View Full Version : English

Farmer Ted
12-26-2004, 10:25 PM
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that
you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and
ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an
odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo
by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites? You have a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling
it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

12-26-2004, 10:31 PM
That is to much info, or should it be TOO much info, sh!t i'm confused?? :confused:

Farmer Ted
12-26-2004, 11:05 PM
Answer this;

If people from Poland are called Poles...

...why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

12-27-2004, 12:15 AM
THere's a good show on the History CHannel now about the history of English language. According to this show most of this insanity was created in the 1500's-1600's as England decided to unify it's language to strengthen and unify the country. In doing so had to compromise and create these exceptions.

east tx skier
12-27-2004, 12:11 PM
I think you just made Andre's head asplode.

01-03-2005, 06:08 PM
I dont think Andre looked in on this one;)

01-03-2005, 06:43 PM
Yes Sir i did! The one i don't know the meaning is "oarsmen" ???

01-03-2005, 08:22 PM
Your doing great Andre:toast: