View Full Version : The 5 escalating levels of a HANGOVER

08-08-2006, 03:16 PM
Five Levels of Hangovers

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavoured schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein,
and even your hair hurts. Your bowels are in a perpetual spasm, and the
first of about five dumps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in
your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now ........

What level does Hoosier Bob fall into on a Saturday Morning?


08-08-2006, 03:32 PM
I love it, so very funny…….:uglyhamme

Hummmm Hoosier Bob on Saturday Morning?
I would say 4 stars, if we could ever find him?

08-08-2006, 03:58 PM
Good sutff.

08-08-2006, 08:57 PM
Five Levels of Hangovers

What level does Hoosier Bob fall into on a Saturday Morning?


ALL of the above!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek:

08-08-2006, 09:07 PM
I experienced all 5 levels... just this past Sunday. :friday:

08-08-2006, 09:15 PM

08-08-2006, 11:03 PM
i am a moderate (unfortunately not in drinking) i think 3 is my daily practice!

08-09-2006, 08:40 AM
Coincidently I have a three star this morning.

"Booze cruising on that da** pontoon again, weren't ya boy??"

That's a firm. Hey where did all these empty Corona bottles come from?


;) :rolleyes: ;)


dog paw
08-09-2006, 09:30 AM
LOL! I have a friend that has done the 4 star one sided face shave thing:D

08-09-2006, 10:51 AM
I think I'm at about 1.5 today. I keep drinking coffee but nothing comes out the other end. :confused:


10-26-2006, 12:30 PM
2-1/2 this morning for me.

Lot's of Miller Lite waiting for the Tigers to come on and it never happened.

Tonight?:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

10-26-2006, 03:40 PM
It's been awhile since I had anything over the 3 star. Hopefully try tonight. Great stuff.

Doug G
10-26-2006, 06:27 PM
:uglyhamme Great stuff! It's been a while since I had a 5 star but did do a 3 star last weekend :D

88 PS190
10-26-2006, 06:30 PM
3 star two weeks ago.

The one missing aspect of the 5 star is puking into the same garbage can as your roommate did the night before, then being unable to see the TV from across the room on the couch because your eyes refuse to focus that far away.

01-31-2013, 10:52 AM
Hoosier had a four star today

01-31-2013, 01:09 PM
I think as you get older, they start at two stars and go up.

01-31-2013, 02:25 PM
interestingly enough, I found this last night looking for t-shirts:rolleyes:


01-31-2013, 03:46 PM
#5 ... fire hose with a floater - now that's funny but so true!!!!