

I agree, and to add.. frequency breeds severity.. IMHO

dmayer84
01-03-2007, 10:53 AM
My dad would always just drop some hints that he knew I did something else other than what I told him, but he would never just come out and say something. It made me aware that he knew what I was doing and I think it was the best way.

Sodar
01-03-2007, 10:59 AM
My dad would always just drop some hints that he knew I did something else other than what I told him, but he would never just come out and say something. It made me aware that he knew what I was doing and I think it was the best way.

To be honest, this is the best statement said yet in this thread! My dad ALWAYS took this approach and it worked so well it was ridiculous. I think it is different for guys too... at least for me it is. I have always grow up, looking up to my dad and always strive for his approval with every move I make. To know that he was deeply disappointed with me, was worse than any punishment or restriction they could ever put on me.

jrhollow
01-03-2007, 10:59 AM
If you tell her you found out from a friend of yours you are doing the same thing she did....Lie. What happens if she takes a page out of your book and comes on TT to see what you have been up to and finds this post?

Sodar
01-03-2007, 11:01 AM
Doubled Up!

Leroy
01-03-2007, 11:13 AM
Oh the joys huh Mag! I have an 18 and 16. The 16 hasn't had any problems yet that we have heard about and the 18 has had a few incidents. I have never punished him for any of it, just talked with him about what happened and try to understand if he thinks he did the right choice and what is he going to do next. Like it or not they are on the verge of leaving the nest and best they get some training from us before they are totally out of our control, at least until they need money again! He is opening up more and telliing us at least some of what is going on, we knew there was beer and girls at their NY party and he promised to stay put.

I remember my dad doing something similar when he found 5 - 1/2 pint bottles of whiskey. He had them out on the couch and I freaked when I saw them, but he just talked to me and told me drinking and driving don't mix, etc. No punishment, but I learned a lot from that!

JKTX21
01-03-2007, 11:37 AM
I've been out of the house for about 6 years now and I know when my parents tried to punish me, it mainly pissed me off, and I tended to do whatever I wanted to. Not to say that I was a major heathen either. I personally would respond more to being pulled aside and spoken to, you know where she was and you don't appreciate being lied to, and maybe leave it at that.

milkmania
01-03-2007, 11:46 AM
I hear you......but as a parent I can't just sit by and pretend I don't know. BTW........as a minor you have NO Rights! You are My responsibility! As far as how I found out........I know a lot of people in the Auto industry....as far as she would know I ran into a buddy of mine that told me a funny story about some kid that locked her keys in her car.......she'll never know how I actually found out.;)

just say "I had you followed New Year's Eve" and then ask "Is there anything you want to talk about"


she'll open right up!:uglyhamme


but seriously, don't know what I'd do until I am faced with the situation (11 year old daguhter)
I would think the main thing would be to let her know you are there for her. Unconditionally

milkmania
01-03-2007, 11:53 AM
almost forgot.....

How long has she been living with your ex-wife? prior to moving in with you...
Is it possible that she's learned that deception works from your ex?

if that'd be the case, it needs to be established that you won't tolerate deception:mad:

good luck:cool:

milkmania
01-03-2007, 11:56 AM
Instead of a GPS for the car, I would suggest a cell phone with GPS.


I checked into this awhile back.... very limited coverage for my area:(

RexDog1
01-03-2007, 12:00 PM
I have a good friend who is a High school teacher who telling me they have
2 people who look at the kid’s myspace pages, to see what is going on at the school?
They have caught kids in photos smoking pot, footballs players drinking at party’s photos, who got kicked off the team………. I don’t know how I feel about this???
On one side how far to you take big brother??? On the other side, if the parents do there job, the school would not need to?
Just be honest with your kids… they should be honest back?

If not??? Bodydrop

Harvey
01-03-2007, 12:05 PM
The way I have handled it was to just come out and say do you want to tell me where you really were? Give them the opportunity to fess up and I tell them that the punishment for telling the truth will not be as severe as telling me another lie.

If you let this go unchallenged she will think she got away with one and will do it again.

One last thing: Remember you are her parent, NOT her friend.

Good Luck!!!!

This is exactly what my dad would do. I would fess up because he would make my life a living hell if I told another lie. My dad gave me the freedom to make my own choices but if I got lucky to get away with say drinking at 17, but furthered my situation by doing something really stupid like driving he would supplement the consequences for me. Ever mowed the lawn at sunrise with 1 hour of sleep still drunk from the night before? I have. If I lied to him a second time about the situation then I didn't just get to mow the lawn and do yard work at dawn he would take away something really important to me. His punishment fit the crime, but lying about it made the punishment so much worse. Remember she is almost an "adult" and you can force her into trying to be an adult (I wouldn't recommend this) or you can show her what it really means to be an adult (real consequences, etc.). Oh and don't give up your source that way you can get further info in the future if you need it.

Ric
01-03-2007, 12:06 PM
Ric is currently taking notes!

RexDog1
01-03-2007, 12:08 PM
Ric is currently taking notes!

What are you on a time out? :confused:

Sodar
01-03-2007, 12:11 PM
Ric is currently taking notes!
Me too!

I had no idea parents' actions were so premeditated! I thought everything was handled like my mom handled it... she found out, yelled at ya and grounded ya... end of story!

trickskier
01-03-2007, 12:17 PM
I've been out of the house for about 6 years now and I know when my parents tried to punish me, it mainly pissed me off, and I tended to do whatever I wanted to. Not to say that I was a major heathen either. I personally would respond more to being pulled aside and spoken to, you know where she was and you don't appreciate being lied to, and maybe leave it at that.
Don't forget we were your age once. And I felt the same way when my parents punished me. Looking back, I was wrong and my parents were usually reasonable with their punishment.

You only have 1 shot at raising your children. If you love them, you teach them right from wrong, and disciplinary action will be necessary from time to time. If you do nothing, you don't truly love them.

This is more about honesty and being able to put your trust in you daughter or son. As with any violation (lying, speeding, underage drinking) there needs to be some type of disciplinary action or things can get totally out of hand.

Your views will change as you get older and have a family of your own. MINE DID!!!!

Jesus_Freak
01-03-2007, 12:18 PM
This is exactly what my dad would do. I would fess up because he would make my life a living hell if I told another lie....(clipped)

This is good stuff. I tend to follow this approach, but you gave me some more ideas :D .

phecksel
01-03-2007, 12:25 PM
With a 15 and 14 yo girl, I can empathize, and be frightened.

Personally, I would give her the opportunity to come clean. Don't forget the 3x? rule. It takes a minimum of asking the same question three times to get the right answer. You're disappointed and that needs to be expressed. If it happens again, then XXX will happen. In my opinion, this is where most parents fail. It has to be realistic, it has to be personal, and it HAS TO HAPPEN. Also, the punishment must, must, must change. It's to easy to fall into a trap of the same ole, and the kids will actually expect and accept the punishment.

WRT privacy, OH HE!! NO. It's my house, you're a minor, and I'm responsible and accountable for everything you do. I have the kids email password, myspace password, and strictly control computer access.

Difference for some of us "more experienced" types, is the world is a considerably different place today. SDT's are far more dangerous, "mickies" are too prevalent, and there's a far greater acceptance of inappropriate sxxual behavior at a considerably younger age. Last year, one of the middle schools had FOUR pregnant SIXTH GRADERS.

Jesus_Freak
01-03-2007, 12:30 PM
Not only are there many knowledgeable and friendly people here, but many are wonderful, concerned, and dedicated parents also. Amazing.

Sodar
01-03-2007, 12:32 PM
... and there's a far greater acceptance of inappropriate sxxual behavior at a considerably younger age. Last year, one of the middle schools had FOUR pregnant SIXTH GRADERS.

Ain't this the truth... I read yesterday that 42% of girls aged 11-15 have engaged in oral sex. THAT IS FREAKING SCARY!! I must have been a loser, cause I did not even kiss a girl until I was 16 I think!! :o :confused: :(

kycat2007
01-03-2007, 12:38 PM
Mag, I think you just tell her that you got wind of her being somewhere where she wasn't supposed to be. Tell her you love her and that it is a scary place out there. Tell her you would rather her tell you where she is going than be missing in Aruba. She does not have free reign and she will be 18 soon but you are entitled to know where whe is because you love her and she lives with you. Tell her that she can do her own thing when she is out of your house for good but as long as she lives under your roof then you have some say so on where she can and can't go.

I saw a Hogan Knows Best episode and it was very similar. Brook wandered off and Hulk told her that he loved her and was scared she might go missing or get killed. He told her to be truthful and understand it was for her protection. That guy is pretty protective.

trickskier
01-03-2007, 12:46 PM
Mag, I think you just tell her that you got wind of her being somewhere where she wasn't supposed to be. Tell her you love her and that it is a scary place out there. Tell her you would rather her tell you where she is going than be missing in Aruba. She does not have free reign and she will be 18 soon but you are entitled to know where whe is because you love her and she lives with you. Tell her that she can do her own thing when she is out of your house for good but as long as she lives under your roof then you have some say so on where she can and can't go.

I saw a Hogan Knows Best episode and it was very similar. Brook wandered off and Hulk told her that he loved her and was scared she might go missing or get killed. He told her to be truthful and understand it was for her protection. That guy is pretty protective.
Very Good Advice KY......Except that part about Hulk Hogan. I met him once, what an EGOTISTICAL JERK!!!!

Ric
01-03-2007, 12:47 PM
What are you on a time out? :confused: just watching you folks with the 16-18 y/o kids because mainly I'd just use the red wing approach if I hadn't read other viewpoints by the time mine are that age:mad:

Harvey
01-03-2007, 12:50 PM
This is good stuff. I tend to follow this approach, but you gave me some more ideas :D .

Directed at your kid/s, "I would like to apoligize to you for ideas I gave your father. In addition I would also like to add that if you didn't screw up he wouldn't be making you do what I suggested! Oh by the way, the mower is over there!" :D

JKTX21
01-03-2007, 12:52 PM
Your views will change as you get older and have a family of your own. MINE DID!!!!

Very good point, I think I will probably be just like my parents if/when I have kids. God help me if I have any girls.

Mag_Red
01-03-2007, 12:55 PM
Having 2 daughters about the same age, I think I would bring it up by mentioning the locksmith connection, see if she spills her guts. How much she tells, would depend on the punishment.

As far as the facebook goes, I thought this was for college students only that have .edu email addresses. I know my older daughter has an account and I tried to check it out and couldn't because you need to have an account to view anything. Mag, do you have a myspace page?Sure do, but just so I could monitor what was being posted there.

Mag_Red
01-03-2007, 12:56 PM
Unless maybe she checks your computer history and sees what you have seen AND then happens to look here.....:eek:I clear the history every evening

dmayer84
01-03-2007, 12:59 PM
If they know what they are doing they can lock it down so that only approved friends can see what they have listed. This is how I have everything set up on sites like this. I did it because a lot of employers will now go and search these things too before hiring someone. If its locked down, all they can see is your profile picture.

etakk7
01-03-2007, 01:01 PM
Mag, I think you just tell her that you got wind of her being somewhere where she wasn't supposed to be. Tell her you love her and that it is a scary place out there. Tell her you would rather her tell you where she is going than be missing in Aruba. She does not have free reign and she will be 18 soon but you are entitled to know where whe is because you love her and she lives with you. Tell her that she can do her own thing when she is out of your house for good but as long as she lives under your roof then you have some say so on where she can and can't go.

I saw a Hogan Knows Best episode and it was very similar. Brook wandered off and Hulk told her that he loved her and was scared she might go missing or get killed. He told her to be truthful and understand it was for her protection. That guy is pretty protective.

Yeah he sure seems protective in the show, but I think that is all a charade. Look at Brooke's music video. She looks like a complete whore.

Between all the "women" of the WWE and Brooke's music career, it seems if it will make the Hulkster a buck he's fine with it.

Mag_Red
01-03-2007, 01:04 PM
Mag

Are you positive she deceived you about her location or did the plans possibly change? If the plans changed she was to tell me....the last thing I told her is no drinking and driving

If she did lie I think at 17-1/2 you'll piss her off more than teach her a lesson by taking away her car. I think you have a frank conversation with her. Tell her about trust and what trust entails, how it is broken and how it is redeemed. Tell her that trust must be maintained. Taking her car away seems like you want to strike back at her for deceiving you. JMO We had the trust conversation when I caught her trying to skip out of school.......I believe that incident was posted here

Kids do get pissed as Sodar said if they find out you are snooping on thier sites. This too is viewed as lack of trust {b] see above statement.......she already lost my trust . I have every right as a parent to see what she is doing if she doesn't tell me the truth. Since when did kids get rights?? It's my car, my $$$ paying the insurance, she is still under my roof. so I think it would be nothing but detrimental to bring up "how" you found out. Just my 2C.

When I was 17 we used to drink beer by the case and blow up **** so what you have is a giggly 17 year old and frankly it scares the hell out of you. Am I right? nope......I have 17 year old daughter that is lying to her father ad doing things that are illegal and could finacially afect me should something happen.

My Daughter is 21 driving around a vehicle I own and it scares the hell out of me, so I can empathize.

BOL - Steve[/B]Geez Steve......you must be a real cupcake when it comes to your kids:D

Mag_Red
01-03-2007, 01:07 PM
Mag, I have a 17 year old daughter as well. Very simular to yours in that for the most part she's a good teen and is an honor student. When she wants to spend the night out with a friend we require her to call from the home phone so that it shows up on caller ID. We also speak to the parents (even if they're not going to be home) to make sure they know she is spending the night and what her curfew is. I'm not saying that this is 100% effective but it is a deterrent.

