View Full Version : women

12-17-2004, 11:51 AM
How to survive with women – you treat them like your car!
Lift up the front and have a good hard look.
Check the spare tyre and any handles.
Make sure the top can come down and look good in the summer.
Are the bodywork and lines to your liking.
Ensure it response well when you are in the driving seat.
Fit a child lock.
Make sure any unusual noises can be safely ignored.
Ensure sole ownership.
If possible test drive several times before committing to ownership.
Make sure that there is a proper response when you put your foot down….
and that it is easy to control.
Ensure that no joy rider can get their hands on it.
See if the coil needs replacing.
Watch out for any nasty emissions.
Keep all leather accessories in order.
For your own safety never attempt to handle when drunk.
Never let your friends have a go.
German models- tend to be solid, steady runners, not ideal for frequent brief usage.
Italian models- are very responsive but change hands often and often make worrying noises.
American models- tend to consume excessive amounts of fuel.
British models- especially the attractive ones, are hard to find and expensive to maintain.
Swedish models- are usually versatile and safe.
Japanese models- are mass produced and reliable, but very common and often unattractive.
French models- are easy to come by but frequently disappointing

12-17-2004, 03:00 PM

Tell us how you really feel:wavey:

12-17-2004, 03:05 PM
So funny, good one Sizzler! I think it would be funny to have the descriptions done from a man in each country!

lakes Rick
12-19-2004, 09:07 PM
I think it is also best to let another man keep the title and just take them for an occasional test drive..

This also lets you experience different and more models less expensively.....

12-20-2004, 06:00 AM
Call me slow, but I'm still trying to figure this one out:

"See if the coil needs replacing."


12-20-2004, 08:05 AM
contraceptive device..... :uglyhamme

12-20-2004, 11:09 AM
contraceptive device..... :uglyhamme
DOH! Never used one of those specific devices. It always slips my mind.

12-22-2004, 04:14 AM
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."


One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either :D

12-22-2004, 07:28 AM
To funny! :D

12-22-2004, 08:54 AM
Rick must be proud :worthy: !!

lakes Rick
12-22-2004, 11:07 AM
Rick must be proud :worthy: !!

Like a new daddy......