I have caught her and my 14 year old son in a few "White Lies" at times. The way I have handled it was to just come out and say do you want to tell me where you really were? Give them the opportunity to fess up and I tell them that the punishment for telling the truth will not be as severe as telling me another lie.

If you let this go unchallenged she will think she got away with one and will do it again. I had my daughter and 6 of her friends on my boat this weekend and the things they were saying about lying to their parents absolutely shocked me! I guess they thought I wasn't listening.

Instead of a GPS for the car, I would suggest a cell phone with GPS. A teenage girl will not be without her cell phone, TRUST ME!!!

One last thing: Remember you are her parent, NOT her friend.

Good Luck!!!!We think a lot alike !;)

Mag_Red
01-03-2007, 01:10 PM
If you tell her you found out from a friend of yours you are doing the same thing she did....Lie. What happens if she takes a page out of your book and comes on TT to see what you have been up to and finds this post?I wish that would happen...sure would be easier. I have no problem if she saw anything I was doing on the computer.........I'm not checking out porn sites or anything I would be embarressed about. I would never want my kid to be embarressed by anything I do.

bigmac
01-03-2007, 01:18 PM
As some of you may remember, my teenage daughter decided to move in with me a few months ago. She is for the most part a very good teen age girl......maintains good grades in school.....works two part time jobs.....isn't excessively boy crazy...... has a good circle of friends......does most of what I ask of her around the house with out protesting too much. Here's the problem..........

New Year's Eve she told me she was going to a school friend's house (female) to attend a party. I knew the parents probably wouldn't be home. I told her I didn't want her to travel anywhere as I suspected there would be beer at the party. ( I remember what it was like when I was her age 17 1/2) She called at mid-night to wish me a Happy New Years and assured me she was OK......and at her friend's house.

Well I have come to find that wasn't exactly the truth. Seems I was able to get a profile on a site called facebook......the new "My Space" for kids. After snooping around the site, I find a post from her best friend saying how funny it was when my daughter looked her keys in her car at a party in Covington Ky. They had to call a lock smith to get the keys. This party was no where near where she said she would be.

I am furious to say the least!:mad: My inclination is to take away car priveleges except for work and school and to ground her from any actives except these two. What would you do???LOL. This is a fast-moving thread...

I've been there where you are. My wife and I always wanted to be careful about making parenting decisions while angry. THAT is always counterproductive. We also always wanted to be sure that the punishment was relative to the crime. I can guarantee you if you get too draconian in your punishment or do a lot of ranting about the incident, you won't necessarily keep her from doing it in the future, you'll just make her more careful and clever in her attempts to fool you.

If my son or daughter had done what your daughter did and we found out about it, we'd have confronted him/her and asked for an explanation. We would not have explained in any way how we found out (certainly not lie about it, just not explain) and let them know we expected full disclosure. It would have been a rational discussion. The kid would come clean, we'd nod and express disappointment and impose an appropriate punishment. In this case, depending on extenuating circumstances, grounded for 2 weeks, plus or minus, plus a careful and detailed explanation about what would happen the next time. We wouldn't take the car away because the car isn't the problem (if driving after drinking were the issue, then the car WOULD be gone), TRUST and honest is the problem.

Jesus_Freak
01-03-2007, 02:37 PM
Directed at your kid/s, "I would like to apoligize to you for ideas I gave your father. In addition I would also like to add that if you didn't screw up he wouldn't be making you do what I suggested! Oh by the way, the mower is over there!" :D

Excellent! Very funny. When I think my boys are responsible enough to handle the TMC addiction, I will show them your post.

Jesus_Freak
01-03-2007, 02:40 PM
We wouldn't take the car away because the car isn't the problem (if driving after drinking were the issue, then the car WOULD be gone), TRUST and honest is the problem.

Yes, great point and wisdom. But...the vehicle provides the power play when the lincoln logs no longer work. :)

milkmania
01-03-2007, 02:46 PM
Ain't this the truth... I read yesterday that 42% of girls aged 11-15 have engaged in oral sex. THAT IS FREAKING SCARY!! I must have been a loser, cause I did not even kiss a girl until I was 16 I think!! :o :confused: :(

never went for the "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" stuff behind the barn, eh?

maristarman
01-03-2007, 02:48 PM
....I can guarantee you if you get too draconian in your punishment or do a lot of ranting about the incident, you won't necessarily keep her from doing it in the future, you'll just make her more careful and clever in her attempts to fool you.



I've got two 16 year old daughters myself, and it's been very interesting reading everyones replies.

I've seen a lot of responses about Mag having a tempered response because this is a "first offense".

The problem with that logic is, just because this is the first time he has caught his daughter lying, doesn't mean this is the first time she's done it.

BigMac says that maybe she'll be more careful and clever in her attempts.

Maybe she has been more careful and clever in the past, and this was a slip up. Thats the problem when you start dealing with lying, and trust issues. What do you believe?

As parents we all want to trust our kids and think (hope?) they are far better people than we ever were. Thats not reality. They're human.

We had an issue with one of our girls a few years ago when she was 14.

Our response was to focus on the trust aspect of it, and to let her know that we didn't feel like we could trust her, and that we didn't know what other things she lied to us about.

We didn't yell and scream, but we let her know that we were really disappointed (we have always told our kids from the time they were knee high to a grasshopper that we never expected them to be perfect, but we expected them to be honest) and that she would need to re-earn our trust,and that it would take time to do it.

We've got a "blended family" situation so it's never easy being the "mean parents", but at the end of the day it's very important to us that our kids learn right from wrong, learn to be responsible for their actions, and learn that there are consequences for bad decisions.

In the short term they'll probably resent us, but hopefully when they're grown and raising their own kids they'll realize that we did what we did because we love them.

I wish you luck Mag, I know it ain't easy.

milkmania
01-03-2007, 02:53 PM
In the short term they'll probably resent us, but hopefully when they're grown and raising their own kids they'll realize that we did what we did because we love them.

yeah, I'd have rather had a family that gave a ****!

Workin' 4 Toys
01-03-2007, 03:07 PM
never went for the "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" stuff behind the barn, eh?
D4MN milk you just gave me flashbacks....:purplaugh

BIGBADBLUE
01-03-2007, 03:07 PM
Man, you join TT to learn more about MC's, but there is much more to this forum. I have an 11 year old daughter and it scares me to death about what she might do. This is a great thread for younger parents to learn from others. I have nothing to add as my kids are younger but very interested in reading for future use.

Harvey
01-03-2007, 03:12 PM
My dad got wiser as he got older as well. The first time my little brother and I lied to him I was about 12 and he took the two of us up to the woodshed and taught us how to build a paddle. He laid out the design while our punishment was to build it. He told us the next time we lied he would use it. We really only lied to him one more time. He used the paddle and from then on we knew he meant business. Once they get to about driving age, 15 or so, you really can't paddle a kid anymore. Sometimes they are bigger than you.

At that point my dad would use manual labor as general punishment. He would even enlist other people to help. If he felt like my offense was worth more than mowing the lawn at dawn he would ask the neighbors if they needed their lawns mowed, etc. However, if I lied to him he would prohibit me from something I put value in. I was never grounded as a kid but I did lose my bike and the ability to play soccer competitively, both things I valued highly, a couple times because I lied. If your kid values something highly that is where you "have them by the balls". The auto is tough though, if you take it away guess who has to take them places? You now just became the shoufer (sp?)again.

Jesus_Freak
01-03-2007, 03:17 PM
The first time my little brother and I lied to him I was about 12 and he took the two of us up to the woodshed and taught us how to build a paddle. He laid out the design while our punishment was to build it. He told us the next time we lied he would use it.

Priceless!

The auto is tough though, if you take it away guess who has to take them places?

Yep. What if they just find a ride with someone else....someone who doesnt belong behind the wheel of a car (like 85% of the drivers in TN).

milkmania
01-03-2007, 03:21 PM
D4MN milk you just gave me flashbacks....:purplaugh



ahhhhhh, the mammories:love:

Gixxer
01-03-2007, 04:28 PM
Just tell her that some locksmith called looking for her and ask her what thats all about...

east tx skier
01-03-2007, 04:51 PM
Me too!



Me, three. Some really good advice here. Just remember, Mag. If you play the facebook card, you'll have to find another way to get your info in the future. If you make up a story about how you found out, you lying while busting her for lying. Don't let it go. No way. But play various scenarios out to their ends so nothing comes back to bite you.

What's the kid say in the old commercial? "I learned it from you, Dad!"

Why does she get to know how you found out anyway. You're Dad. You know all.

Back to taking notes.

Mag_Red
01-03-2007, 04:52 PM
Good replies and a lively discussion so far. She would have to have strept throat today:( Hate to kick a kid when they are down.....but I assure you...her time is drawing near

yzwiley
01-03-2007, 04:57 PM
Let it roll. She's okay and you're okay. In five years she'll probably tell you about it and you can say "I know" where you both will be laughing about it. The confrontation is most likely not worth it.

Ten bucks says she's already read this thread and knows that you know.

jbfootin
01-03-2007, 06:01 PM
I am reading this and on one hand I am so happy that with my 3 children (ages 5,2,and 11mo.) the worst things they do to pi$$ me off is leave a dinasour in the hall way for me to step on in the middle of the night or $hit in the bath tub. On the other hand I am scared of what the futer holds for me as these little monsters grow up.:cool:

Ric
01-03-2007, 07:08 PM
Good replies and a lively discussion so far. She would have to have strept throat today:( Hate to kick a kid when they are down.....but I assure you...her time is drawing near :popcorn: .

Bruce
01-03-2007, 07:38 PM
"When in wonder, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout!"
That is probably the only thing not suggested so far. Lots of great input and of course some off the wall stuff.
I can see the change in your outlook from the first time you posted to the last. You've vented, calmed down, and become objective. That's a good thing. I am glad this board was here for you. That too is a good thing.
Now pick out the suggestions that are the closest to who YOU are and go forward. You WILL make the right decision! (doesn't hurt to pray about it either)

Leroy
01-03-2007, 08:14 PM
I think Daddy is wrapped around her finger!

Just like all of us dads of all of these cute little daughters!

Good replies and a lively discussion so far. She would have to have strept throat today:( Hate to kick a kid when they are down.....but I assure you...her time is drawing near

Slinkyredfoot
01-03-2007, 08:23 PM
I think Daddy is wrapped around her finger!

Just like all of us dads of all of these cute little daughters!

You got that right Leroy, aren't we a bunch of real tuff dads, yea right
We love them to pieces and you learn to forgive and forget

JEREMY79
01-03-2007, 08:45 PM
I cant tell you what to do, but good luck with whatever you decide.

When ever we (my cousin and I lived next door and are 3 months apart) got caught in a lie about drinking or partying, we had to pick up rocks. Yep-rocks. Out of the field. That sucks too when your head hurts from partying. Then when we got them picked up, they (parents) would just dump them back out.:mad:

long story short.....I learned to tell the truth

Leroy
01-03-2007, 09:15 PM
So this is all it takes?

I cant tell you what to do, but good luck with whatever you decide.

When ever we (my cousin and I lived next door and are 3 months apart) got caught in a lie about drinking or partying, we had to pick up rocks. Yep-rocks. Out of the field. That sucks too when your head hurts from partying. Then when we got them picked up, they (parents) would just dump them back out.:mad:

long story short.....I learned to tell the truth

JEREMY79
01-03-2007, 09:20 PM
time after time after time after time......practice makes perfect

kurtr
01-03-2007, 09:22 PM
Just like your kids know what buttons to push and how hard, you will need to determine what buttons to push on them and how hard. What works on one child can cause their sibling to laugh in your face. One of my friends said that the problem with kids now is that there is not enough wood piles to move. When we grew up it seems that we spent a lot of time moving and stacking firewood piles in various parts of the yard.

DrNautica
01-03-2007, 11:06 PM
....as far as she would know I ran into a buddy of mine that told me a funny story about some kid that locked her keys in her car.......she'll never know how I actually found out.;)



Unless she checks you out on tmcowners.com. :D

I have to agree that the lack of honesty is the worst offense in this case and should be dealt with. But don't add to that dishonesty by not telling her how you found out.

Honesty is Honesty whether its hers or yours.

PendO
01-03-2007, 11:19 PM
if she finds out you were/are spying (parental monitoring) on her it will not be good ... just comes down to whether it is worth it to you or not ... what I would do, post a message on the board where you read the comment, and then type up something like "imagine if her dad knew the real story" and post it on the blog (pretending to be some anonomous 3rd party) and see if guilt sends her your way:)

If she comes clean I would never admit to the spying ... never, ever "it wasn't me" (just like the song)

phecksel
01-04-2007, 12:05 AM
Ain't this the truth... I read yesterday that 42% of girls aged 11-15 have engaged in oral sex. THAT IS FREAKING SCARY!! I must have been a loser, cause I did not even kiss a girl until I was 16 I think!! :o :confused: :(
It is very scary.

milkmania
01-04-2007, 12:11 AM
when my youngest niece was born a few years ago

In the maternity ward, the nurses were giving one of the patients a lot more attention than they were giving my sister in law.........

the other patient was 11http://oklahomaforums.com/Smileys/default/42.gif

phecksel
01-04-2007, 12:12 AM
Man, you join TT to learn more about MC's, but there is much more to this forum. I have an 11 year old daughter and it scares me to death about what she might do. This is a great thread for younger parents to learn from others. I have nothing to add as my kids are younger but very interested in reading for future use.
Read post 39 again. We had a wakeup call from a friend that's a 7th grade teacher when the oldest was in 6th grade. It was note she had intercepted from a couple of 7th grade girls exchanging BJ techniques. We took a much more proactive approach, and so far it's been successful.

Leroy
01-04-2007, 12:21 AM
In the spirit of healthy discussion, you have a point, but I'm not sure it matters to the kids when they are "busted". Particularily in this case it was posted on the internet, parents certainly should not close their eyes. Spying, I'll call it todays parenting with cell phones, internet, etc, is better than cops showing up at 4:30 in the morning.....trust me! Kids still respond to "I'm the parent" response......


if she finds out you were/are spying (parental monitoring) on her it will not be good ... just comes down to whether it is worth it to you or not ... what I would do, post a message on the board where you read the comment, and then type up something like "imagine if her dad knew the real story" and post it on the blog (pretending to be some anonomous 3rd party) and see if guilt sends her your way:)

If she comes clean I would never admit to the spying ... never, ever "it wasn't me" (just like the song)

Leroy
01-04-2007, 12:29 AM
I was talking with a lady in Memphis on the hotel staff while we were at a soccer tournament in December and she was saying it was so sad, she went to the local school homecoming and 3 of the cheerleaders were pregnant!

On a similar note, during the championship game with the Indiana state football champions Warren Central (incredible football team), they kept showing pictures of babies during the game in Warren colors and turns out they were all player kids. Four to five of the players have kids, in high school......

Sorry, not to scare you Mag!

when my youngest niece was born a few years ago

In the maternity ward, the nurses were giving one of the patients a lot more attention than they were giving my sister in law.........

the other patient was 11http://oklahomaforums.com/Smileys/default/42.gif

PendO
01-04-2007, 12:58 AM
In the spirit of healthy discussion, you have a point, but I'm not sure it matters to the kids when they are "busted". Particularily in this case it was posted on the internet, parents certainly should not close their eyes. Spying, I'll call it todays parenting with cell phones, internet, etc, is better than cops showing up at 4:30 in the morning.....trust me! Kids still respond to "I'm the parent" response......


Leroy, you're right, but if he blows the cover of his source then is it worth it this time, esp. since she is almost 18, just moved back in ... you guys have a ton more parenting experience than I do, but I can imagine my sister at 17.5 and something like this could have just made her more adamant about keeping her secrets and less likely to ask for help (a ride home from a party) if she really needed it... me, on the other hand, understood that so long as I was living at home I did not have the same right to privacy, if they wanted to know where I was at I told them, if I had lied and got caught I'd have just faced the music ... my wife is alreay concerned with how I intend to keep tabs on our kids, but if I find a good souce will try to use the information but not reveal the source.

Leroy
01-04-2007, 01:08 AM
Pendo; I think we are on the same line of thinking, Agree, every kid is different. Even at 17, remember the picture Man on/off switch, woman has complicated flow chart! So far I have only dealt with my sons in these situations and direct anything goes communication works so far. Knowing my 11 yr old daughter I already understand a little :)

jlf
01-04-2007, 09:00 AM
Awe come one guys we were all there once in our lives, you never told your parents a lie as a kid. Heck I used to do it to my Mom all the time, I think it is a written rule you have to try to get away with it. Mag you can punish her all you want, she'll do it again if she wants to. I was the same way, good kid, good grades, didn't really get into much trouble (at least I never got caught). The worst I did was drink. My Mother trusted that when we drank, we weren't driving around. It sucks she lied, but maybe you need more information. Maybe she was at the friends house and someone was going to leave that shouldn't have been driving and your daughter volunteered to drive them somewhere? I'm not saying it is right, I'm just saying most kids will do the same thing at that age. If she has a good head on her shoulders, which you seem confident she does then honestly I wouldn't worry about it. We all grow out of it at some point in our lives, I turned 21 and drinking wasn't fun anymore so instead of being all I did, it became something I did only on occasion. We all turned out okay. You may want to mention it to her that you found out she wasn't were she was supposed to be and that you are really dissappointed that she couldn't have been honest with you. Some times just staying cool and sort of putting the guilt trip on is all it takes. If she told you where she was going, would you have cared? If you wouldn't have cared then I'd just let her know how dissappointed in her you are.

Just my two cents, I know as a kid, I played that game a lot. I got caught a lot too. We all grow up.

Jesus_Freak
01-04-2007, 09:32 AM
(doesn't hurt to pray about it either)

Absolutely!

Workin' 4 Toys
01-04-2007, 10:17 AM
So, what's up Mag, what was the "real" story? Did you find out?

PendO
01-04-2007, 01:54 PM
I'll say this about kids and alcohol, or even adults and alcohol, my dad and I were broadsided riding his motorcycle home from our cabin in 1992 ... luckily he was on the throttle enough to get the front wheel past the passenger side bumper of the truck trying to turn left as we approached on a hwy going 60mph ... I have a scar from the GM bumper being stamped onto my foreleg, and walked away with road rash and a broken foot, he had to have his heel grafted back on ... kids, drinking and driving (were the cause) ...kids will be kids (and lie to their parents) but if mine ever drinks and drives as a minor she/he will be looking to get emancipated or enjoying permanent grounding.

/// edit, did not really walk away, spent a week in the hospital

Awe come one guys we were all there once in our lives, you never told your parents a lie as a kid. Heck I used to do it to my Mom all the time, I think it is a written rule you have to try to get away with it. Mag you can punish her all you want, she'll do it again if she wants to. I was the same way, good kid, good grades, didn't really get into much trouble (at least I never got caught). The worst I did was drink. My Mother trusted that when we drank, we weren't driving around. It sucks she lied, but maybe you need more information. Maybe she was at the friends house and someone was going to leave that shouldn't have been driving and your daughter volunteered to drive them somewhere? I'm not saying it is right, I'm just saying most kids will do the same thing at that age. If she has a good head on her shoulders, which you seem confident she does then honestly I wouldn't worry about it. We all grow out of it at some point in our lives, I turned 21 and drinking wasn't fun anymore so instead of being all I did, it became something I did only on occasion. We all turned out okay. You may want to mention it to her that you found out she wasn't were she was supposed to be and that you are really dissappointed that she couldn't have been honest with you. Some times just staying cool and sort of putting the guilt trip on is all it takes. If she told you where she was going, would you have cared? If you wouldn't have cared then I'd just let her know how dissappointed in her you are.

Just my two cents, I know as a kid, I played that game a lot. I got caught a lot too. We all grow up.

Ric
01-04-2007, 02:11 PM
removed so as to not appear distasteful and uncaring.

My apologies

Dan K
01-04-2007, 02:22 PM
Mag,
I have two daughters the oldest is your daughters age, as most have said here, punishment is a delicate item especially with girls. I monitor most of my kids activities pretty closely and little of it they are aware of. I see this as a parent responsibility and never reveal a source of information. If I was dealing with your situation the biggest violation was the lie. I would let her know how dissapointed I was about her dishonesty and ask her to suggest an appropriate punishment. I am very close to my girls and I know that they are punished just by knowing that they didn't live up to my expectation of them. I would still curtail activites so as to not reinforce bad behavior.

Jesus_Freak
01-04-2007, 02:32 PM
Edit....total brain freeze on recent events....SORRY!!!

jlf
01-05-2007, 10:16 AM
I wasn't trying to imply the behavior go unpunished, I am saying at that age didn't we all do the same thing? I also said is it possible that the daughter did the driving to a new party as to keep some friends who had too much to drink from driving. Maybe she had the good head on her shoulders and did the right thing drove her drunk friends to the new party otherwise they would've done it themselves. My point was before punishement be implemented maybe some more information is needed to why she wasn't where she said she was going to be.

Also keep in mind, we've all been there (at least I bet most of us anyway). A kid with a good head on their shoulders and smart is still going to get into trouble, no kid is perfect. I got into plenty of trouble and I am just fine (in my opinion anyway).

Workin' 4 Toys
01-05-2007, 10:47 AM
I am saying at that age didn't we all do the same thing?
PARTY..PARTY..PARTY..study.. PARTY..PARTY..PARTY..(There I think I hit all 7 days of the week pretty good from school;) )
And there were no cell phones at the time...:o so I don't really recall checking in.....

RexDog1
01-05-2007, 11:13 AM
When I was age 17-23 I think we all “party” and the only thing that kept me
Alive was my friend’s…….when someone was getting out of line we all would
Kick them back into line…..
IMO my parents did a very good job with all their kids
To this day I can’t look at a hot wheel track with out thinking about my mom chasing me around the house to hit me when I “F” up as a kid
They were very honest with me, I knew the line…
And could talk to them about anything sex, drugs………..
I hope my kids will do the same…….

But it was my group of friends that helped me the most when I got 18+

trickskier
01-05-2007, 11:26 AM
But it was my group of friends that helped me the most when I got 18+

You hit the NAIL on the HEAD Rex. I talk to my kids more about PEER PRESSURE than anything else. I've seen so many of my kids friends do something stupid because of it. And as you know it's usually the one who initiates it that usually does not get caught.

pilot02
01-05-2007, 01:16 PM
How'd it go Mag??

Scot
01-05-2007, 05:42 PM
[QUOTE=Mag_Red]As some of you may remember, my teenage daughter decided to move in with me a few months ago. She is for the most part a very good teen age girl......maintains good grades in school.....works two part time jobs.....isn't excessively boy crazy...... has a good circle of friends......does most of what I ask of her around the house with out protesting too much. Here's the problem..........]

"Bad things" can still happen to good people which is what you need to bring to light with your girl. By going outside her territory, especially on New Years eve, increased her chances of something happening that she did not plan for. I would absolutlely let her know that you know she wasn't where she was suppose to be.

I would then sit down with her, remain calm, and look to the future. Let her realize that in a matter of a few short months she will be out on her own, hopefully in college, and there will be plenty of times when she will be able to do things that she cannot do today. Things that you wont know about, and don't really care to know about. But that is not today. Let her know that what she did was unacceptable and she should be ashamed of herself, and that she really let you down. (Without calling her a liar). If you deserve that respect then say so. (If you have not earned her respect over the years, well then you've got other issues you need to work out)

Let what you say sink in and say no more, let her appologize, and you accept it. Then say that you don't expect this to ever happen again. I would not give her any indication of the punishment of "what if" it happens again or what you are going to do.... Just let her know that she won't like it.....

If you take her car from her, she will just become a passenger in someone elses car which is 10 times worse.

maristarman
01-05-2007, 06:07 PM
Also keep in mind, we've all been there (at least I bet most of us anyway). A kid with a good head on their shoulders and smart is still going to get into trouble, no kid is perfect. I got into plenty of trouble and I am just fine (in my opinion anyway).

I don't think anyone here is looking for perfection. Just honesty.

As someone who has definitely "been there", and who is now a parent I can tell you that nobody could ever be an effective parent if they relied on moral relativism to be the basis for their decisions.

I only know of one perfect person that ever walked the earth, and He got nailed to a cross. He didn't have to worry about where his teenage daughter(s) were late at night.

Regardless of how many mistakes we made when we were younger, its our parental responsibility to try and protect them when we can, and equip them to make wise and safe decisions when they're in situations where we can't protect them.

As a parent with driving age teenage daughters I don't want them out driving at night without me knowing about it. Just a few stats to think about:

Teenage drunk driving is the cause of one quarter of all motor vehicle accidents.

Motor vehicle accidents are the leading cause of death for people aged 15 to 20.

It is estimated that one teen is killed every hour in the United States because of teenage drunk driving.

slink976
01-05-2007, 06:36 PM
I hear you......but as a parent I can't just sit by and pretend I don't know. BTW........as a minor you have NO Rights! You are My responsibility! As far as how I found out........I know a lot of people in the Auto industry....as far as she would know I ran into a buddy of mine that told me a funny story about some kid that locked her keys in her car.......she'll never know how I actually found out.;)


Mag this is great have to put in my 2 cents though, one note I have not read all the way through this post so this may have been mentioned.

You are mad that she lied to you. You found out by tracking a conversation on facebook. You are going to tell her that you have a friend that unlocked the door for her.

So your mad that she lied and you are going to lie to her on how you found out?

other then that open communication and make her bust herself out. Now i am going to go back and read the rest of this post and see how way off I am! lol

Hoosier Bob
01-05-2007, 06:42 PM
I'll prepare a list of things I was doing at 17 for you Mag. After that you may want to take her to dinner and thank God she is your kid!:o

Mag_Red
01-05-2007, 07:22 PM
I'll prepare a list of things I was doing at 17 for you Mag. After that you may want to take her to dinner and thank God she is your kid!:oMake sure to post that list here Bob so we all can get a chuckle:purplaugh

Hoosier Bob
01-05-2007, 07:23 PM
You want pics?:confused:

Of course you could just advance to the age 41 and Mag Mania and you would still have good reason!:o

Leroy
01-05-2007, 08:35 PM
I was thinking earlier this would be funny to hear what each of us were doing at 17! Second thought maybe I don't want to know what you were doing HB!

I'll prepare a list of things I was doing at 17 for you Mag. After that you may want to take her to dinner and thank God she is your kid!:o

Hoosier Bob
01-05-2007, 08:37 PM
That reminds me of the end of "Tommy Boy!"

Heck I lost my virginity to your daughter for cripes sake! Leroy you were there!8p

suedv
01-05-2007, 09:23 PM
I think honesty with your daughter is important, but I don't think honesty means it is always necessary to tell kids everything. I would tell her you know what she did, but if you don't want her to know how you know, just say that you aren't going to tell her because this conversation is about her actions. In any case, don't lie to her.

Put the focus on HER behavior and how the choices SHE makes now will impact her future. I would make it her responsibility to do some of the thinking too. I found that when we just talk at our kids they tune it out. My kids didn't want to have to spend time thinking about what they did... it was too much work. However they learned from it.

For example, one time when one of my kids was caught drinking I required a 4 page research paper to be written with quotes and proper footnotes about the problems that alcohol can lead to. I also had them write about what they wanted to do with their life when they got older and how the choices they made now with drinking would fit in with that. I found that to be worthwhile.

I can tell you that is a very different approach than what my parents use with me. My dad was a minister and when I did things wrong in my teen years he would punish me and shake his finger in my face and say "don't do that, what do you think the people of the church will say?" That made me mad and really brought out the wild/ rebel side of me. I ignored his ranting and tried to give all the church folk something to talk about since that seemed to be what the wanted anyhow. He was focusing on his needs and how he looked rather than helping me act responsibly.

By the time your daughter is 17 going on 18 I think that rather than punishment, the focus has to be on helping her to develop skills for making good choices and developing skills to deal with peer pressure. I also think it is important to build good and open communication channels.

My kids weren't perfect and I'm sure I could have handled some things better with hind sight vision. However, they are nice young adults now and we have good relationships with our kids. Keep the commuication open and you should have the same thing.

Leroy
01-05-2007, 10:42 PM
This thread is great! It should be a book. Except delete HB's posts on here! :D He is embarrassing me :o

Ok, so what do you tell your 18 year old that decides at 12:30AM to spend the night at his friends house and leaves a message to that effect after saying he would be home at 1:00AM?

trickskier
01-05-2007, 10:44 PM
This thread is great! It should be a book. Except delete HB's posts on here! :D He is embarrassing me :o

Ok, so what do you tell your 18 year old that decides at 12:30AM to spend the night at his friends house and leaves a message to that effect after saying he would be home at 1:00AM?
Is the "FRIEND" Male or FEMALE??

Hoosier Bob
01-05-2007, 10:45 PM
Here we go again!:o

Leroy
01-05-2007, 10:50 PM
Now that's a question. :D It was ~4 guys, but past convictions make me think there are girls involved.

He dropped out of the life saving course in HS because he did not like another guy touching him and would definitely not do mouth to mouth.

Is the "FRIEND" Male or FEMALE??

trickskier
01-05-2007, 10:54 PM
Now that's a question. :D It was ~4 guys, but past convictions make me think there are girls involved.

He dropped out of the life saving course in HS because he did not like another guy touching him and would definitely not do mouth to mouth.
To be honest, my parents never had any problem with me spending the night with my girl friend.......:D Guess I was lucky in two respects....:D

Hoosier Bob
01-05-2007, 10:55 PM
Aren't you from Kentucky and didn't she live across the hall?8p

Sorry but I had to! Those that live in Kentucky can switch it to Indiana or Ohio!To be honest, my parents never had any problem with me spending the night with my girl friend.......:D Guess I was lucky in two respects....:D

Leroy
01-05-2007, 10:57 PM
You're similar age to me, I can only imagine how that would have went over at home during that era...not well! Lucky you!

trickskier
01-05-2007, 11:19 PM
Aren't you from Kentucky and didn't she live across the hall?8p

Sorry but I had to! Those that live in Kentucky can switch it to Indiana or Ohio!
Kentucky?????? And I thought we were friends!!!! Native FLORIDIAN!!! :D

Hoosier Bob
01-05-2007, 11:32 PM
I have seen some pretty rough trailer parks in Florida as well!8p

trickskier
01-05-2007, 11:34 PM
I have seen some pretty rough trailer parks in Florida as well!8p
They were all destroyed by Hurricane Wilma

milkmania
01-10-2007, 05:36 PM
Hey Bob,

Came across this and thought of you..................
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CzG_oHDLZdc



see! it could always be worse8p


DADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
IT'S THE WRONG COLOR

phecksel
01-10-2007, 06:29 PM
Hey Bob,

Came across this and thought of you..................
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CzG_oHDLZdc



see! it could always be worse8p


DADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
IT'S THE WRONG COLOR

ROFL, got what they raised!

Farmer Ted
01-10-2007, 06:48 PM
Hey Bob,

Came across this and thought of you..................
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CzG_oHDLZdc



see! it could always be worse8p


DADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
IT'S THE WRONG COLOR


I would have taken the car back and gotten her a blue bike.....

Sodar
01-10-2007, 06:54 PM
Hey Bob,

Came across this and thought of you..................
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CzG_oHDLZdc



see! it could always be worse8p


DADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
IT'S THE WRONG COLOR

What????, this is not a depiction of the real world? Seems to be pretty dead on around here! My best high school buddy got a F-250 4x4 on 37's with 15K miles on it for his 16th birthday... it was a maroon/redish color... he told his dad he wanted a grey truck... his dad had it painted for him... 6 months later... buddy takes it offroading and virtually RIPPED the front axle off... What showed up in his drive way 2 days later???? BRAND NEW F-250 Crew Cab Diesel... OUT OF CONTROL!

Maristar210
01-10-2007, 07:12 PM
"Daddy?"

Oh brother....:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

dmayer84
01-10-2007, 07:17 PM
Ive seen some of that around me, one girl that comes out on my boat alot was given an Audi S4 by her dad. She was pissed it wasn't an RS4. I started laughing when she told me and she got all upset, then I asked who payed her insurance, she stopped it real quick.

flyingskibiker
01-10-2007, 07:40 PM
did anyone watch the rest of her videos? she tried to make it sound as if she didn't do/say anything wrong. and now, she had a big decision to make because she "doesn't own anything red." she got the blue one and put the red one on ebay (supposedly) for $9.99!

Leroy
01-10-2007, 07:48 PM
Cameron; Do you still have the Mazda that you had when I was talking with you about my son's car? He is still rolling along in his ES300.

What????, this is not a depiction of the real world? Seems to be pretty dead on around here! My best high school buddy got a F-250 4x4 on 37's with 15K miles on it for his 16th birthday... it was a maroon/redish color... he told his dad he wanted a grey truck... his dad had it painted for him... 6 months later... buddy takes it offroading and virtually RIPPED the front axle off... What showed up in his drive way 2 days later???? BRAND NEW F-250 Crew Cab Diesel... OUT OF CONTROL!

Sodar
01-10-2007, 08:23 PM
Cameron; Do you still have the Mazda that you had when I was talking with you about my son's car? He is still rolling along in his ES300.
No, Mazada is far gone... It is still kicking away though, we gave it to our gardeners... still see her every week!!

Leroy
01-10-2007, 08:32 PM
Hmmm, and what do you have now? Tahoe?

No, Mazada is far gone... It is still kicking away though, we gave it to our gardeners... still see her every week!!

Mag_Red
01-10-2007, 09:29 PM
did anyone watch the rest of her videos? she tried to make it sound as if she didn't do/say anything wrong. and now, she had a big decision to make because she "doesn't own anything red." she got the blue one and put the red one on ebay (supposedly) for $9.99!That girl needs a good ars whoppin:D

Workin' 4 Toys
01-10-2007, 09:33 PM
What????, this is not a depiction of the real world? Seems to be pretty dead on around here! My best high school buddy got a F-250 4x4 on 37's with 15K miles on it for his 16th birthday... it was a maroon/redish color... he told his dad he wanted a grey truck... his dad had it painted for him... 6 months later... buddy takes it offroading and virtually RIPPED the front axle off... What showed up in his drive way 2 days later???? BRAND NEW F-250 Crew Cab Diesel... OUT OF CONTROL!
This kid used to show up on a regular basis to some car shows I attend. I see this Brand new excursion roll up on some 37's lifted maybe 8" or so. Same kid jumps out and starts walking around. And I say to the guy I'm with D4MN look at that truck. This kid behind me over hears me say that and says to me "He goes to my school, that kid is 15, his dad owns...***..." And I say "REALLY".. and he goes on and says yes, he has two of them!!!!
I walked away slowly....:noface:

Sodar
01-10-2007, 09:34 PM
Hmmm, and what do you have now? Tahoe?
Yup! She is my second baby... after the boat of course!

Hoosier Bob
01-10-2007, 10:29 PM
For absolutely incredible advice!

http://www.bigspeak.com/connie-podesta.html

Leroy
02-11-2007, 01:24 AM
I prefer this motivational speaker for my sons!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_nZaxRWyM4

MAG:

Where is your daughter going for spring break? Big deal around our house, everyone is going to Cabo.......except my son.

Sodar
02-15-2007, 11:39 AM
Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenaged daughter. Please read this manual carefully, as it
describes the maintenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to return the product to the factory for a full refund).

IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR: To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenaged girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she (a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing? (b) refuse to acknow ledge your existence on the planet Earth (except when requesting money)? (c) sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry? If any of these are true, you have received the correct item. Nice try, though.

BREAK-IN PERIOD: When you first receive your teenaged daughter, you will initially experience a high level of
discomfort. Gradually, this discomfort will subside, and you will merely feel traumatized. This is the "Break-In Period," during which you are becoming accustomed to certain behaviors that will cause you concern, anxiety, and stress. Once you have adapted to these behaviors, your teenager will start acting even worse.

ACTIVATION: To activate your teenaged daughter, simply place her in the vicinity of a telephone. No further programming is required.

SHUTDOWN: Several hours after activation, you may desire to shut down your teenaged daughter. There is no way to do this.

CLEANING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Having a teenaged daughter means learning the difference between the words "clean" and "neat." Teenaged daughters are very clean, because they take frequent showers that last more than an hour. They will scrub themselves with expensive, fragrant soaps which you must purchase for them because like I'm sure I'm going to use like the same kind of soap my mom and dad use. When they have completely drained the hot-water tank, they will step out and wrap themselves in every towel in the bathroom, which they will subsequently strew throughout the house. If you ask them to pick up the towels, you are confusing "clean" with "neat." Teenagers are very busy and do not have time to be neat. They expect others to pick up after them. These others are called "parents."

FEEDING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Your teenaged daughter requires regular meals, which must be purchased for her at restaurants because she detests everything you eat because it is like so disgusting. She does not want you to accompany her to these restaurants, because some people might see you and like I'm sure I want my friends to see me eating dinner with my parents. Either order take-out food or just give her the money, preferably both. If you order pizza, never answer the doorbell because the delivery boy might see you and ohmigod he is so hot. Yes, your daughter's idea of an attractive man is the pizza boy.

CLOTHING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Retailers make millions of dollars a year selling stylish and frankly sensible clothing which will look adorable on your daughter. If you enjoy shopping, you will love the vast selections which are available to you. Unfortunately, your teenaged daughter wants to dress like a lap dancer. You may be able to coerce her into putting on a cute outfit before leaving the house, but by the time she walks in the schoolhouse door, she will be wearing something entirely different.

OTHER MAINTENANCE: Teenaged daughters require one of two levels of maintenance: "High," and "Ultra High." Your
daughter is "Ultra High." This means that whatever you do won't be enough and whatever you try won't work.

WARRANTY: This product is not without defect because she has your genes, for heaven's sake. If you think this is not
fair, talk to your parents, who think it is hilarious. Your teenaged daughter will remain a teenager for as long as it
takes for her to become a woman, which in her opinion has already happened and as far as you are concerned never really will. If you are dissatisfied with your teenaged daughter, well, what did you expect? In any event, your warranty does not give you your little girl back under any circumstances, except that deep down she's actually still there -- you just have to look for her.

RexDog1
02-15-2007, 11:48 AM
funny TY:cool: 8p

Mag_Red
02-15-2007, 12:37 PM
:uglyhamme The cleaning instuctions are right on the $$$. I must say though, that my daughter Loves my cooking, and she really doesn't mind me being with her in public. ( after all......I am the one with the $$$) All in all, it has been great having her here.:toast:

X2M
02-15-2007, 12:43 PM
Thanks Sodar that sounds just like my 12 year old daughter. :eek:

7 years til she is 19 and out of the house. :cry: :cry:

TMCNo1
02-15-2007, 12:47 PM
I sure am glad the wife and I don't have to deal with a teenager of our own today or in the future. We decided last night, not to have any more children. Our 33 year old daughter doesn't need a younger brother or sister, now that she has a 6 mo. old of her own!:uglyhamme

lakesnake
02-16-2007, 01:43 AM
If the vehicle is in your name, type up a fake yet official-looking invoice from City of _________ Locksmithing Bureau stating that your city (or the one she was in) charges a $50 fee for all locksmith's that are members of this bureau to take a call on a holiday such as the night she used the locksmith. Use her tag number, license number, a fake case number ending in the last four of her social, description of the vehicle, location, and so on. Address it to her or to her c/o yourself, seal it, stamp it, crinkle it, drop it in the mud (make it look like it came from the Post Office, may take a little more destruction to make it look so, at least from my local PO...)

See what she owns up to as your raise heck about the invoice.:cool: